Tag Archives: mating

Goats In Lust: They’re Just Like Us!

Goats In Lust: They're Just Like Us!

We’d all like to think we’ve evolved way past our animal antecedents, having transcended the baser survival instincts that propelled us from the primordial ooze to this moment. These very instincts have been variously invoked by relationship experts, who will one day have us believing that we’re not that different from our mammalian brethren and the next consoling us with the alleged ocean that exists between our higher selves and our need-driven beast counterparts.

All that stuff about how men can’t be expected to be faithful because they’re programmed to spread their seed much like our ape ancestors did … I mean who the fuck knows? Seems like a pretty convenient theory that leaves out a lot of female agency.  I’m hardly an expert in matters of love, human evolution or animal psychology, but I did recently begin a new career in goat husbandry, and if my weeks inside a barn witnessing the aforementioned ruminants breed is any indication, we’re really not so far off from our quadripedular (not a word but it stays) friends. Here are some things that I found eerily familiar in simultaneously distressing and comforting ways. Being that I’m totally objective and trained in these matters, I will say authoritatively that these observations basically reaffirmed my suspicion that dudes are by and large totally addled idiots when fueled by lust, and that sex makes bitches act cray. Highly scientific stuff. I’m probably going to be awarded an honorary degree from somewhere any minute. Keep reading »

10 Strange & Disturbing Animal Mating Rituals

Yes, dating and relationships can be hard, but just be glad you’re not a porcupine. Or a dolphin. Or any of the other animals we’ve found with strange and somewhat disturbing mating rituals. At least your boyfriend doesn’t DIE when he has sex with you, like the honey bee, or try to insert his penis into your abdomen, like the bed bug. Click through to read all about it. Keep reading »

Real Dragon Ladies Fake Death To Avoid Sex

It’s hard to start the sex fire with the female Lake Eyre dragon from Australia. They pretend to be dead to avoid fornication. The female Lake Eyre dragon is particular about her partners. Why? Because their mating ritual begins with the male biting her neck to hold her down, an act that can result in back-breaking death. Here’s how she does it.

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Panda Mating In BBC Documentary

The BBC and Chinese state television collaborated on a documentary showing giant pandas’ courtship in the wild, and it just might be the first time such images will appear on TV. Very exciting. The producer of the documentary Wild China says the mating calls sound like “Chewbaccas in a pub brawl.” But the guy pandas don’t have it easy. Not only do they have to fight off other men, they have to be ready for the two-day “peak receptive time” for female giant pandas. The male waits it out by eating bamboo. Perhaps the whole eating-chips-on-the-couch-while-watching-sports thing is the human equivalent of the pandas’ pre-sex waiting ritual. [BBC] Keep reading »

Vagenius: The Evolution Of Monkey Business

While a lot of celebrities like to walk around with their cooters out, it turns out that just means they’re less evolved females. Big surprise! But seriously, evolution is to blame for all the problems men have reading women’s sexual signals — although it seems like the trade off was worth it. Back in the day, when we were monkeys, our privates were very public. When our hairy ancestors were in heat, their vajayjay butts would swell up and then they’d go around trying to get laid by showing off the hot mess to the males like this. Conversely, since the apes walked around on all fours, the men’s junk was hidden, so if they popped up, no one was the wiser. Needless to say, ape sexuality was totally backwards by today’s human standards. So, how’d our fates get reversed? Keep reading »

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