This morning, as the dull ache of cramps woke me from my slumber, I realized something kind of momentous. I have had my period for exactly 20 years. I mean, almost exactly, because I don’t know the exact date or time that my Aunt Flow first came to visit, but I do know it was at the beginning of the school year, before I turned 13. I turn 33 in November, so, yep, that makes for 20 bloody years. That’s a lot of tampons. Over the years, I’ve learned a few things about myself specifically in relation to tampons and their usage. Let me share them with you. Keep reading »
Last night on “Mad Men,” something MAJOR happened, but I am not going to talk about that because I am trying to be respectful of those who do not prioritize TV watching on Sunday night and still haven’t seen the episode. However, I am going to talk about the second major thing that happened on the episode: Sally Draper, my little spirit animal, got her period! Naturally, it happened during the most inconvenient time possible, i.e. on a secret date to the museum with Creepy Neighbor Glen, who debuted a new mustache. Sally was so freaked out that she took a cab all the way home from the city so she could be consoled by mom Betty. Because when a little girl first gets her period, no one else will do but the mom you usually hate.
Sally definitely had it better than poor Sansa Stark, who got her period only a few weeks ago on “Game of Thrones.” Sadly, her own mother is far, far away, and so she had to deal with future mother-in-law Queen Cersei’s version of “womanly wisdom.” Here’s a chart comparing Sally and Sansa’s tumultuous first periods.
This is so gross even “Horrible Bosses” didn’t go there: a 24-year-old maid in Singapore has reportedly been charged for putting menstrual blood in her boss’s coffee last August. Jumiah had been working for her 38-year-old employer at his apartment for one year. Unfortunately, there are no details on why she decided to give this dude his coffee with a side of tampon. Does she have a screw loose? Did he do something awful to her? How did he learn he had menstrual blood in his coffee? Was it the extra-iron-filled taste? The slightly vag-y smell?
This is what happens when there’s no HR department to handle problems at work. [Huffington Post]
Fashion editorial can be so boring. When I’m flipping through an issue of Marie Claire or Vogue, you know what I often find myself thinking? Needs more blood. Period blood. The folks at Vice, who search high and low for new ways to shock people, apparently read my mind, because this month, the magazine’s fashion story — complete with wear to buy credits, etc. — has menses! Click through (be aware, this is probably NSFW) to see what I mean… [VICE]
Feminine hygiene products should be hygienic, no? Well, that was not the case when Danielle Parr went to insert a Kotex tampon into her hoo-ha and discovered that the tampon popped out of the applicator covered in mold. Let me repeat that: MOLD. MOLLLLLLLLLD. Luckily for her, she was, for some reason, removing the tampon from the applicator before inserting it so she was able to spot the black and green fungus before it was injected into her lady business. Can you imagine? I’m dry heaving. Keep reading »
Ahh, periods. The first time Aunt Flow comes to town is a momentous and sometimes upsetting experience. But it doesn’t have to be! A company called Menarche Parties R Us wants to help you create a lifetime of memories by feting the first expulsion of the uterine wall. Play games like Pin the Ovaries, the Puberty Marshmallow Game, and Menstruation Trivia! Eat (what, red stuff?) off of speciality plates and send guests home with “Private Days Feminine Disposable Bags”! Ensure that your teenage daughter never, ever, ever speaks to you again because you threw such an extravaganza on an already confusing occasion! Keep reading »