I got my first period when I was 12, right before I turned 13. I, of course, felt like I was the last one. My friends Annie and Sarah both got their periods before me and, I swear, it bonded them in a way that made me insanely jealous. I wanted blood to flow out of my vagina too! I wanted Wil Wheaton to respond to my fan mail and I wanted to be a woman, dammit. Then my period arrived and, wouldn’t ya know, it was decided less glamorous than I had thought. Wearing a pad (my hippie mom was never down with tampons, so I had to discover those on my own a few years later) felt like a diaper and looked like one too underneath the leotard I wore to my dance classes. As an adult I’m lucky to have really, really mild cramps, but HOLYMOTHEROFCHRIST, as a teenager, every month it felt like someone was digging out my uterus with a spoon. And, gather round y’all and joins hands, because I would like for us to take a moment to remember all of the panties — so. many. panties. — that have been lost to our menstrual cycles. Hell, I’ve lost a few pairs of pants too. And a shirt once. Don’t ask. Keep reading »
Damn hormones, they fuck up everything! Turns out that you’re probably not sleeping well right before and just at the beginning of your period because both your estrogen and progesterone levels are low during that time.
The National Sleep Foundation says that a little less than a third of women have sleep disturbances because of their menstrual cycle for various reasons — headaches, depression, cramps — but feeling sleepier is reported about a week before periods, when progesterone is high, which means that it’s probable that in addition to physical and emotional reasons for sleep loss, your hormones are affecting your sleep as well. Keep reading »
I’ve been having pregnancy scares since before I even started having sex. This is either a reflection of the quality of sex education in California during the early-‘90s or a sign that I’m just deeply paranoid. Luckily, I’ve never actually been pregnant … just further convinced that sometimes the body likes to play mind games. Alas, my excellent track record did not dissuade a new wave of pregnancy panic. See, my period is late. And I’ve had sex in the last month. It was protected, BUT STILL. Like I said, I’m paranoid. So, just before filming this week’s episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I took a pregnancy test and in true Maury Povich style, I reveal the results at the end of the episode. But first! Let’s review the main reasons for why a normally prompt period might be late … besides pregnancy.
Do you know how many times I’ve heard the phrase “dick cheese”? So many times. Countless times. “Period goobers”? Not so much. It’s time to change this, y’all.
Dudes get to talk about their balls and penises in public all the friggin’ time. They’re so used to being able to talk openly about their dicks that many of them have come to believe that talking about their dicks is an acceptable way to flirt. And balls — blue balls, ball-busting, having things by the balls, having the balls to do stuff — fucking testicles are pervasive in our lives.
I propose changing this by going all-in and talking about our periods openly and graphically. We talk about penises so much that pretty much everyone has a working knowledge about penises and the things they do and go through. Let’s get real real about our vaginas and our lady times. We’ve made penises into sort of lovably comical objects, and it’s time we did the same for poon. I’ll get the ball rolling (SO TO SPEAK): Keep reading »
This is a little weird to say, but I’ve come across an app that makes tracking your period kind of, um, fun! It’s called Clue, and I’m convinced its pretty layout is what makes it so addictive. The design is bright and attractive but devoid of pink, flowers, or any of the other vaguely patronizing nonsense that is usually associated with periods or ovulation. I think it’s such a good idea to track the details of your period, because it feels like I have more control of my health somehow that way, but I’ve jumped between different boring apps and gotten sick of the monotony of recording it too many times to count. Clue, however, kind of feels like I’m playing a game when I use it — like Candy Crush but actually beneficial. When you open the app, you’re greeted by colorful cartoon clouds that change colors based on when your period is predicted to arrive. Like any lady health app, it also predicts the days you’re most fertile, and it uses a nifty circular chart in addition to a regular calendar. You can record your mood, PMS symptoms, sexytime activities, and other little tidbits using cute buttons that distract from the not-so-cute reality of those cramps you’re keeping track of. Our bodies are kind of amazing in their complexity, and recording this stuff always makes it a bit easier try understand. I’m totally into it. [Clue]
Three forward-thinking women have put their heads together to create the ultimate in lingerie — pretty, stain-resistant underwear meant to help you survive your period without ruined clothes and embarrassing moments. Why didn’t anyone come up with this sooner!?
The panties are called THINX, and they’re the brain child of twin sisters Radha and Miki Agrawal and their friend Antonia Dunbar. After facing one too many public period disasters, the ladies got fed up with the cultural stigma surrounding menstruation — and how that stigma has prevented innovation in the products we use to manage our time of the month. THINX undies are made with “four-layer technology” to prevent leakage, but are still thin enough to feel something like real underwear. They’re offered as hiphuggers, thongs, and even a fancy lacy variety. Keep reading »