This Thanksgiving, I arrived at my aunt and uncle’s house to see my 7-year-old nephew in the backyard pulling a plastic toy bow-and-arrow about 2 feet away from my 5-year-old niece’s face. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” I barked before I even said “hello.” I pushed the plastic arrow so it was away from her face and aiming towards the ground.
“We’re playing with my bow-and-arrow!” My nephew told me, defensively.
“Yeah!” My niece said, still young enough to be adorably oblivious to how close she was to becoming a Cyclops.
“You don’t hold a bow-and-arrow so close to someone’s face!” I snapped. “She could lose an eyeball that way. Aim it towards the ground!” I stomped off, shooting a dirty look at my brothers-in-law who were standing nearby but perhaps not paying close enough attention to their kids.
Hours later we were all on the living room floor playing a rousing game of sea life-themed Go Fish. The 5-year-old sat in my lap while we played together as a team. Then her 3-year-old sister, this adorable little blond peanut of a girl, wanted to sit on my lap, too. There’s something about snuggling a little kid — especially one with a lisp, who pronounces “crab” as “cwab” — that can make a woman’s ovaries go completely bonkers. Keep reading »
“I don’t really plan on the age. It could be a year from now. It could be 10 years from now. Whenever is right. I mean, I have a lot of other stuff to accomplish before I get to kids. Whenever the time is right, I’ll just know. … If I had a girl, she’d probably be really rebellious … she would be like a bundle of karma.”
—Rihanna on her motherhood plans in Interview magazine. I’ve been sitting here for a while trying to understand this quote. I can throw around New Age terms with the best of them, but I have not a clue what she’s talking about. Does she mean if she had a girl, she would be afraid it would turn out like her? I think all that red hair dye is seeping into her brain. [Us Weekly] Keep reading »
It was like the post-WWII baby boom at my publishing company in Manhattan. The ladies’ room was full of women patting their stomachs, complaining about morning sickness that lasted all day and chugging Cheerios to battle nausea. I had never seen anything like it at any place I’ve ever worked. At my last job, many of the women were older and had never been married, and when I worked in sports, somehow a job was eliminated once a woman uttered, “I’m expecting.” Keep reading »
“The other night, [Mike] was with some friends and their kids, and he sent me a funny text saying, ‘Watching my friend’s kids … Let’s wait a while.’ I didn’t grow up around kids, and I hope those motherly instincts are in me … I’m sure they are, but I don’t know what to talk about with a 4-year-old!”
—Carrie Underwood sounds like she’s not ready for rugrats, in the December issue of In Style. No shame in waiting, considering she just got married. Leave the girl alone! I wish the press would come up with some new things to bother famous women about other than engagement, marriage or babies. It’s old already. [People] Keep reading »
I’m the last person to say a new mama can’t be sexy. But this bikini contest for pregnant women is bizarro. Moms-to-be don’t need to pop every which way out of a thong bikini to look beautiful. And seriously, anyone who is that knocked up shouldn’t be allowed to wear platform boots unless she’s trying to self-abort during a disco dance-off.
But hey, one pregnant woman’s pickles and ice cream is another pregnant woman’s fishnet thigh-highs. [Dlisted]
UPDATE: Oh hai! So, seems some of y’all didn’t quite get that Jessica was kidding. Well, she was. Hugely. PUN! I would like to assume anyone who’s read Jessica’s stuff on The Frisky — and complained about her being fat-centric or something — would get that she wasn’t being serious, but for those of you who were unaware, this was meant entirely tongue in cheek. And now I shall return to devouring a pint of ice cream and a jar of pickles. Even though I am not pregnant. Keep reading »
I’m a full-time mom. You know the type. My days are spent cooking meals, doing dishes, buying groceries, doing laundry, walking dogs, wiping noses, clipping toenails, and performing every other pleasant and unpleasant task required to keep two kids, two dogs, two frogs and a hamster alive and relatively happy. But for my birthday weekend, I left all that behind for three days at Ladies Rock Camp. Keep reading »
“The question of Betty Draper’s motherhood is very peculiar to me. Because we were all raised by women like this. And I know it’s easy to hate her and think she seems childish and impulsive. We’re all here because of women like that. We’ll see how those kids turn out. They could end up being TV writers.”
— Matthew Weiner, “Mad Men” creator, defending Better Draper’s parenting skills. It’s unclear whether the “we” in “we’re all here because of women like that,” refers to writers, TV writers, entertainers, or, literally, everyone. I’ll speak for myself and say I am not here — as a person, a woman, a wife, or a writer — because of a woman like Betty Draper. My mother, like everyone else, isn’t without her flaws, but if she raised me the way Betty is raising her children, I think the only place I’d be right now is in serious psychotherapy. Weiner went on to say, “People must see a lot in themselves, or they wouldn’t be reacting so strongly [to Betty]. I guarantee one thing: If she weren’t so good-looking, they wouldn’t have a problem.” Uh, it’s not her beauty that’s disarming people. Keep reading »
This is the sweetest story: this little boy likes to wear princess clothes and that’s just fine with his mom. Cheryl Kilodavis has written a children’s book called My Princess Boy about how it’s OK for boys, like her son Dyson, to enjoy pretty dresses. It warms my dark, craggy heart. Some moms are the best. [My Princess Boy via Colorlines] Keep reading »