The online dating scene is rough. Sure, it’s a great way to meet people, but we use the term “people” loosely, as some of the individuals we’ve come in contact with still seem to be in their primitive forms. Obviously, first impressions count … but not to these idiots.
Sender: 30, Male
Receiver: 27, Female
Tip: “You should watch me jerk off sometime,” is not the new “We should have a drink sometime.” Do not expect to use it and get the same response … asshole.
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I remember when I first came out as a masturbator. It was freshman year of college and my hallmates and I were playing Never Have I Ever. The topic of masturbation came up and I totally lied and said I didn’t do it. One of the other girls in the room looked at me and was basically like, “Girl please, yes you do. And so do I. I masturbated this morning.” And the funny thing was, I had too. I suddenly realized that I didn’t need to hide it anymore. Fast forward 15+ years and here I am, talking about touching myself on the internet. HOW FAR I HAVE COME! So yeah, everyone masturbates, women included. But here are some things men get wrong about female masturbation.
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Even the most rational men harbor irrational fantasies about what women do when they’re alone. We can blame porn for making them think we fondle each other’s boobs at slumber parties and high school urban legends for giving them the cockamamie idea that we’d let a dog eat JIF out of our vagina. Come on, now. Seriously? Guys, once and for all, we’d like to confirm that we have never and will never share our sex toys with each other, so you can just let that sweet lil’ image go. Here are some more things that we don’t do when you’re not there. We promise… Keep reading »
“I was so nervous about [filming Marnie's masturbation scene], Lena [Dunham] brought me in the dressing room and we took turns being up against the door. I would go ‘Do you think it should look like this,’ and then she’d say ‘No, no, no, no, hey, you sit down, I’m gonna try it,’ and it was like ‘Oh, that’s so interesting, because I was picturing like this.’ We were trying to decide, because Marnie was wearing tights and a dress, does she like, pull up the dress and then go down the tights? Or does she pull down the tights and then pull up the dress?”
Why am I not surprised that Lena Dunham was hands-on in helping Allison Williams with Marnie’s masturbation scene? Even though I didn’t find it super-realistic that someone would go masturbate in a bathroom in the middle of a party, good on “Girls” for showing women masturbating as a completely normal thing to do. If Allison has it her way, Marnie will be rubbing one out a lot more. ”I hope Marnie can find a way to somehow fulfill herself. I hope that she starts masturbating more, doing whatever she has to do to be her own person,” the actress told Dazed Digital. “There’s nothing quite like knowing that you can make it on your own. It’s very empowering.” Indeed! Something tells me Jessa could help Marnie shop for the perfect vibe. [Dazed Digital]
Self-love is a wonderful act, when done at the right time and in the right place. In 2013, we heard a lot about masturbation gone wrong from — Sydney Leathers‘ hardcore diddling porn to a Cosmopolitan blogger’s attempted NYC subway romp. Here’s a look back at this year in jerking, fapping, tugging, dinking … you get the point.
Meet Beth Davis of Tulsa, Oklahoma. She ran by Walmart to run and errand and stopped first in the women’s restroom. There should found a man, standing in front of the mirror partially clothed, jerking off. So Davis whipped out her cameraphone and started filming him as he tried to leave the store, while she yelled for someone to stop the man because he’d been masturbating But Walmart being Walmart, did nothing. In fact, as Davis told KJRH News, only one person — a vendor — tried to stop the man but was told by an employee not to touch him. Keep reading »
Today I stumbled upon an article about Elon University in North Carolina and how the school is offering a course that teaches students to masturbate. The class is offered on Thursdays at 11:45 a.m. Each week is geared toward a new learning technique for masturbation, helping both men and women do it just right. Read more on College Candy…
One of the hazards of apartment living are thin walls and floors that share your every “Oh, baby!” and bed creak with your neighbors. It’s part of life. You get used to it. All of us have sex (I hope) and no one’s sex should be ruined by whiny neighbors.
The polite thing to do when neighbors are having noisy sex is just ignore those amorous rumbles and smile awkwardly at each other in the hallways, pretending you don’t know they just got banged last night. Only in the most extreme of circumstances — I’m talking you’ve got the flu and a newborn baby — can you bang on the walls. Two or three good thumps should do.
But it’s a violation of alllll kinds of rules of decorum and not-being-an-asshole-hood to post a sign on your neighbor’s front door bitching about their noisy sex. And adding a dis about their stamina?! Oh no, you didn’t! Allow me to introduce you to the lady from Apartment 517 and her crappy sign-writing neighbor. Keep reading »
Have you heard of the YouTube series “Sexplanations With Dr. Doe”? I hadn’t until just now, but it looks like I’ve got a lot of videos to watch the next time I’m home sick with a cold. In a video posted this week, here is sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe showing you how a vibrator gets made. This particular vibrator is made by the company Crave and is a little on the pricy side, but it’s worth watching for explanations about why vibes do what they do and what you should look out for when purchasing one. (There’s no sexytimes in this video, but the audio and imagery are both probably NSFW!) [Sexplanations via The Gloss]
The CW could have made television masturbation history if its new pilot for 16th century-based castle drama “Reign” had aired as planned. But unfortunately, the scene was so explicit that it made the press blush. In the uncut version, handmaid Kenna diddles herself in a stairwell only to be discovered by the King of France, who offers to assist her with the task, obviously.
So as not to outrage the Parents Television Council, the network made an executive decision to edit the scene down to nothing more than innuendo — a quick cut to the King’s hand reaching for Kenna’s privates. Womp, womp, womp. Maybe someday network TV will grow a large enough pair to show a handmaiden pleasuring herself, but for now, we’ll have to rely on cable TV.
Click through for some self-pleasure scenes that we were allowed to see in their entirety. [EW]