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5 Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Moving

Oh, sure, you’ve moved before: To a better neighborhood, a bigger house or just to spite that bitch Stacy at work who said she lived in a “very exclusive neighborhood.” It’s not a big deal. You suffer through one s**tty weekend, buy your friends cheap beer and sub-food quality pizza in exchange for manual labor, and you’re done. But the big move — the out-of-state, thousand-mile, cross-country, f**k-all move — is a different story. There are all sorts of traps, pitfalls and dastardly sons of bitches lurking out there, just waiting to pounce on you in your vulnerable state of temporary Hobo-osity. And nobody warns you about them … presumably because Big Moving has had all of their protesting tongues cut out and fed into the secret Misery Engines that really keep those trucks running.
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