Writing a song about self-love isn’t as easy as it sounds, I imagine. How do you pen a tune about masturbation that doesn’t sound obvious or conjure up disturbing images? The following artists did it right, in no particular order (and check out clips of the songs, after the jump). Keep reading »
“Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her nondominant hand. I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn’t have been me.”
– Paul Reubens, aka Pee Wee Herman, talks to Playboy about his 1991 arrest for playing with himself in public [Huffington Post] Keep reading »
Now men can combine two of their favorite things: masturbation and competitive sports! The Count Machine Onahole is a revolutionary new masturbation device that keeps track of the number of strokes, calories burned, and the total time it takes for the user to achieve orgasm. For just $123 you can insert your throbbing member into a synthetic, plastic vag, attach the counting device, and pump away while the clock runs. And then, do it again and see if you can beat your best SPM (strokes per minute). The current record is held by a porn star who clocked in at 426 SPM. Beat that, guys! Literally. Beat it. [Weird Asia News] Keep reading »
Poor dudes. Masturbation is just so messy. Once a dude is ready to blow, he’s forced to find a roll of toilet paper, box of tissues, or a sock to take care of the aftermath. Well, it’s time for men to save their Kleenex for the sniffles, stop using up all the TP, and leave their socks on. Now when he masturbates, he can simply wear a Man Bib! These handmade and machine washable bibs tie around the penis for one-size-fits-all convenience. Instead of having to leave the scene of the crime, he can masturbate and bask in the pleasure of having his clean team right there. Man Bibs come in camo for the hunter, denim for the cowboy, leather for the biker, tartan for the Scotsman, Studio55 for the metrosexual, and High School Musical for the one with a Peter Pan syndrome. [$25, TheCheeky.com] Keep reading »
Nicola Paginton is an inspiration to us all: the 30-year-old nanny allegedly died of a heart attack while masturbating to porn. Suck it, Mary Poppins! Police said last October, Paginton failed to show up for work one day; her employer came to the nanny’s place because she wasn’t answering her phone. There she and a neighbor broke inside and discovered Paginton dead, lying on her bed with a vibrator by her side and a porn playing on her laptop. The coroner ruled her “activity before bed” likely contributed to this otherwise healthy young lady’s sudden heart arrhythmia.
Let this be a reminder to us all to only give house keys to friends who we wouldn’t mind seeing our bodies mid-orgasm after rigor mortis has set in. [The Sun UK] Keep reading »
Ever since I got dumped, my confidence has taken on a new level of manic that I hadn’t experienced since I realized that I had boobs and got my first massive zit on the same day. I vacillate between the first person to suggest we all strip down and jump in the ocean to the girl who hasn’t worn a bikini since 1996, at which time it was striped cotton from Gap Kids. This has had a major effect on my personal loving time. All of the sudden, I turn off the lights and hide under the sheets. My vibrator went from being a friendly reminder of my empowered sexuality to a sorry plastic accessory of my depression. Suddenly I didn’t have time to make myself pant and moan because work was exhausting me to the point of brain numbness. And you know that once you think your day job is more important than orgasmic relief, you are taking the express route to a nervous breakdown. Keep reading »
Yesterday, I wrote about a survey that revealed 11-percent of men under 30 masturbate while they’re driving. I was confused. Why are you guys spanking your monkey behind the wheel, I wondered. Rather than dudes responding in the comments with why they play their skin flutes rather than focusing on, you know, driving, a lot of you ladies admitted that you have a penchant for, as Amelia puts it, “stroking the man in the boat” in some pretty odd places, as well. Like, while driving. Or behind your desk in your cubicle. Tricky! (For the record, we don’t condone doing anything other than driving while driving.) Where are weird places that you — or, you know, your female “friends” — have masturbated? Keep reading »
Dear Men: A recent survey will reveal that 11-percent of those of you under 30 are masturbating while driving. WHAT THE HELL? I mean, what are you doing? What are you thinking? Why are you masturbating and driving at the same time? I have so many questions, and too few answers. Is it a privacy thing? There you are, behind the wheel, alone, so why not? Are you bored? Driving is boring, so you fill the time by … fondling yourself? Or is this some sort of dare devil thing, and you like it when you’re at risk of dying while choking your proverbial chicken? It’s stuff like this that makes me realize that when the subject is men, I have no idea who you people are. If male Frisky readers could please explain in the comments, we ladies would appreciate it.
Love, Sus [The Sexist] Keep reading »
Recently, it has come to my attention that there are women out there curious about the self-love habits of the male species. (Specifically, a Frisky staffer who will probably get angry if I give her a shout-out in this post.) Since I have opined about female masturbation, it seems only fair that I pontificate on the mysteries of men self-pleasuring. As The Frisky’s houseboy/wizard/testosterone consultant, I feel it is my responsibility to explain such things. But first things first: your boyfriend or husband masturbates. No, this doesn’t mean you’re not satisfying him in bed. Tsk-tsk, it’s not always about you. This just means he has a penis, and some time to kill. Remember, female orgasms are tiny little atomic blasts. Male orgasms are more like Roman candles. Which we buy in bulk. Keep reading »
Starting June 9, the World Cup soccer matches will dominate TV for the next month and it looks like their ad folks have a solid idea of their target audience.
After the jump, take a NSFW look at what this lady is doing with her mouth … Keep reading »