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8 Sex “Mistakes” We Don’t Regret From College

iStockphoto

We snorted Frappucino out our noses reading Maxim‘s “9 Sexual Mistakes You Made In College,” because we totally boned that guy with un-ironic Power Rangers bed sheets who wore his socks while doing that deed.

Yeah, that guy was a mistake—but, by and large, we look back on our college years with zero regrets. That night with the handcuffs? The trip up our back door? The romp with our Women’s Studies TA? They’re all juicy bits to keep things entertaining when our life flashes before our eyes. Ladies of gentler stock might reflect on their higher education years with shame. But those bitches don’t remember what really happened anyway, because they needed at least three Jaeger bombs just to loosen up.  After the jump, sex “mistakes” we don’t regret making in college.

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Quickies! Joe Jonas Reveals Miley Cyrus Is Dating His Brother Nick

Miley Cyrus And Nick Jonas Are Dating
  • Joe Jonas slips up and reveals that his brother Nick and Miley Cyrus are dating (gag), during an interview with Larry King. [PopEater] —The awkwardness that ensues is almost too much to take (watch the video to get the full effect.)
  • Ryan Reynolds is a fine actor, but even more impressive are his style skills. The man is lookin’ suave. [Asylum]—To all the men out there, this is how you should dress.

 

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The Real Hotties Of Maxim’s Hot 100

As if us ladies are not already kept very aware of the Playboy bunny-esque qualities men supposedly find hot, every year lad mag Maxim graciously reminds us of their 100 favorite hotties—who look creepily similar. Big boobs. Bouncy hair. A toned ass. Yawn.

Most of the women who make Maxim drool are glaringly obvious—hi, Anna Kournikova and Scarlett Johannson—and other choices are as downright confusing as we know men to be. (Exhibit A: “Hills”-bot Heidi Montag. Really, Maxim?) But we have to give the magazine a little credit for the few smart, sexy, funny women who they included that we actually like. (Alas, not Tina Fey or Amy Poehler, but there’s always next year.)

So—no offense to blonde extensions and double DDs!— but here are the real hotties in the Maxim hot 100.

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Quickies!: Maxim Says Olivia Wilde Is Hot

Olivia Wilde Tops Maxim Hot 100 List
  • Olivia Wilde is Maxim‘s top pick for their annual Hot 100 List. [Asylum]—Megan Fox probably didn’t mind coming in second because she wants to get freaky with Olivia.
  • Former Miss USA Shanna Moakler has resigned from her position as co-executive director of the Miss California USA Pageant, saying she no longer believes in it and has to be a role model to her children. [Perez Hilton]—She has nothing going for her now.
  • Nicole Kidman has quit Woody Allen’s untitled project, but she didn’t give a reason. [Dlisted]—Don’t these chicks know you don’t quit a job in a recession? Oh yeah, they’re celebrities.

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    Men’s Magazines Prefer Black Models With Lighter Skin

    Men's Magazines Prefer Light Skin Black Models

    Last week, Tyra Banks said she’s trying to expand the idea of what the fashion industry considers beautiful. According to her, black models with lighter skin are deemed more commercial, whereas darker-skinnned black models are considered more high fashion. We’ve noticed this phenomenon holds true when a woman’s “hotness” is being judged, too.

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    Seven Things I Learned About Men From Working At Maxim

    Lessons Learned About Men From Working At Maxim

    Earlier today, we posted an essay by former Maxim editor Keith Blanchard in which he listed the nine things he learned about women from working at the magazine. I worked at Maxim, and I learned a few things, too—about men, that is. Most of my lessons were gained from working with a predominantly male staff. In the editorial department, I was one of two or three females over the course of two-and-a-half years. Here are seven things that have stayed with me ...

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    9 Things I Learned About Women From Editing Maxim

    Geek Guy

    I edited Maxim for four years, and let me tell you, we knew everything there was to know about guys. Like this: All guys really care about is girls. Our sex and relationship pieces tried to break down the great female mystery, and they were consistently the highest-rated articles in the magazine aside from, well, the pictorials. And we learned a lot ourselves. Here are nine interesting nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from my job presenting women to men.

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    Quickies!: Remember, The Guys At Maxim Actually Want Our Opinions!

    Maxim Women's Only Sex Survey
  • Don’t forget, Maxim wants YOU for its ladies only sex survey! [The Frisky]
  • Are you like Anne Hathaway, refusing to lie for the one you love? [Dear Sugar]
  • Joe Sixpack is totally sexy. Just ask Governor Sarah Palin. [College Candy]
  •  

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    What Boys Want: Take Maxim’s “For The Ladies” Sex Survey

    Take Maxim's

    So, you know what you should do this weekend? See “Rachel At The Wedding”? Yes! Eat copious amounts of junk food? Yes! But you should also do something productive with your time, like fill out Maxim‘s LADIES ONLY sex survey. They’ve asked us to hook them up with the intelligent, sassy, snarky pool of ladies that read this blog in hopes that you’ll provide their readers with the information they’re desperate to know about the mysterious female psyche.

