Never before has “MasterChef” had a proper villain like Krissi Biasiello, the single mom from Philly who admits to “having some evilness goin’ on inside.” While we don’t laud her racist tweets, we do appreciate a cooking show contestant who can fry up a batch of calamari while wearing door knocker earrings and shit-talking her competition, despite her crippling fear of heights. Krissi, we pay tribute to your unkind words (spoken with the thickest Philly accent we’ve ever heard) and the Krissi-missile, your delicious scalloped potato flowers (“pommes du Krissi”).
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I know it’s been a hard year for you, since you came in second in last season on “MasterChef.” Look, the truth was, no matter how perfect your dark chocolate soufflé was (and it was pretty damn perfect … Graham Elliot looked like he was mouth-fucking it), you never stood a chance of beating Christine Ha. A blind chef who cooks like an angel? Come on. Book deal gold. And you, just a 7′ 2″ college basketball player with a passion for food. It’s a good story, but not good enough, even though your final meal was better than Christine’s.
Josh, I know it’s been hard for you to accept your loss. I thought you were going through a hard time. I’ve noticed that you’ve been sullen and withdrawn, more erratic than ever. But clearly, I didn’t realize how bad things were. It was wrong of me not to force you to get help before it was too late. Keep reading »