Tag Archives: mayonnaise

Mayonnaise Pervert Arrested For Slathering Schoolgirls In Japan

Another day, another dairy fetishist harassing women. If you thought the Swiss Cheese Pervert was disgusting, prepared to be equally skeeved out by Japan’s Mayonnaise Pervert, who was arrested this week. Keep reading »

“Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” Is Back With Life Lessons About Mayonnaise

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Yuck, Marannaise!

I have something to live for again. “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” is returning this Sunday. If this preview is any indication, the second season should be just as happy-making as the first. Mama June reveals her fear of mayonnaise. (It looks like June and I have something else in common besides our age! I’m also a mayonnaise-o-phobe!) She says she had a babysitter growing up who made her eat mayonnaise sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. VOM. I feel the visceral pain of that. In the video above, Chubbs tries to school Mama on the virtues of mayonnaise. “It’s just like ketchup, but it’s white.”  But Chubbs doesn’t eat it because she’s a vegetarian, to which Pumpkin replies: “Marannaise does not have meat in it. You cannot be a vegetarian because of marannaise … Marannaise is something you put on a sammich.”  God, I missed Pumpkin. Meanwhile, Honey Boo Boo scoops marannaise into a giant bowl, inducing a panic attack in June. [Us Weekly]

Help Me, Please: A Mayonnaise Addict

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Philippa Garfield is a mayonnaise addict

Those near and dear to me know the thing I hate most in the world: mayonnaise. That evil beast of a condiment. Sorry if you are a mayonnaise lover and I’ve offended you. I have good reason though. When I as in high school, I worked at Mrs. Fields. It’s bakery and sandwich shop for those of you who are unfamiliar. Anyhow, one of the things I was responsible for was something called “flipping the deli.” This is when you take the sandwich ingredients stored in those metal bins and you give them a “flip” so that no one part of the ingredient is out in the open air for too long. One of these ingredients was mayonnaise. If you’ve never had the great pleasure of “flipping” a vat of mayonnaise, here’s what you need to know: It forms a brown crust after only minutes of air exposure. And I cannot tolerate this brown crust. It scares the crap out of me and I’ve not eaten mayonnaise since. OK, that’s the backstory. Onwards to the real story. There exists a woman with a mayonnaise addiction. Of course there does. But, NOOOOOOOOOO! Keep reading »

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