    Now, I’ve already taken the survey and can attest to how easy and entertaining it is to answer. The questions range from “What old-fashioned chivalrous things do you still expect a guy to do?” (umm, not dump me without a warning?) to “What is an absolute deal-breaker in a relationship?” (dumping me without warning!), as well as a few that go way, way below the belt. So hook those lads up—the more guys understand about women, the better off we’ll all be. [Maxim’s Biggest, Hardest Sex Survey Ever!]

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    The Frisky’s Top Five Additions (And Subtractions) To Maxim’s Hot 100

    Maxim Hot 100

    Maxim just released their latest Hot 100 list and swimsuit model Marissa Miller grabbed the top spot. All in all, the list was filled with the usual suspects—Christina Aguilera, Eva Longoria, Lindsay Lohan—and some surprisingly cool women we’re proud of Maxim for pickings—Zooey Deschanel, America Ferrara, and Kat Von D. But we did have some suggestions for who we would have included—and who we would have have dropped. The Top Five Additions (and Subtractions) after the jump…

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    U.S. Representative Proposes Ban On Men’s Magazines At Military Bases

    Maxim Magazine

    U.S. Representative Paul Broun (R-Ga) has introduced a bill that would ban all sexually explicit material from military bases overseas, including Playboy, Penthouse, and Maxim magazines—currently there is a ban on “porn” enforced, but there is a loophole. Critics of the bill say it would be bad for morale.

    A Department of Defense committee that reviews materials sold on bases ruled last year that magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse are not pornographic. But Broun’s Military Honor and Decency Act includes language that could make those magazines eligible for the ban…. Broun, a Marine veteran, told Newsweek recently that the magazines sold in military exchanges are partly responsible for a rise in sexual assaults in the military and other problems.

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    Frisky Quote Of The Day

    Sarah Jessica Parker

    “It’s so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger…. Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men’s magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It’s kind of shocking…It’s condemnation, it’s insane. What can I do? I guess you can’t please all people.”—Sarah Jessica Parker to Grazia magazine about Maxim naming her the Unsexiest Woman In The World

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    Made For A Woman, But Gentle And Anti-Aunty Flo Enough For A Man

    Seasonique

    Seasonique, the birth control pill that makes women menstruate only four times a year, is being marketed to men. Ads have appeared in laddie magazine Maxim, which is known for its frat-bro attitude and bikini clad spreads, and Spike TV, the channel dedicated to a Late Night Strip Poll. Apparently, the execs marketing Seasonique think guys who like those brands are getting laid, but they’re trying to stop them from spawning.  Those men—who are seemingly fascinated by a poop that can kill—are surprisingly grossed out by Aunt Flo coming to stay five days out of the month. Maybe that’s why Seasonique is hoping to get these men to talk to the women in their lives about using their form of birth control. Although the dudes may think they’re in some great hush-hush scheme to banish Aunt Flo, the joke is on them since the same ads are also running on Lifetime. Ha!  Ain’t nothing gonna cramp a ladies’ ability to choose her own birth control. Period! [Marie Claire]

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    Text Message Abbreviations For The Advanced

    text messages

    Yesterday, Maxim‘s Sex Blog had a post about “sext messaging,” you know, sending dirty text messages. It even offered up some suggestions, i.e., “IANWAP” means “I am not wearing any panties.” As you know, we think text message abbreviations are a little ridiculous, so Amelia and I (OK, mostly Amelia) came up with a few suggested texts for when you’re NOT in the mood. See if you guess what they are, then find out after the jump.

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    Maxim Makes Another Stupid List

    Tina Fey

    The “lists” Maxim comes up with drive us a lil’ crazy. A few months ago they published their list of the “least sexy” female celebrities, which was topped by Sarah Jessica Parker. This time around they have a list of “not traditionally pretty women” that they would totally “do”. How mature and generous of them to flatter these fugly women with their boner’s approval! So who’s on the list? Tina Frickin’ Fey for one, who we totally adore and would do too, but because she’s gorgeous, funny, brilliant, and smart. Pink, Meg White from The White Stripes, Juliette Lewis, and Lisa Lampinelli are also on the list, possibly the most random of all time. Don’t these guys have anything more important to work on, like compiling a list of the most disappointing porn flicks of all time? [Maxim]

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    SJP Is Sexy Ugly In Our Book

    Maxim, that pillar of enlightened thinking for men, recently released their list of the Top Five Unsexiest Women of All Time, an assignment that, um, nobody assigned them. At the top of the list was Sarah Jessica Parker—and for that all of womankind should feel particularly smited. It’s not that we would argue that SJP is the Sexiest Woman of All Time (but hubby Matthew Broderick probably would). However, Parker does fall into that category of woman who men don’t see the appeal of but women go completely mad for. The 2001 film Kissing Jessica Stein coined the term “sexy ugly” to describe people who are not typically, traditionally beautiful (according to the patriarchal system which has, you know, that pig-slob Seth Rogen boning hot Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up) but ooze a certain gorgeousness or sex appeal that can’t be bought with the perfect button nose or full C-rack. SJP totally is what we consider to be sexy ugly. Who lands on your list? [MSNBC]

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