Remember, remember the Fifth of November. This was the day that Guy Fawkes was thwarted in his attempt to explode the British Parliament in the 17th Century (and was caught, tortured, and killed). Our friends across the pond celebrate and commemorate with bonfires, burnings in effigy, and such. This side of the pond, I’m promoting anarchy through remembering Natalie Portman in “V for Vendetta.” The movie (based on the comic) imagined a dystopian future where people lived under totalitarian British rule and V attempted to viciously overthrow the vile government through violence. And Natalie shaved her head. Remember, remember ... it was the cutest thing ever ...

Natalie Portman rocks a pompadour hairstyle for the latest issue of V magazine. Hawt. [WWD]

Last night’s episode of “Top Chef” featured extra-special guest judge Natalie Portman, who forced the chefs to cook vegetarian food in a steakhouse (so cruel!). But they must have done something right, because when the judges sat down to eat, Natalie and Padma got a little frisky. Clip above!

• Natalie Portman says Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer made her go vegan. [The Huffington Post]
• Lindsay Lohan says she plans to go to India on a charity trip before Thanksgiving. She also revealed she’ll be involved with a BBC documentary about child trafficking in that country. [Radar]
• Check out this article: “Who Is The Scariest Horror Movie Serial Killer Of All Time?” [Starpulse]—Sadly, my childhood monster, Blacula, didn’t make the list.

“Just as what you are feeling in your life affects your acting, what you act in definitely affects what you are feeling in your life. I made ‘Heat’ when I was 14 and played a girl who died. A year later, I got into a fight with my mother and cut myself. I had never done it before and I never did it after that, but I think having my wrists bloody in a movie definitely affected my psyche.” [Hollywood News]

—Natalie Portman, on cutting herself when she was a teen. Seems like a high percentage of Hollywood starlets have done this.

In the grand tradition of musicians dedicating songs to someone super random, the Wu-Tang Clan’s Ghostface Killah has dedicated his new album, “The Wizard of Poetry,” to ... Natalie Portman. In the September issue of Interview magazine, Natalie told Jake Gyllenhaal that she likes obscene rap music. Since Ghostface is all about that stuff, he just couldn’t resist shouting her out on the new album. But it gets weirder. Ghostface told the New York Post, “If you see her, give her my number. Tell her we gotta make some music together.” Great idea, Ghostface! Maybe you two could collaborate on the soundtrack for “Thor”? [NY Post]

“I’ve mostly been listening to dirty rap lately. That’s sort of my scene. Really, really obscene hip-hop. I love it so much. It makes me laugh and then it makes me want to dance. Those are like my two favorite things, so combined ... I’ve been listening a lot lately to ‘Wait (The Whisper Song)’ by the Ying Yang Twins, where the lyrics are like, ‘Wait ‘til you see my dick’—which is just amazing because it’s whispered. [whispers] ‘Wait ‘til you see my dick…’ Crazy. So I just listen to it like I’m a five-year-old, like, ‘Oh my god! I can’t believe he just said that!’”

—Natalie Portman to Jake Gyllenhaal, who interviews her for the new issue of Interview [via Huffington Post]

• Natalie Portman will be producing a comedy called “Booksmart,” in which two highschool girls realize they’ve achieved everything they’ve wanted to in high school, except landing boyfriends. [Just Jared] – Sounds like the Harvard grad got some inspiration from her own life (except I doubt she has troubling attracting men anymore).
• JoJo may have taken a hiatus from the music industry, but that’s because she’s got other things on her mind – college! The 18 year-old will be heading to Northeastern this fall and will be majoring in Cultural Anthropology. [Starpulse]—Maybe those college guys will give her new material for a comeback album.
• After Self magazine editors altered the heck out of Kelly Clarkson’s cover photo to the point that she was almost unrecognizable, they tried to defend themselves. [Jezebel] – They weren’t so successful.

“Brothers” is the upcoming Natalie Portman-Jake-Gyllenhaal-Tobey Maguire movie about the Iraq war. Sam (Tobey) goes off to fight, leaving Grace (Natalie) and two kids at home, and he dies. Grace and the kids are heartbroken, and Tommy (Jake) steps in to help out (and, apparently, sleep with his dead brother’s wife). But wait! Sam isn’t dead! He comes back home, and things start going back to normal, but then he loses it when he finds out about Grace and Tommy! And his daughter tells him at the dinner table that Mommy would rather sleep with Uncle Tommy than him! And Sam goes apeshit! Looks like a much more intense, much less sappy version of “Pearl Harbor,” with its Ben Affleck-Josh Hartnett-Kate Beckinsdale love triangle, no?

