Ever since I got dumped, my confidence has taken on a new level of manic that I hadn’t experienced since I realized that I had boobs and got my first massive zit on the same day. I vacillate between the first person to suggest we all strip down and jump in the ocean to the girl who hasn’t worn a bikini since 1996, at which time it was striped cotton from Gap Kids. This has had a major effect on my personal loving time. All of the sudden, I turn off the lights and hide under the sheets. My vibrator went from being a friendly reminder of my empowered sexuality to a sorry plastic accessory of my depression. Suddenly I didn’t have time to make myself pant and moan because work was exhausting me to the point of brain numbness. And you know that once you think your day job is more important than orgasmic relief, you are taking the express route to a nervous breakdown. Keep reading »
Tag Archives: masturbation
Yesterday, I wrote about a survey that revealed 11-percent of men under 30 masturbate while they’re driving. I was confused. Why are you guys spanking your monkey behind the wheel, I wondered. Rather than dudes responding in the comments with why they play their skin flutes rather than focusing on, you know, driving, a lot of you ladies admitted that you have a penchant for, as Amelia puts it, “stroking the man in the boat” in some pretty odd places, as well. Like, while driving. Or behind your desk in your cubicle. Tricky! (For the record, we don’t condone doing anything other than driving while driving.) Where are weird places that you — or, you know, your female “friends” — have masturbated? Keep reading »
Dear Men: A recent survey will reveal that 11-percent of those of you under 30 are masturbating while driving. WHAT THE HELL? I mean, what are you doing? What are you thinking? Why are you masturbating and driving at the same time? I have so many questions, and too few answers. Is it a privacy thing? There you are, behind the wheel, alone, so why not? Are you bored? Driving is boring, so you fill the time by … fondling yourself? Or is this some sort of dare devil thing, and you like it when you’re at risk of dying while choking your proverbial chicken? It’s stuff like this that makes me realize that when the subject is men, I have no idea who you people are. If male Frisky readers could please explain in the comments, we ladies would appreciate it.
Recently, it has come to my attention that there are women out there curious about the self-love habits of the male species. (Specifically, a Frisky staffer who will probably get angry if I give her a shout-out in this post.) Since I have opined about female masturbation, it seems only fair that I pontificate on the mysteries of men self-pleasuring. As The Frisky’s houseboy/wizard/testosterone consultant, I feel it is my responsibility to explain such things. But first things first: your boyfriend or husband masturbates. No, this doesn’t mean you’re not satisfying him in bed. Tsk-tsk, it’s not always about you. This just means he has a penis, and some time to kill. Remember, female orgasms are tiny little atomic blasts. Male orgasms are more like Roman candles. Which we buy in bulk. Keep reading »
I was one of those girls who bought a vibrator in high school. She — yes, she’s a she — was leopard print and I hid her deep inside my closet where even the nosiest parent would not find her. She lasted all throughout college, a trip to Europe and back, and even withstood a minor, battery-related fire. (Be careful, everyone!) When she retired to the great sex shop in the sky, I replaced her with a new vibrator — a slick, slim, glittery blue little rocket — which I never quite felt was “me.” A few years ago I got myself one of Toys in Babeland’s bestselling vibes, the Laya Spot. It’s a darling shade of green and shaped like a cute little critter, curled up to sleep in its nest. She and I have enjoyed some good times indeed.
But these days, my vibrator is quite literally gathering dust, tossed off to the side of the bed. I suppose I should be pleased that something with a pulse is now tussling the bed sheets. But to be completely blunt, I miss masturbating sometimes. Keep reading »
“People think I’m vain because I look in mirrors so much, but I’m not looking in mirrors, thinking, ‘Look at you, you hunk.’ I’m just checking to see if I’m still there”
— Russell Brand in a very revealing — in so many ways — interview with Rolling Stone. He also told the magazine this interesting bit of philosophy:
…If you ejaculate onto yourself, there’s that beautiful, transcendent, orgasmic moment of relief, then you walk to the bathroom, clean up and you catch yourself in the mirror and it’s like, ‘I don’t know what you’re looking at! Kings have done that!’”
For over a decade, Bob Dole, your father and untold legions of horny old men have reaped the benefits of the erectile dysfunction pill Viagra. Next month, a Food and Drug Administration committee will deliberate on the so-called “female Viagra,” a pill called flibanserin that reportedly ignites a woman’s sexual desire. It’s about damn time, people! [The Washington Post]
Now, we at The Frisky don’t necessarily have a problem with better living through chemistry and I’m not doubting that some — or even many — women have a lower libido than they would like. But, ladies (and the fellas who love them), before you go popping little blue pills (dear God, please tell me female Viagra are not going to be little pink pills), let’s put on our Cosmo hat and try some other moves to up your sexual desire first. And no, none of them involve Horny Goat Weed. Keep reading »
This Hand Job sex toy by Topco for Adam & Eve featuring the hand of porn star Kayden Kross is sure to come in handy for whenever a guy needs it. If you’re not familiar with Kayden’s oeuvre, she played Elin Nordegren in “Tiger’s Wood.” Featuring a Cyberskin model of Kayden’s hand wrapped around a sleeve of plastic that slips over any lonely guy’s wang, the Hand Job is truly a one-of-a-kind item. It even has a nickname: “Stroker.” How fitting. According to the copy, it “feels just like real skin,” has “Delicate fingers with hand-painted fingernails,” and has a “Ribbed, inner love tunnel.” It had you at “love tunnel,” no? [TopcoSales.us] Keep reading »
Memo to the ladies: Your boyfriend jerking off to Perfect 10 or the occasional American Apparel ad is not cheating. Masturbating to a hot message that he got from a new 17-year-old “friend” he met on Facebook is. See the difference there? We hear a lot of complaints, especially from women, about concerns regarding their partners’ insistent masturbation. “Would you consider this cheating?” some ask. While no question is a stupid question, such queries do give me pause. Catholic guilt aside, when did self-love become tantamount to infidelity? Keep reading »