Men, bless them. They love to think about us masturbating, at least the way they think we masturbate based on porn they’ve seen. If only they could be a fly on the wall when we’re actually pleasuring ourselves. Everything they thought to be true would be rocked. My average self-love sessions are performed without fanfare. Done with bad breath, messy hair, in my old sweat pants, before bed, when I wake up, am feeling stressed, or sad, or bored, or annoyed, or horny. After the jump, some stupid misconception guys have about the way we masturbate. Keep reading »
My mother and I were standing in the Atlantic Ocean with water up to our knees.
“Remember when I caught you masturbating, Chloe?” she asked.
“When you were five.”
“I wasn’t five, mom.” Keep reading »
A New York City man referring to himself on Twitter as Mister PeePee has taken it upon himself to masturbate in every single Starbucks bathroom in New York City and then “rate” the “results” on some newfangled Boner Scale. (Jeez, talking about loving the pumpkin spice lattes!) According to the blog Gothamist, he has ambitiously signed up for wanks in over 298 public restrooms. Mister PeePee publicizes his findings in the form of a podcast and reportedly tweets his ratings, as well. Ah, the things you can do on the internet! In response, I will be boycotting Starbucks bathrooms for
the forseeable future forever, possibly. [Gothamist]
“Masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.”
— This is Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle’s fundamentalist Mars Hill Church in his no-doubt enlightening brochure “Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men.” Anything other than heterosexual sex is “bordering on homosexual activity” because you’re fooling around with someone of the same sex, duh. The logic, it is flawless! Also, I am as gay as a picnic basket on “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” being filmed in the Castro District during a Judy Garland Convention. [Queerty] Keep reading »
That is exactly what you think it is. An sculptural interpretation of finger banging. There’s more where that came from at South Korea’s Jeju Love Land, an erotic sculpture park featuring 140 sculptures of sexy stuff. Also of note, a gigantic mosaic penis that squirts water and a bronzed woman pleasuring herself. As Liz Lemon would say, “I want to go to there.” [Laughing Squid]
You know who doesn’t get enough appreciation around here? Those hardworking folks we jerk off to. I mean, talk about a group constantly overlooked year after year on Labor Day. Most of them toil away busily in our brains, meeting our every sexual need, and what do they have to show for it? Nothing. That’s where ThankYourWank.com fills a much-needed gap in the masturbation-related gratitude industry. Not only can you post photographs of that girl who sits next to you in Comp Sci — which we’re sure her family and future employers will appreciate — but you can also thank celebrities who star in your sexual fantasies. (Let me say it loud and clear so I can never be accused of not being appreciative enough: CLIVE OWEN, THANK YOU.) Basically, Thank Your Wank is just a masturbation-themed Hot Or Not knockoff. But at least you can get weekly email alerts about how many people have gotten themselves off while thinking about you. [ThankYourWank.com via YourTango] Keep reading »