A new study conducted at the University of Buffalo found that the secret to a happy marriage is being slightly delusional about your partner. Researchers found that those who tend to idealize their beloved do better than pragmatists like myself when it comes to long-term happiness in marriage. “People are very good at changing their definitions to match how they want to see themselves or how they want to see others … Seeing a less-than-ideal partner as a reflection of one’s ideals predicted a certain level of immunity to the corrosive effects of time,’’ said head researcher, Sandra Murry. Aaahhh, so there is immunity to the corrosive effects of time on long-term love relationships — being out of touch with reality. You mean, I too have the power to control my romantic future with a glass-always-half-full kind of attitude and a pair of rose-colored spectacles that I leave on at all times? I am soooo screwed. [Boston.com] Keep reading »
Tag Archives: monogamy
When I first met my husband Noah ten years ago, if you had met me, you would have thought to yourself, “Now here is a smart woman. She’s getting her M.B.A, great job, confident. Here is a woman with tons of self esteem.” And you would have been right. That was all true. Which is why what I am about to tell you is even more shocking.
By our third date, Noah was so taken aback by my big reactions towards his small acts of kindness, that he felt compelled to take me by the hands and say to me, “Christine, I don’t know what is going to happen between the two of us, but regardless, you have to raise your standards for men. You can’t like a man because he is nice to you. He is SUPPOSED to be nice to you!” Keep reading »
At first, dating expert Rori Raye’s ideas about how to get a man to commit seemed counter-intuitive: Don’t be his girlfriend? Don’t try to win him over? But then we realized this: Rori wants us to get a man to commit by being our most authentic selves, which, in turn, allows men to be their most authentic selves. And that makes a lot of sense.
These tips are only the beginning. If you want more of Rori’s wisdom check out her blog and newsletter, “Have The Relationship You Want,” where she goes into much more detail. Keep reading »
Last week, Jennifer Doll offered a familiar lament in the pages of the Village Voice: “Dear Single Women of NYC: It’s Not Them, It’s You.” Though her focus is on New York, Doll could have been describing almost any large American city in which the number of single, straight, employed, and emotionally competent men is apparently dwarfed by the number of women who want to meet them.
The “man shortage” is a perennial go-to for articles aimed at women readers; these pieces differ mainly in the degree to which they blame the crisis on women’s ambition, pickiness, or sexual aggressiveness. Keep reading »
My Tuesday evening ritual consists of the following: an hour and a half of yoga and meditation, followed by a hot bubble bath, in which I either drink a glass of wine or eat a Haagen-Daz Coffee Crunch ice cream bar, while wearing a mud mask and lisening to Dan Savage‘s Savage Love podcast. I highly recommend this entire evening routine. It makes the following day, Hump Day, that much easier. Keep reading »
“Marriage doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s more for their families than for the two partners, so I’m not gravitating towards it. I’m very loyal, I’ve never strayed, and never wanted to. I don’t need to be married, because I feel married.”
– Jon Hamm explains that he doesn’t need a piece of paper to prove his loyalty to longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt. I’m sorry, but everything that comes out of this man’s mouth makes me love him more. [Celebitchy] Keep reading »
As I write this, the floating concrete mall known as Manhattan is experiencing a “wintery mix,” which is what happens when Old Man Winter has food poisoning. Walking to work this morning I got snow up my nose, elbowed in the fat wings by a grumpy Hobbit wrapped in scarves waiting for the subway, and went ankle deep in an enchanted ice puddle. It had to be enchanted, because I’m sure it laughed at me as I cursed. As a little kid, I was certain that snow was just God shaking a giant powdered donut over my house, but now that I am older, I know that snow is just Death’s dandruff. The winter is only enjoyed by Vikings, Tauntauns and people in relationships. Keep reading »
The minister who performed the ceremony for our wedding six years ago required all couples to take counseling sessions with her before their big day. So my guy and I did – we took personality tests, talked about our approaches to solving conflict and our plans for the future, and we got a lecture on the importance of “feeding the tree.” At the time, we giggled, thinking we were getting sex advice from a seemingly asexual woman of the cloth. But “feeding the tree,” she explained, was about treating our relationship with care, nourishing it, so that it could grow sturdy roots, limbs, and leaves. Kind of a hokey metaphor, I know, but, it turns out, that minister gave us the secret to keeping our romance alive … Keep reading »
Commitment seems like a great idea. You make your relationship more official and share your life with someone who’s not going to leave by the time morning arrives. But with any big idea, there are pros and cons attached to it. With commitment comes benefits, yes, but there’re also risks. It’ll do you good to think of what you stand to lose before you take the leap.
I’ve questioned monogamy for quite a while now, but a new study shows that young people are seriously confused by it. Researchers studied more than 400 married and unmarried couples ages 18 to 25 and found that 40 percent of them disagreed about whether or not they were exclusive with their partners — even if they had supposedly agreed. Of the 60 percent of couples who agreed they were on the same page about their exclusivity, 30 percent admitted to cheating. That means that only about 30 percent of young couples are actually practicing monogamy. Married couples were more likely to be exclusive, while couples with children were less likely. The stats speak for themselves. Time to reevaluate our idea of monogamy? I think so. [Live Science] Keep reading »