A new study conducted at the University of Buffalo found that the secret to a happy marriage is being slightly delusional about your partner. Researchers found that those who tend to idealize their beloved do better than pragmatists like myself when it comes to long-term happiness in marriage. “People are very good at changing their definitions to match how they want to see themselves or how they want to see others … Seeing a less-than-ideal partner as a reflection of one’s ideals predicted a certain level of immunity to the corrosive effects of time,’’ said head researcher, Sandra Murry. Aaahhh, so there is immunity to the corrosive effects of time on long-term love relationships — being out of touch with reality. You mean, I too have the power to control my romantic future with a glass-always-half-full kind of attitude and a pair of rose-colored spectacles that I leave on at all times? I am soooo screwed. [Boston.com] Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I lay in his childhood bedroom, surrounded by all of his favorite stuff from high school. We were almost 30.
“I don’t feel the same way about you as you do about me,” he said.
I rolled over and started to cry silently while staring at his trophy collection. This was our third disagreement in six months as a couple. Keep reading »
Last week, Jennifer Doll offered a familiar lament in the pages of the Village Voice: “Dear Single Women of NYC: It’s Not Them, It’s You.” Though her focus is on New York, Doll could have been describing almost any large American city in which the number of single, straight, employed, and emotionally competent men is apparently dwarfed by the number of women who want to meet them.
The “man shortage” is a perennial go-to for articles aimed at women readers; these pieces differ mainly in the degree to which they blame the crisis on women’s ambition, pickiness, or sexual aggressiveness. Keep reading »
It may be time for us to stop complaining about how men are such commit-o-phobes and women are all gunning to get hitched and make babies. A new Match.com survey of more than 5,000 people, ages 21 to 65, of all races, sexual orientations, and socio-economic levels, found that more men are looking for attachment and commitment than their gender stereotypes would lead us to believe. Men reported experiencing love at first sight and wanting kids more often than their female counterparts. So, what do the women want while the men are catching up on their rom-coms? We want our independence, dammit! Women value good jobs, separate bank accounts, and girls-only vacays more than ever before. And motherhood? About half of the women surveyed did not believe that women should be primary caregivers for kids. In short, women are becoming more like men. Gender stereotypes be damned. [Live Science] Keep reading »
“Marriage doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s more for their families than for the two partners, so I’m not gravitating towards it. I’m very loyal, I’ve never strayed, and never wanted to. I don’t need to be married, because I feel married.”
– Jon Hamm explains that he doesn’t need a piece of paper to prove his loyalty to longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt. I’m sorry, but everything that comes out of this man’s mouth makes me love him more. [Celebitchy] Keep reading »
The Frisky staff can barely find a man who wants to stick around for breakfast. But according to a Match.com study of over 5,000 singles, more younger men than ever want marriage and family; not only were men quicker to fall in love and more likely to want children. Younger men particularly were more inclined to prioritize their desire for a family life. According to biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, “Men are now expressing some traditionally female attitudes, while women are adopting some of those long attributed to men.”
Interestingly, women expressed more of a desire for independence than men did. While 77% percent of women said personal space was important, only 58% of men did. (Really? Who are these people that don’t need personal space?). Stephanie Coontz, the country’s foremost expert on marriage and family called the findings an “amazing confirmation about what has changed in the last 40 years.” [USA Today] Keep reading »