Most of the time, when you hear “commitment-phobic,” you think of a man. But that’s not always the case. I’m commitment-phobic, and I’m a woman. The thought of being in a relationship terrifies me. The thought of committing to someone forever scares the pants off me. Oh, and getting to the altar? Watch me quake. Keep reading »
Tag Archives: monogamy
“Who would want to be with the same person for 80 years? Why not break it up a little bit? I think people get freaked out about getting married and spending 20 or 30 years sleeping with the same person but if that’s the case, don’t do it. Have someone for five years and another person for another five years. Life is long and lucky and yes, love might last forever, but you don’t always live with the person you love forever.”
I was sitting around talking with some single ladies the other night. The topic du jour was the very popular “What are we looking for in a relationship?” I listened to variations on a theme: “someone to spend the rest of my life with,” “a partner, lover, and best friend forever.” I took it in. I even nodded my head and shared their vision to an extent, but the pragmatist in me started to think that forever and ever with one person sounded a little bit naïve. Does anybody really know what forever with a person looks like until they’ve done it? Following that logic, how can I really speculate what I want with a person forever and ever? Especially one I haven’t even met? Maybe there’s a reason why so many relationships don’t survive because of infidelity and maybe that reason is simpler than we think. Maybe monogamy isn’t really working for many of us. Keep reading »
If every time I met a cute, funny, smart, nice, emotionally stable, 30-something man with a girlfriend an angel exploded into a fireball and someone gave me a nickel, I would have enough money to buy a fancy angel graveyard with marble headstones. That is how frequent — and how tragic — this experience has become.
The only type of 30-something guy I meet more than the cute, funny, smart, nice, emotionally stable and totally taken type is the cute, funny, smart, nice, emotionally unstable, completely single, and totally confused type. Taking the #3 spot is the single douchebag, but we don’t care about him (unless I get desperately horny and then I might sleep with him). Keep reading »
I never thought the day would come when Hugh Hefner would become the face of fidelity and sexual morality; but, alas, pigs have flown. At 84 years old, Hef has finally decided to settle down with one woman. Yes, folks, he’s given up his harem of bimbettes for girlfriend Crystal Harris. Sure, she’s bleached-blond and 23, but who am I to judge? He’s calling her “the real deal” and his “true love.” And now that Hef is a man in love, he has a word or two for all these youngin’ sex addicts in the news. His sage advice to master-sexters Tiger and Jesse? “When you get married, you make a commitment. I had a lot of girlfriends, but it’s not the same as cheating. I don’t cheat,” he said. “I am very open about what I do. I think that when you are in a relationship, you should be honest. The real immorality of infidelity is the lying.” Keep reading »
I have had my share of one-night stands. In fact, a significant percentage of the people I have slept with in the nearly 10 years since losing my virginity have been one-time deals. There was that guy at Mardi Gras — hold on … have to ask my friend what his name was … damn, she doesn’t remember either. Laird! His name was Laird, right? Anyway, there was Andrew, my realtor, who showed up at my apartment in the middle of the night and I was like, “Hey, why not?” The second guy I had sex with was also a one-night stand — his name was Sean. He was really good-looking and when it was over he said it had been “lovely” and I remember he had a cute face, but I cannot remember how we ended up in bed together.
What I also didn’t remember, until recently, was that most of these one-night stands didn’t make me feel very good the next day. Keep reading »
Does the entire wedding industry these days seem like one big racket to you? In your lifetime, how many thousands of dollars have you spent flying all over the country (or out of it) to watch people say “I do,” buying place settings and champagne flutes from couples’ Williams-Sonoma registries, and oohing and ahhing over boulder-size diamonds on your girlfriends’ ring fingers? Adding up the numbers can be a dizzying experience, but what’s truly disarming is the fact that your total payout most likely pales in comparison with the price tag for just one of these celebrations. In 2009, industry-trend resource TheWeddingReport.com reported that the average cost of a wedding in the United States was $19,580—that’s more than $12,500 greater than the median annual tuition at a four-year public college. Keep reading »
According to a new study, there may be a practical way to find out if your man is going to be faithful to you … test his IQ. If you’re a wise lady, then you should be looking for a very smart man, because researchers in the U.K. have discovered that high IQ and the ability to be monogamous are related in men. Why? Because intelligent men are more evolved. Yeah, tell us something we don’t already know. The evolutionary psychologist who ran the study theorizes that the smarter a man is, the less susceptible he is to indulging in his primal urges to impregnate as many women as he can. Also it’s just straight-up smart not to piss your woman off. Does this mean we can finally stop blaming men’s libidinal urges for infidelity and sex addiction? Some men are evolved dammit … and we love them for that. [Asylum] Keep reading »
I love weddings. I stop dead before store windows to gaze at gorgeous dresses and drool over diamond rings. I’m thrilled when I happen upon a noisy banquet in a Chinese restaurant. I read the New York Times wedding announcements every Sunday. I love watching “Say Yes to the Dress.”
But I don’t want to get married again. Keep reading »