Posts tagged "mind of man"

Mind Of Man: To Text Or Not To Text

As a man, I like to get to the point. Which is why there are only three acceptable texts a person can send or receive, and those three texts are “I am late,” “Where are you?” and “Do you need beer?” A cell phone is a communication tool. It relays important information. They are not…

By: John DeVore / May 12, 2010

Mind Of Man: The Words Mom Wants To Hear

The most important words a son can learn are "everything is fine, mom." Which isn't a lie. It's more of a wish dressed up like the truth. No different, really, than a mother looking down at her chubby son looking up at her through swimming goggles, a towel tied around his neck, and asking if…

By: John DeVore / May 5, 2010

Mind Of Man: Dudes Don’t Gossip. End of Story.

Men don’t gossip. Talking behind someone’s back is just not sporting. We debrief one another, if there’s important operational information that might be mission critical, i.e., “Dan has more beer at his place” or “That woman you’re drooling over is dating Bill.” Instead of whispering in the shadows, men have their own social ritual called…

By: John DeVore / April 21, 2010

Mind Of Man: One Reason Dating Doesn’t Suck

That first kiss is a cupcake-shaped grenade that explodes into springtime rain. As a man, it’s more important than the best seats in the stadium, that huge job promotion, or the first time your father calls you for advice. It is a prelude to all the best things in life: waking up to an empty…

By: John DeVore / April 14, 2010

Mind Of Man: The End Of Dating

I am canceling dating. That’s right. The public negotiation for sex, commitment, and marriage between two strangers that begins with “Do you want to go out Friday night?” is now officially over. Kaput. Adios! It’s too much drama. Stress. Money. It’s nothing but awkward conversations, uncomfortable clothes, and mediocre Thai meals. Nobody seems to enjoy…

By: John DeVore / April 7, 2010

Mind Of Man: Be A Man With A Plan

When it comes to dating, men should make the plans. I think this would solve a lot of dating drama. Men have a natural knack for making plans, be them Death Star attack strategies, bank heists, or prison breakouts. But I’m not here to reinforce gender norms, much. I’m just making a decision that I…

By: John DeVore / March 31, 2010

Mind Of Man: In Defense Of Jesse James

Well, this is going to make me popular. Ladies, gentlemen, and hatebots of the jury, I stand before you to defend a humble motorcycle mechanic who made some very poor life choices. Jesse James committed adultery, and betrayed the trust of his betrothed, a wealthy woman who cares for his child from another marriage. The…

By: John DeVore / March 24, 2010

Mind Of Man: Why You Should Really Date A Nerd

A recent issue of a woman’s magazine instructed their readers to date “nerds.” The article read like it was written by a bunch of mean girl anthropologists in little black dresses who just discovered a whole new species of men. They seemed so happy to find guys who weren’t smug investment bankers, aging jocks, or…

By: John DeVore / March 17, 2010

Mind Of Man: Just Ask Him Out On A Date!

If a woman asks a man out on a date, she is not obligated to buy dinner. I just wanted to clear that up. Life is all too brief a cosmic commercial break to spend it sending telepathic messages to crushes old and new. In medieval times, sure. 'Twas the men who came calling. But…

By: John DeVore / March 10, 2010

Mind Of Man: Putting The Love In MILF

Not all hotties grow up to be sexy MILFs. That’s because MILFs contradict the dominant fashion paradigm. Youth is not beauty and vice versa. Experience counts. There was a time when a mother was a wholly desexualized human being. A woman stripped of want, lust, and femininity. MILFs obliterate this old-fashioned stereotype. A woman retai…

By: John DeVore / March 3, 2010

Mind Of Man: Tell Your Dude To Move Out Of His “Man Cave”

I can’t stand the concept of the “man cave.” It’s like a grown-up version of the word “cooties.” One is something you catch from yucky girls. The other place is a spider hole you scurry to in order to escape girls with cooties. First, don’t confuse the “man cave” with a “caveman.” Generally, I think…

By: John DeVore / February 24, 2010

Mind Of Man: Real Men Don’t Need To Be “Nurtured”

When I'm ill, I drink whiskey. More specifically, a hot toddy, otherwise known as “Irish Nyquil.” My beloved local bartender from North Ireland taught me her old family recipe -- just hot water, a couple jiggers of whiskey, and lemon wedges studded with cloves. One of those, spicy Kung Pao chicken, and bed. I behave…

By: John DeVore / February 17, 2010

Mind Of Man: The Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift For Your Dude

The truth is: men don’t expect much on Valentine’s Day. We know that this is a holiday for women. Most of us accept this as a manly duty, like chopping wood or boxing grizzly bears. There is a quiet sort of pride in making your woman happy. Sure, many of us drag our feet, roll…

By: John DeVore / February 10, 2010

Mind Of Man: How To Watch Football

This Sunday is the Academy Awards of Football and, believe it or not, there are a lot of people who couldn’t care less about this High Holy Day. But if you’re dating a pigskin junkie, you have very little choice: You’re going to be dragged to a get-together where jerseys and body paint are the…

By: John DeVore / February 3, 2010

Mind Of Man: I Want All Of My Penis Back!

If a hood is good enough for Batman, it’s good enough for my penis. Uncircumcised joints look gross, like a cross between a tentacle and a trunk. But the word on the street is that it feels better to have a foreskin. My zipper cudgel is cut, and therefore less sensitive than a man who’…

By: John DeVore / January 27, 2010

Mind Of Man: Women Want Six-Pack Abs And I Only Have One

Women don’t clamor for guys with ripped six packs. Am I wrong? We’re talking about those toned, well-defined abdominal muscles that grace the covers of magazines for hairless men who drink liquid protein. Clean pants, yes. Dandruff-free hair, definitely. I know for certain ladies appreciate a healthy dude, or at least, a dude who doesn’t…

By: John DeVore / January 13, 2010

Mind Of Man: Polyamory Is Not For Everyone

”Open relationships” are like snowboarding. There are people who can do it very well. And then there are people like me, who will end up breaking something. I was in an open relationship once. It lasted for a couple hours and abruptly ended with me storming out into the cold, crestfallen that she had actually…

By: John DeVore / January 6, 2010

Mind Of Man: My New Year’s Resolution

When it comes to New Year's resolutions, I suggest aiming low. Reach for your shoelaces, not the stars. For instance, this year, I resolve to eat more donuts. Crullers, coconut, apple and spice. I can handle this and am fairly confident that come next year, I will be able to look at my fat face…

By: John DeVore / December 30, 2009

Mind Of Man: What To Buy Her For Christmas

I did something I've never done this holiday season: I bought The Girl I'm Currently Dating a necklace for Magic Space Baby Day (i.e., Christmas). A silver, heart-shaped locket to be exact. I did this because she has a beautiful, graceful neck and I wanted her to be able to show it off. And I…

By: John DeVore / December 23, 2009

Mind Of Man: What The Tiger Woods Sex Scandal Is Really About

So, Tiger Woods cheated on his wife. For those of you who don’t know, Tiger Woods is a professional golfer worth a billion dollars. He is involved in a sex scandal, much like your average politician, rock star, or preacher. I have no opinion on the topic. Except that Tiger Woods has the fashion sense…

By: John DeVore / December 9, 2009