One dude is going to extreme lengths to stop himself from masturbating. Brian “Head” Welch, who used to play guitar is that awful band KoRn (yeah, I said it!) and is already heavily tattooed, has gotten JESUS tattooed across his knuckles so he’s deterred from playing his own instrument. How not metal. He explains:
“The Jesus tattoo on my hand keeps me from masturbating and I haven’t been with a woman since my ex-wife left me almost five years ago. I go to those extremes to be like Christ and it works for me.”
Now I know as well as anyone how hard it can be to get over a bad breakup, but seriously? [Needles And Sins]
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I’m a little sad for John Hudson. The dude just turned 18 and to celebrate his birthday, he decided to squat between two cars in a parking lot and masturbate while wearing women’s undies and stockings. Then the cops arrived, totally busting up his private party of one, and arrested Hudson on obscenity and trespassing charges. The police also found pornographic magazines, lotion and a “pink dildo with pubic hairs on it.” In his “defense,” Hudson says he has a “fetish” for such things. I feel bad for the dude. Just turned 18 and already has a criminal record for something that’s pretty harmless. I mean, I wouldn’t want my five-year-old happening upon Hudson, but the fact that he was squatting between two cars indicates he was at least trying to hide — doesn’t that count for something? [Splash News] Keep reading »
This week I got a letter from a teeny bopper, who just can’t seem to “She Bop,” if you know what I mean. She wrote:
I’m 19, have never had a boyfriend, and am still a virgin.
I’m not coming to you for relationship advice; the way I see it I don’t need a man right now. The thing is, as I’m sure you know, sex dominates culture. Just because I’ve never done it doesn’t mean I haven’t heard stories, and it’s made me pretty damn horny. I’m kind of curious about masturbation, but I feel like I’m just doing it wrong. Nothing seems to really get me there. Do you have advice for a beginner like me?
Well, honey, even a ho like me will tell you that there’s no rush to lose your virginity — especially if you’ haven’t orgasmed on your own first! Lettin’ some dude sock it to you before you know how to get off isn’t gonna do it for ya. No man is that good. You’ve got to take your O into your own hands! You’ve got to solve, or rather diddle, your own ecstasy riddle. So, all that work you’ve been doing feeling around down there, even if it hasn’t finished the job, is a good start! Now here’s how you can take yourself all the way home. Keep reading »
Buffin’ the muffin. Tiptoeing through the two lips. Five knuckle gusset shuffle. Coochie cuddling. And, if you’re Irish, Tickling me Elmo. We all do it and we all have our favorite euphemisms for it—so why can’t we talk about it? Keep reading »
Jeebus. Why does everybody get so freaked out when adults dare to talk about teenagers masturbating, considering horny 13-year-old guys probably jerk off more than anyone in the world? Alas, there’s drama in Sheffield, England, because medical professionals are circulating a pamphlet to teens which suggests that self-pleasure might be more satisfying than, oh, having sex before they’re ready or getting knocked up. The pamphlet is called “Pleasure” and it says:
“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away….Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes’ physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?”
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“Adult” and “sex ed” are three words that sound terrible together at first glance. But lo and behold, O: The Oprah Magazine sat in on an adult sex ed class full of 40- to 60-somethings at the First Unitarian Church in Austin, TX, and one thing is for certain: bumbling teens aren’t the only ones with questions!
Unitarians are smart for realizing that learning about one’s sexuality is a lifelong pursuit. How to properly put on a condom and what to do about queefing preoccupy the young pups. New parents, an infertile couple, women who lost her breasts to mastectomies, and other grownups now realize that 45-minute lecture from the gym coach back in 10th grade left something to be desired! Keep reading »
Last night, my guy went to watch Megan Fox’s hot body, I mean, “Transformers 2.” One girlfriend wanted me to grab dinner and another wanted to see a movie.
But the only thing I wanted to do was eat half a bag of potato chips for dinner, flip through Women’s Health and paint my nails with a hot pink polish so bright it would blind a newborn.
So you know what? That’s what I did.
Kinda lame, I know. But I had a really great relationship with myself for those two years that I was single and last night reminded me there are some kinda lame things single women do that are actually really fun. Keep reading »
What would you do if your significant other masturbated twice a day? Would you be upset? Grossed out? Concerned? Or would you not care? Slate’s “Dear Prudence” heard from a man whose wife was upset by his twice daily masturbation habit and, I have to say, I’m not sure how I feel about her advice. Keep reading »
There are two types of women in the world: women who are totally comfortable with masturbation and those who are ashamed of the act. I realize there are more than two types of women in the world, so forgive my rhetorical cheat. It’s for a good cause.
I don’t know why some women are weird about pleasuring themselves. I am not, in fact, a woman. But to those who are embarrassed about it, please, think about rubbing one out for your boyfriend or husband tonight. He will love it. There are few spectacles as captivating as a woman getting herself off. It is pure sex on toast. Watching your girl squirm, growl, and hit the right buttons while you whisper dirty little secrets and improper commands is so hot, it makes my guts ache. It’s vulnerable, and intimate, and epically eye-crossing. Keep reading »