Tag Archives: monkeys

Drunk Monkeys Of The Caribbean

Drunk Kittens on the Prowl
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Beware if you are planning to visit the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. There are a species of monkeys that will steal your fruity rum drink with the paper umbrella while you tan. BBC’s “Weird Nature” featured a segment about vervet monkeys, the alchies of the animal kingdom. And I’m kind of obsessed. But unlike us humans, the drunkest monkeys are the most well respected. I challenge you not to enjoy every moment of this video. Especially the part where the wasted monkeys roll around on the picnic table. You are welcome.

Chimps See The Sun For The First Time Ever


I dare you to watch this video of German lab chimps going outside for the first time and NOT cry. The monkeys hug! If you manage to make it through without welling up a little bit, you’re clearly a feelings monster. [YouTube] Keep reading »

Monkey Behavior Advertising, Just Like Human Beer Advertising, Appeals To A Male’s Penis

Anyone can make a beer ad: boobs, butts, more boobs, and an ice cold brewski. Don Draper, we have a winner! It turns out that monkey advertising is very similar to that of their two-legged ancestors: sex sells. According to New Scientist, researchers will soon study the effect of ads on monkey behavior modification. Laurie Santos, the Yale University primatologist, and Keith Olwell and Elizabeth Kiehner, two New York ad execs, plan to advertise a tasty treat to brown capuchin monkeys who live in captivity. (They will probably use JELLO.) One treat will be advertised on “billboards” inside the monkeys’ enclosure and the other won’t be; when the capuchins are presented with the desserts, the researchers want to see if the advertising had any effect. But just how does one market JELLO to monkeys? Keep reading »

Bristol Palin Dances In A Monkey Suit

Last night’s “Dancing with the Stars” brought a very special surprise. Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas dancing in monkey suits while doing the jive to the theme song from my favorite old TV show, “The Monkees.” See the girl monkey who can’t quite keep up? Yeah, that’s Bristol. I wonder if Sarah Palin watched the performance and felt like she was back in Alaska, watching grizzly bears fight? [Newser] Keep reading »

The New TLC Show “My Monkey Baby” Looks Bananas

There are special people out there in America who want to fill a parental void but don’t actually want any children. Instead of adopting a traditional pet like a dog, cat, or goldfish, these people spend as much as $5,000 to adopt a monkey, often a capuchin monkey that can grow up to 22 inches and 9 pounds. The monkeys are basically toddlers that will never grow up. An estimated 15,000 monkeys live as surrogate children within American families. TLC is currently featuring some of these families on “My Baby Monkey,” which originally aired in Britain. (You can watch videos here.)

Many of the “parents” were empty nesters before adopting their monkeys, or they had experienced troubling childhoods and didn’t want children of their own. Now, these people don’t treat their monkey children, which are sometimes referred to as monkids, like pets. Instead, the monkeys are allowed to eat at the dinner table, wear makeup and designer clothes, have their own decorated bedrooms, and get transported around in baby carriages. Keep reading »

Damn! Calorie Restriction Makes Monkeys Live Longer

According to a new study done on (cute!) rhesus monkeys, calorie restriction—i.e. eating way far fewer calories than is currently recommended—has been shown to slow the aging process. The monkeys whose caloric intake was reduced by about one-third lived longer than those on a regular diet. Calorie restriction also slowed the loss of gray matter in the brain, which is the part of your noggin that responds to stimuli… Keep reading »

Will Have Sex For Meat

You know how women get offended when a man expects a little nooky after paying for an expensive steak dinner? A woman should never be pressured to do something sexually she doesn’t want to do, but there is scientific evidence that suggests the man’s expectations are only natural.

German researchers have found that female chimpanzees mate more often with males who have shared their meat with them (no pun intended), suggesting that chimps exchange sex for meat. Males who shared their meat with females mated twice as much in general, and they mated frequently with the females they gave meat to on a regular basis. Females who had difficulty obtaining their own meat seemed to find it more beneficial to trade sex for meat, rather than exerting themselves hunting and risking potential injury. Sounds like a win-win situation. The females increased their caloric intake, and the males sowed their oats. Chimps are highly promiscuous animals, males have a choice of females to a certain degree, and hunters can usually control who shares their kill, so the sex-for-meat hypothesis is a plausible explanation for male-to-female meat sharing, according to the researchers. Researchers say these findings will help to explain human male-female relationships. [Reuters] Keep reading »

The Daily Squeeze: Lost Rings, Monkey Porn, And Breast Cancer

  • This is a really sad story. A woman who was in a car accident was airlifted to a hospital and eventually died, survived by her husband, a four-year-old and a one-year-old. At some point when she was in the hospital, her engagement and wedding rings, which she designed, went missing. Now there’s a $20,000 award for them, because her husband wants her sons to have something that belonged to her. [CNN]
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    The Daily Squeeze: Texting On The Toilet, A Sex-Crazed Monkey, And Fines For Flashing

  • Sixty-three percent of Americans have used a smart phone in the bathroom, according to a report from Solutions Research Group. We’re wondering how many of the emails and texts in our inbox were written on the john. [MSNBC]
  • The Pussycat Dolls have been fined $3,400 for flashing body parts during a concert in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, last summer. “I believe the way the Pussycat Dolls behaved on stage amounted to gross indecency,” said Malaysia’s culture minister Rais Yatim. No, their songs amount to gross indecency. [Monsters and Critics]
  • In the Indian village of Cherukulapadu, a supposedly sex-crazed monkey is attacking women, and it reportedly caused one elderly women to die from shock after it jumped on her. [Telegraph, U.K.]
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    The Daily Squeeze: Banking Vs. Sex, Monkeys, And A Fake Orgasm Lawsuit

  • People in China are more interested in reading about banks and stocks than sex, according to the most popular words Googled in 2007. [Reuters]
  • Before female macaques (monkeys) in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, will have sex, the males must groom them for about eight minutes. But even more incredible is that the females had sex an average of 1.5 times per hour unless they had just been groomed, in which case the number became 3.5 times per hour. Talk about getting busy. [Fox]
  • A model is suing a jewelry company because it looks like she’s having an orgasm in a TV ad she’s in. She says she didn’t think that’s what she was doing when they were filming and was told to “fake excitement.” Some would probably argue those are the same. [International Herald Tribune]
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