Men, bless them. They love to think about us masturbating, at least the way they think we masturbate based on porn they’ve seen. If only they could be a fly on the wall when we’re actually pleasuring ourselves. Everything they thought to be true would be rocked. My average self-love sessions are performed without fanfare. Done with bad breath, messy hair, in my old sweat pants, before bed, when I wake up, am feeling stressed, or sad, or bored, or annoyed, or horny. After the jump, some stupid misconception guys have about the way we masturbate. Keep reading »
Tag Archives: masturbation
My mother and I were standing in the Atlantic Ocean with water up to our knees.
“Remember when I caught you masturbating, Chloe?” she asked.
“When you were five.”
“I wasn’t five, mom.” Keep reading »
A New York City man referring to himself on Twitter as Mister PeePee has taken it upon himself to masturbate in every single Starbucks bathroom in New York City and then “rate” the “results” on some newfangled Boner Scale. (Jeez, talking about loving the pumpkin spice lattes!) According to the blog Gothamist, he has ambitiously signed up for wanks in over 298 public restrooms. Mister PeePee publicizes his findings in the form of a podcast and reportedly tweets his ratings, as well. Ah, the things you can do on the internet! In response, I will be boycotting Starbucks bathrooms for
the forseeable future forever, possibly. [Gothamist]
“Masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.”
— This is Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle’s fundamentalist Mars Hill Church in his no-doubt enlightening brochure “Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men.” Anything other than heterosexual sex is “bordering on homosexual activity” because you’re fooling around with someone of the same sex, duh. The logic, it is flawless! Also, I am as gay as a picnic basket on “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” being filmed in the Castro District during a Judy Garland Convention. [Queerty] Keep reading »
That is exactly what you think it is. An sculptural interpretation of finger banging. There’s more where that came from at South Korea’s Jeju Love Land, an erotic sculpture park featuring 140 sculptures of sexy stuff. Also of note, a gigantic mosaic penis that squirts water and a bronzed woman pleasuring herself. As Liz Lemon would say, “I want to go to there.” [Laughing Squid]
You know who doesn’t get enough appreciation around here? Those hardworking folks we jerk off to. I mean, talk about a group constantly overlooked year after year on Labor Day. Most of them toil away busily in our brains, meeting our every sexual need, and what do they have to show for it? Nothing. That’s where ThankYourWank.com fills a much-needed gap in the masturbation-related gratitude industry. Not only can you post photographs of that girl who sits next to you in Comp Sci — which we’re sure her family and future employers will appreciate — but you can also thank celebrities who star in your sexual fantasies. (Let me say it loud and clear so I can never be accused of not being appreciative enough: CLIVE OWEN, THANK YOU.) Basically, Thank Your Wank is just a masturbation-themed Hot Or Not knockoff. But at least you can get weekly email alerts about how many people have gotten themselves off while thinking about you. [ThankYourWank.com via YourTango] Keep reading »
Accusing the courtly British interviewer Piers Morgan of being rude did not seem to work for Christine O’Donnell, so now she is claiming sexism is to blame. “If he was sitting there talking to Barack Obama or Joe Biden or any other male Senate candidates, talking about masturbation and all of this stuff, it would’ve been creepy,” she told the conservative website The Daily Caller. “He kept pressing and pressing and pressing.” Morgan was referring to her publicly-known views about masturbation being sinful, which she compared to adultery on a 1996 MTV special about sex. One would assume the president and vice president have never had to answer questions about masturbation because they have each been discreet enough to keep their opinions on the topic to themselves. If either man had crusaded against masturbation at any point in their careers, I’d bet my firstborn child that the mainstream media would be all over it. Keep reading »
It’s amazing what a man will do when he is both horny and bored. I firmly believe all of man’s great contributions to civilization were a direct result of boredom and sexual frustration. Alexander the Great conquered the ancient world because he was bored and horny. Galileo turned his telescope to the stars because he was bored and horny. The entire Internet, the greatest communication device ever invented, was basically created by legions of bored and horny men. So that’s my excuse. The reason I almost, almost, purchased a male sex toy online is because I was bored and horny. Keep reading »