The New York Times Style section usually emits more groans from me than cheers. Remember that piece about how bangs are “in”? And how women wear dresses? So I was ecstatic this week to see the Modern Love essay is by Jillian Keenan, a woman with a spanking fetish who is struggling to come out about it to her boyfriend. The essay touched on the struggles female spankos face from a judgmental and/or misunderstanding public, namely that we all must have suffered sexual abuse (not true) or must be gravely damaged in some way (also not true). And I was particularly delighted that 50 Shades Of Grey got only a brief mention. Keep reading »
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You know when your friend gets a boyfriend, and for whatever reason, you know it’s not a good idea and that it’s not going to work out? And you say “I dunno, I feel like it’s not a good idea, and that it’s not going to work out…” But your friend is stubborn, so obviously they go on dating the person anyway, despite all the signs that they shouldn’t, and then they have a fraught and complicated relationship that doesn’t even last that long, and after the inevitable break-up, you, the loyal friend, are forced to deal with sometimes years of emotional aftermath?
I probably could have written the Modern Love essay, Exit Left, Wordlessly, in this past Sunday’s New York Times. Not that I could have penned it better than writer Aimee Lee Ball, just that I have a story which is frighteningly similar. Ball’s tale is about breaking up with a man only to have him resurface eight years later for round two. But instead of the happy ending that would ensue in Rom-Com Land, after a few months of “too good to be true” dating, the man disappeared from her life without explanation. “No message. No note,” she says. I refer to this dating phenomenon as ghosting — when a man disappears without a trace.
“Ambiguous loss” as Ball calls it, is a particularly heinous and cruel way to have a relationship end because you’re left without any indication of what might have gone wrong.”[It's] unfinished business, without closure or understanding,” Ball explains. Keep reading »
What if you found out the man (or woman) of your dreams was dying of an incurable illness? Would you stay, or would you go? This weekend the New York Times Modern Love column brought to light a real-life dilemma for thousands of people: What happens when it turns out the love of your life has a terminal illness? Written by writer Kerri Sandburg, “On the Precipice, Wings Spread” follows the author’s 18-year relationship with an HIV-positive man.
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If you’re like me, the first thing you do every Sunday morning is check the “Modern Love” column in the New York Times—a collection of first person essays about love of all varieties. Usually, I am wrapped up in the storyline, scrolling down the page, sipping my coffee, eager to find out how the saga ends, but every once in a while, I wonder what the other characters in the piece must be feeling as they read it—mothers, daughters, ex-lovers, and friends. Well, that’s what some writers over at Double X were wondering too. So they decided to start a genius column called “Modern Love Revenge” where they provide the subjects of “Modern Love” essays the chance to post their responses, rebuttals, and reflections — basically, to tell the other side of the story. I was especially interested in this response from Joyce Maynard’s daughter, Audrey Bethel. Keep reading »
One of the big bombshells my ex dropped the day he decided he needed a break was, “I don’t know that we’re in love anymore.” I didn’t buy it. I was in love and I was certain he was too. He was confused, he needed space, and I was going to give it to him, despite the fact that for many, his words would have been the final nail in the coffin. So I was fascinated to read Laura Munson’s “Modern Love” column in Sunday’s New York Times about her refusal to fight with her husband when he declared he no longer loved her. Keep reading »
I heart words and communication. This includes emails, text messages, Gchat, Blackberry Messenger, iChat — the works. I am a sucker for a well-crafted email or a witty text message. My motto: The way to my heart is through my brain. That’s why I thought Joe could be Mr. Perfect for me. Joe and I met one night at a work gala. I had already put away an entire bottle of wine when I almost knocked him over on the dance floor.
“Do you like to dance, beautiful girl who almost stepped on my foot?” he asked.
“Only when I’m drunk. When I’m sober, I dance like Elaine from ‘Seinfeld.’” I replied.
It was a rainy October night and Joe offered to escort me to the subway when the event ended, impressed that I could: a.) still walk and b.) do it in 3-inch heels. “Email me,” I slurred, handing him my business card, “I loooove emails.”
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The New York Times‘ Modern Love column is something many simply adore — and others love to hate. Each week, readers learn intimate details about someone else’s relationship, and sometimes learn lessons about human nature, relationships, and love. The column has helped several writers launch their careers by way of book deals; now it may help The New York Times‘ wallet. Former “Sex and the City” writer Jenny Bicks is working on a pilot script for a TV show based on Modern Love — not a specific column, the whole shebang.
The show will revolve around a fictionalized male editor’s life, which includes a messy divorce, a rocky relationship with a teenage daughter, and a reentry into the dating scene. Stories and people from the newspaper column will be woven into the show’s storylines. Even though BermanBraun optioned the rights to the column from The Times last year, Bicks isn’t sure whether she’ll be able to set the series at the paper, or if it will become a fictional news organization.
Every woman I know can share some anecdote regarding that gorgeous female “friend” her boyfriend annoyingly adores. It’s just inevitable. The minute you settle down with the Brad of your dreams, some Angelina shows up like a bee to your honey. Occasionally, she really is “just a friend,” but when her feelings run deeper, well, a woman just knows, and I think we can all agree it puts you in a somewhat awkward—make that insanely frustrating—position.
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One of the things you learn very quickly in a relationship is that people have really annoying habits. This becomes especially apparent when you move in with someone and suddenly their little eccentricities become part of your everyday life, from the way they leave empty paper coffee cups on the table for weeks on end, to their belief that the perfect place for that wet towel is bunched up on the bed and not on the hook in the bathroom. You also realize that changing these aspects of their personality is a task that is much easier said than done. Before anyone jumps all over me with the whole “you don’t want to change someone you love”, let me call B.S. When confronted with a bathroom sink filled with your love’s tiny black beard hairs, yes you do. You don’t love them any less because of those annoying habits, but you might love ‘em a tiny bit more without them. It was with that in mind that I sat down to read Amy Sutherland’s What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers. And as most Hallmark story endings go, in the end, I ended up training myself. The three tricks that worked the best, after the jump. Keep reading »