At the risk of perpetuating the myth that there are differences between men and women, allow me to suggest one tiny little quirk that separates penis-enabled humanoids from the vagina-enhanced. Women think that men have manifold opinions about their hairstyles. This is not true. We barely have opinions about our own hair. Mostly, men just worry about whether they have hair or not. Then our thoughts become very mission-oriented. Shave it all or get a trim? Shampoo or shampoo AND condition? Goop or no goop? Blow dry or how does this stupid thing work or what’s a blow dryer? Keep reading »
When food has replaced sex in your relationship, it’s pretty much over. If you’re a month or so into a relationship and you both find yourself face-planting bowls of pasta on a Friday night instead of giving yourselves reason to clean your sheets on Saturday morning, something is not right. Favorite foods are not a substitute for favorite sexual positions. Keep reading »
Men know how to cook, because we have the right incentive to cook. Once upon a time, when men were men and women were women and men were cartoon gorillas and women were porcelain princesses, the man made money and the woman made casseroles. Men stayed out of the kitchen, and women stayed out of the workplace.
But times change. For instance: in the 1960s, people drove their car from the suburbs to an office building in the city. Today, we fly in jet packs from blimp cities to subterranean bunkers deep beneath the scorched earth. Also, women are working more and cooking less, and men are working less and cooking more. But let me be clear, we’re cooking because it impress the hell out of women. Are women too easily impressed? Maybe. Keep reading »
I’ll tell you where to find eligible, sensitive, loving, manly men are, and that’s Queens, which is like Brooklyn, if Brooklyn didn’t try so hard. This magical borough in New York City is positively thick with emo blog hacks from Texas. But if this gritty urban paradise isn’t convenient, then the next best place to meet men is, you know, wherever. Keep reading »
When the dead walk and the world is plunged into chaos, the only dating advice that will matter is this: the couple that beheads zombies together, stays together. But that advice doesn’t just work in a dark future where corpses hunger for human flesh. It is very practical dating advice for right now, in these last, few remaining years when the deceased stay in their coffins, rather than clawing out from their graves.
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