I’m cautiously optimistic about the next episode of “Our America,” Lisa Ling’s docu-series on the OWN network, in which she discusses families/couplings who are non-monogamous. I’m pretty psyched anytime that the mainstream media acknowledges alternative sexualities at all, bonus points for when it acknowledges we are “normal.” Polyamory or even just being monogam-ish are more common than you think. This preview teases Ling’s show as answering the question “How many is too many?”, which is presupposing something is wrong with non-monogamy and that it is possible for there to be “too many” partners in a polyamorous union. Yet everyone who gets screen time in this preview seems happy with their personal decisions — and pretty “normal,” too. As American as apple pie, you might even say. “I Love You & You … & You” airs next week, Tuesday March 5 at 10/9c on OWN. [Oprah.com]
When a public notary in Sao Paulo, Brazil, authorized a civil union between one man and two women, neither she nor the triad expected to make headlines. Now, three months after their three-way relationship was formalized, it has become an international news story with flashy headlines like “‘Big Love’ In Brazil.” The members of the triad have refused to speak to the press. But the notary, Claudia do Nascimento Domingues, has come forward in light of backlash to explain why she made the decision to authorize the three-way union (or “thruple”). As she told the UK’s Telegraph:
We are only recognizing what has always existed. We are not inventing anything … for better or worse, it doesn’t matter, but what we considered a family before isn’t necessarily what we would consider a family today. Keep reading »
You know how the worst kind of parent will be all, “Oh, you couldn’t possibly understand what it means to truly love another human being until you have a child of your own?” And you are all, Oh word, you’re right, I must be the emotionally crippled jerk here because I don’t go around conducting unsolicited evaluations of other people’s personal lives? And then you order another pitcher all to yourself just to rub in the fact that you and your emotionally stunted self are going to stay until bar closes just because you can?
Now that I am an old married lady, I think I understand that awful parent a little bit better, even though the Texas Alcohol and Beverage Commission still occasionally has to pry that pitcher of beer from my cold, drunk hands. Not because I’m aiming for a Lil’ Grimes any time soon or ever, but because I’m amazed at how different—and touchy, and protective—I feel about partnership now that I’m in a legal one. Keep reading »
Recently my husband and I went on a double date. We met my friend Kate and her husband Bear, at a German Beer Hall. I hadn’t met Bear, and I always find meeting a friend’s partner interesting. Kate seemed to come to life in Bear’s presence. He is upbeat but sensible, she is witty and wildly imaginative. She is small and brunette, he is big and blond. They are a physical yin and yang. And even though there was plenty of room on the bench, they sat close, Kate in the nook of his arm. Keep reading »
My lady friend asked me if I thought it was “absurd” to want to be monogamous with someone and I immediately told her that I did not think it was absurd. It’s absurd to want to be monogamous with a rhinoceros or a pineapple. Especially pineapples, because they are the sluttiest fruit. But I do think that wanting or expecting monogamy is unnatural. Keep reading »
Can you see yourself with him forever? I asked myself just, oh, the other day.Yes. Yes I can. I had asked this question of myself a few months ago too, but about someone else. The answer was the same. And about six months before that. Same question, same answer. Did I mention I’m currently single?
This week, I read Dater X’s latest column with great interest. The idea that maybe we should be asking ourselves bigger questions — “Can I see myself marrying/spending my life with this person?” — about the people we date is not a foreign concept to me. I ask myself that question almost right away with nearly every single person I date; and, with a few exceptions, my subconscious usually answers “yes.” At least at first. Keep reading »
The other day, I was talking to one of my lesbian friends about the difference between gay and straight relationships. “Being a straight woman, who may want to get married someday, means I have to entertain the notion of having a nonmonogamous marriage,” I argued.
“Why?” she challenged me. (I get this reaction a lot. Especially from women, gay or straight, who tend to get defensive when I say something to this effect.)
“Not to consider it would mean I’m in denial,” I replied. Keep reading »
One of the most frequently asked questions in the world of dating has got to be “If they’re not your significant other, than what the hell are they?” Well, pre-exclusive relationships (or PXRs) don’t have to be a frustrating grey area anymore. Here’s a handy guide to the 9 most common types of PXRs, all converted into abbreviations for easy texting. Keep reading »
With so many points of clarifications that we could use from social conservatives — Single motherhood is bad! But so is abortion! — one would think The New York Times‘ conservative columnist, Ross Douthat, would have plenty of rich, complicated topics to dig into. But in an op-ed column that ran yesterday, Douhat argued in defense of monogamy, praising social conservatives for their “optimistic” attitudes about love and happiness, and even went so far as to cheer on abstinence-only education sex ed programs that delay sexual behavior in teenagers. Keep reading »
A new study conducted at the University of Buffalo found that the secret to a happy marriage is being slightly delusional about your partner. Researchers found that those who tend to idealize their beloved do better than pragmatists like myself when it comes to long-term happiness in marriage. “People are very good at changing their definitions to match how they want to see themselves or how they want to see others … Seeing a less-than-ideal partner as a reflection of one’s ideals predicted a certain level of immunity to the corrosive effects of time,’’ said head researcher, Sandra Murry. Aaahhh, so there is immunity to the corrosive effects of time on long-term love relationships — being out of touch with reality. You mean, I too have the power to control my romantic future with a glass-always-half-full kind of attitude and a pair of rose-colored spectacles that I leave on at all times? I am soooo screwed. [Boston.com] Keep reading »