Natalie Portman has been cast as the female lead in “Thor,” an adaptation of the comic book about the Norse god of thunder. In the film, which will begin shooting next year and hit theaters in May 2010, she’ll play Jane Foster, a nurse who became Thor’s first love. Natalie herself has won the hearts of men of all types with her choice of roles over the years. It seems that with every movie, she captivates another man-genre. With “Thor,” it’s comic book nerds. But who else has become enamored with her? Let’s take a look.

Oh, Lindsay. Evidently, “Hangover” director Todd Phillips offered her the part of Jade, the stripper, after Lohan’s agent worked hard to get her considered. But she didn’t like the script and turned it down. So Heather Graham ended up playing the part. And, of course, the movie went on to become one of the hottest flicks of the summer. This is pretty ironic, because LiLo has stripped on screen before—in the flick “I Know Who Killed Me,” a 2007 movie that most people have never even heard of.

To rub it in Lohan’s face a little bit more, here’s a video slideshow of some of Hollywood’s biggest starlets playing strippers. [NY Post]

I guess it’s no surprise that some people are a little twisted. But ever since Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson died within a span of 72 hours, fake celebrity death stories have started cluttering up the internet. Sites like Twitter and FakeAWish.com, even CNN’s iReport, have created major drama for publicists and sent them scrambling to set the record straight that their clients are very much alive.

If you’ve ever watched “Rock of Love,” you’re well aware that dating a rock star is passe. Ditto for athletes—who wants a dude whose bicep measurement is bigger than his IQ? No, there’s a new type of guy to lust after—Washington politicos. The Obama administration is ushering in a new throng of young, brilliant, and (dare we say) extremely hot politicians, and Hollywood’s leading ladies are taking notice. Rashida Jones, of “The Office” and “Parks and Recreation,” is currently dating President Obama’s chief speechwriter, Jon Favreau. Sure, he may be the one who drunkenly groped a Hillary Clinton cut-out during last year’s primary, but this dude is (a) adorable and (b) has one of the highest ranking jobs in the country even though he’s only 27. The couple made their first appearance at the White House Correspondents Dinner and have since been spotted cuddling at a hip Georgetown bar. [Celebitchy]

Then there’s “Private Practice” star Kate Walsh, who’s been getting cozy with Sean Smith, deputy assistant secretary for public affairs at the Department of Homeland Security. (You know he’s important because his title is so long.) The two were apparently “phone friends” for months, but recently went public. Sean reportedly sent her flowers the day after the Correspondents Dinner to thank her for being his date. Awww…sweet.

We hope other Hollywood ladies catch on. Here are a few more civil unions we have in mind.

We recommended Leanne Shapton’s new book Important Artifacts and Personal Property from the Collection of Lenore Doolan and Harold Morris, Including Books, Street Fashion, and Jewelry to you last month, but if you’re so super-duper lazy that you can’t even read what’s essentially a picture book with captions, then you can always wait for the movie. Variety reports that Natalie Portman and Brad Pitt will star in the roles of Lenore Doolan and Harold Morris in a romantic comedy produced by the two stars’ companies.

Scary Spice is a ‘fraidy cat. She’s starring in a Vegas burlesque show, but she won’t take her clothes off. Without the strip, she’s just a tease! Especially as a lingerie model who loves to get attention for her body, this seems like such a surprising decision. But she’s not the only celeb who thinks baring all is showing too much. Here’s a list of stars who agree with Melanie B and Janis from “The Muppets,” who famously said, “I won’t take my clothes off for anyone, even if it is artistic.”

Seriously, are there any men in Hollywood who are resistant to Natalie Portman’s beauty, charm, brains, and talent? Not likely. Just weeks after we reported that Ryan Gosling was dating the actress, she was spotted canoodling with our beloved Robert Pattinson at an Oscar party. He’s just another notch on her hottest dudes ever bedpost. In the past, Natalie has been linked to Jude Law, Jake Gyllenhaal, Nathan Bogle, Lukas Haas, Hayden Christensen, and long term boyfriend Gael Garcia Bernal. Of course, she does downgrade on occasion—past paramours NOT pictured include Moby (ick) and Devendra Banhart (double ick). [Photos: Splash News]

According to LaineyGossip.com, Ryan Gosling and Natalie Portman have been hanging out and “flirty texting,” ever since meeting a few weeks ago at Ryan’s regular DJ gig in Los Angeles. If this is true, Gosling has totally scored a post-split point on Rachel McAdams, as Natalie Portman is a much, much better rebound fling than Josh Lucas. I’m still holding out hope for a Ryan and Rachel Reunion (before or after an Amelia and Ryan Quickie), but I have to say, Ryan and Natalie make a lovely bit o’ sense together. She’s intelligent, talented, and not a fame-baller. I am happy to co-sign this pairing, at least temporarily. [Lainey Gossip]