Thank. GOD. Where have you been? I have been waiting for the longest time to see you again, and I don’t know what you were doing or where you were at, but I am so so very glad you’re back.
Two months. Is there any good reason you were gone for two months? Your return has been sheepish; I sense that you were away for a good reason, but alas, your elusive nature guarantees that I’l never know why. I’m not sure what I did to make you leave for so long, but let me tell you, I am so relieved — and happy! — to see you again. Keep reading »
For the last week or so, I’ve been somewhat convinced that I’m pregnant. For the most part, this belief was paranoid, but also not entirely outside the realm of possibility. I had a proper French affair when I was in Paris a few weeks ago and at one point there was a broken condom situation, though we realized it was broken and replaced it with a fresh one prior to, ahem, any fluids reaching their apex, so to speak. But I know how babies are made and I’m a total hypochondriac, so when my period failed to arrive on the day it was supposed to, and the day after, and the day after that, and I started feeling gassier than usual, well, I began to panic. I started to type “gas sign of” into Google and the search engine, seemingly reading my mind, autofilled the rest with “early pregnancy.”
Oh god, I thought. It was all but confirmed. Keep reading »
Your annual visit to the lady doctor isn’t necessarily the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon. Between the poking, prodding and your casual evasion of pointed questions like “How many drinks do you have a week?”, going to the the gynecologist is a necessary but not entirely awesome experience. I usually leave the gynecologist with a list of unanswered questions, and I always resolve this situation by taking to Google with a glass of wine, self-diagnosing through the mess of Yahoo! Answers forums and WebMD. It goes without saying that this never really works out for the best. This time, we’ve decided to do the work for you! We consulted the best of the best on the Internet to come up with answers to all those burning questions that feel a little too personal to ask your doctor. Keep reading »
A special experience in every woman’s life is the day she sits through a 45-minute sex ed class in middle school, trotting out after the fact clutching a plastic bag with deodorant, a tampon and a pamphlet called “What’s Happening to My Body?” Sex ed class is something that no one really remembers, only because the education presented is so bizarre. To commemorate this special time in everyone’s life, here are the seven most absurd puberty videos YouTube has to offer. Keep reading »
I originally planned to make this a list of the best menstruation moments in pop culture, but quickly discovered that Hollywood in particular does not have a very positive track record when it comes to tackling the crimson wave in movies and TV. Books and music have done a little better, but for the most part, periods have been portrayed either as something to be revolted by or feared, or for over-the-top comedic effect. So, instead this list evolved in the most memorable menstruation moments in movies, music, books and on TV, for better or worse. I know that there are others I didn’t include, so share any additional memorable period references in pop culture in the comments! Keep reading »
For a variety of totally valid reasons — cramps, bloating, stained underwear, fear of attracting sharks — periods have a pretty bad reputation. Ladies, I hear your exasperated signs upon pulling down your pants to pee and realizing your new pair of sexy panties must be thrown away; I know how it feels to have a field trip to Disneyland totally ruined because your lower abdomen feels like it’s being stabbed with a hot knife; and I, too, have calculated just how many pairs of shoes could have been purchased with the amount of money spent on tampons in my life thus far. But! Periods are not all bad. In fact, there are nine just as valid reasons to rejoice in your moon cycle. Here’s why I’m psyched to still be surfing the crimson wave… Keep reading »
“Tampon Vs. Moon Cup Rap Battle” just might be the most clever advertising I’ve ever seen about periods (not that that’s saying much, as the bar is set rather low). Props to the Moon Cup people for realizing that some people just think they’re a bunch of gross, weird, period blood-collecting hippies. They kinda are, but Moon Cups are way better for environment and vaginal dryness! I think I learned more about how my vagina works from this video than in years of health class. [YouTube]
When I got my period for the first time, I cried. Hard. Just a few months before, while waiting to board to the bus to head to camp for a week, I saw a girl from my class bawling her eyes out. “What’s wrong with Becky?” I asked one of my friends.
“She got her period,” my friend replied solemnly. “She has cramps. And she doesn’t want to deal with wearing pads all week.” Keep reading »
I used to be really kind of scared of my vagina. I got my period when I was 12 but didn’t start using tampons until I was a senior in high school. Tampons looked like they would hurt and I was not interested in my vagina causing me more pain than it already did. I finally faced my fear when I just couldn’t deal with the diaper look of pads for a second longer. Even then, I would only use tampons with applicators, none of that o.b. crap, because I wasn’t about to get all up in there, you know? Though I’d been masturbating since I was 12, I always did it over my underwear and I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost 21. Basically, my vagina intimidated me for a very, very long time.
So it’s been with some level of that same intimidation that I’ve initially recoiled at the thought of using a Diva Cup. For those who are unfamiliar, allow me to explain. The Diva Cup is a reusable menstrual cup that a gal uses instead of a tampon or pad. It is inserted inside the vagina and catches your menstrual flow. It can be worn for up to 12 hours. Once removed, you clean it and then reinsert. Green-minded women love it for its low impact on the environment, while budget conscious ladies never have to buy tampons again. Keep reading »
Dear My Period On The Occasion Of Coming Early,
You’ve been arriving like clockwork for 15 years. I was never a woman that had a problem with you coming a few days late. You always showed the telltale signs: I’d feel bloated, I’d want to eat junk, and I’d be weepy. But I didn’t put the pieces together last week, when the following incidents occurred:
- All I wanted to listen to on Spotify were Disney songs.
- I only wanted to eat potato chips and onion dip for dinner on Wednesday night …
- … and then I randomly got super-horny afterwards.
- On Thursday, I started crying in the office, which I have never, ever done before …
- … and then I felt so bloated and puffy in my stockings that Ami had to snip the elastic on top for me.
But Friday morning when I woke up and saw you ruined a pair of panties in the night, I finally understood: you came early. YOU BASTARD. Keep reading »