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The Top 7 Hair Metal Videos In Which The Music Is So Powerful It Defies the Laws of Physics

The Top 7 Hair Metal Videos In Which The Music Is So Powerful It Defies the Laws of Physics

I don’t know you, but I’ve spent an awful lot of my life wishing that I’d been a teenager around the time that I was born. Bon Jovi was touring for Slippery When Wet in 1987! “Here I Go Again” was topping the charts! “Talk Dirty to Me” was one of the most popular videos of the year! We were out of the recession! The Soviet Union was about to fall apart and Ronald Reagan was making Americans feel like we really were the cool kids!

And apparently we had so much confidence in rock and roll that we believed it could do ANYTHING. LITERALLY ANYTHING. Hair metal bands seemed like they were obsessed with proving that they were the anti-conformist avant garde (while also basking in the tremendous capitalistic success they were intent on wasting on cocaine), and to do so they made videos that pitted the band against authority figures, using only music as their weapon. If they’re to be believed, the sound waves emitted from instruments and the adrenaline they get from performing transforms them into the bastard child of Gandalf and the Mighty Hulk.

Anyway, god knows we need a good laugh right now in 2014, so without further ado, here’s seven (OK, eight) music videos that’ll show you the righteous anti-authority power of hair metal. Keep reading »

Vince Neil On Ice

Confession: I actually watched “Skating With The Stars.” I was mostly just curious to see Vince Neil of legendary rock band Mötley Crüe get on the ice. Yes, I went through a hard rock phase in elementary school. GNR forever! There’s something about an old, bloated, alchie try to do a one of those spinny things that tickles my funny bone. Predictably, watching Vince tumble and fumble was the highlight of the show, aside from judge Johnny Weir skating to Lady Gaga. I’ll save you the trouble of watching the rest of the show. It was just as ridiculous and insufferably boring as it sounds. Keep reading »

Sweet Release: What’s In And Out The Week Of June 24th 2008

MUSIC

  • Girl Talk, Feed The Animals
    Whether you need to start a party or just like to dance with yourself, Girl Talk’s fourth album, Feed The Animals is the kind of unceasingly hot record that is mixed to booty-shakin’ perfection. The follow up to his Night Ripper record, Girl Talk aka, Gregg Gillis, is as irresistible as his beats. He is a true DJ who reconstitutes your favorite tracks like David Bowie’s Rebel Rebel and even the Red Hot Chili Peppers Under the Bridge into a whole new interconnected playlist that would make even Ruth Bader Ginsberg get down. Best of all, Girl Talk likes to give it away. The album is free to download! (Well, it’s actually being released Coldplay-style, and he’s accepting donations of any amount.)
  • Motley Crue, Saints of LA
    Everything from the 80’s is making a comeback. There’s a new Motley Crue on shelves with the same LA sound and miraculously the same line-up. Skip over the pop fluff of the title track “Saints of LA”, and go for the metal meat of “Mothereffer of the Year”. We could watch Tommy drum for another 20 years and totally get why Pam Anderson can’t seem to let him go.
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