A woman wrote in to the Guardian this week seeking advice in dealing with her jackass of a husband who makes her feel “deeply inadequate as a wife” because her parents aren’t rich like his. She writes that she and her husband are both in their late 20s and come from Indian backgrounds. “It is a very Indian tradition for a woman’s parents to provide anything their sons-in-law ask for and treat them as princes. It is an old custom dating back to the days when women were not independent,” she writes, but explains: “My parents are from much humbler origins with very limited means compared to my in-laws.”
Her husband wants to begin his own business and her parents aren’t in a position to provide the capital he needs, “although they would probably mortgage their home to help him if they were asked to.” She says her husband has berated her on several occasions for her parents’ “lack of wealth, education and polish,” and though they love each other a lot, but his obscene jerkiness is putting a strain on their two-year marriage.
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It’s been a little over a month since I got engaged, and other than securing a date and spot for the wedding ceremony (late July in a small Central Park garden), I haven’t done a thing to prepare. To tell you the truth, some days I don’t bother putting on my ring, and sometimes I forget I’m even engaged until someone sends me a link to a wedding dress or an invitation design I might like. It’s not that I’m not thrilled to have found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, because I am, it’s just that I find this whole wedding planning process incredibly tedious. Obviously, a Knot Bride, I am not, but the thing is, I’m really not an Indie Bride or Offbeat Bride, either. Is there a site for the Indifferent Bride? Keep reading »
We’ve all seen the commercial that asks, “Where does depression hurt?” And anyone who’s been depressed knows that it hurts everywhere. But did you know that depression can damage the physical health of a woman more than a man? Keep reading »
I have been to many social outings lately, from the Sundance Film Festival to parties in Vegas, and I keep hearing women talking about wanting to meet their husbands. Really? Are you sure? Why not write a book or take up guitar lessons or go dance by yourself? Keep reading »
Many black women are quick to point out that there are no good single black men out here. It turns out, they might actually be right, which also may explain why more black women remain unmarried than white women. Forty-two-percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white woman, according to national statistics. That’s double, chicks! Within the last two generations, marriage rates for African-Americans have dropped significantly. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population. African-American women are also the least likely group to get married in the United States. That’s pretty sad. And if they wed an African-American man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States. So what the hell is going on?
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You might remember back in December when I was home for the holidays my mom passed down my great-grandmother’s engagement ring and I debated whether to use it for my own engagement. At the time, my boyfriend, Drew, and I were talking marriage pretty seriously and I knew I needed to make a decision about the ring soon or at least point Drew in the right direction for a different option. The family heirloom was mine to keep whatever I decided to do with it, so I brought it back to New York with me and thought about it for a few weeks. When one of my best friends — a gay guy with incredible taste — came to visit from Chicago, I showed him the ring and he all but declared I MUST use it as an engagement ring.
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Over half of the women in America are livin’ single. It’s an amazing statistic that shows just how far women have come in the past few decades. We’re not waiting around for a white wedding to jump start our lives anymore. After the jump, tell us what you aspire to in the 21st century. Keep reading »
I’m a big fan of the old “Thin Man” movies from the 30′s and ’40′s. If you haven’t seen them, they’re about Nick Charles, a wry and debonair detective who enjoys martinis, solving convoluted murder plots, and spending time with his lanky wife Nora. I can take or leave the murder mystery element of the films; what I really love are Nick and Nora as a couple. They have a certain rapport that you don’t see between a man and a woman in too many movies, past or present. Nora isn’t just standing around breathlessly, waiting to be taken care of, nor is she rolling her eyes at Nick’s antics, waiting for him to hurry up and grow up. They tease each other, are interested in each other, seem attracted to each other, and occasionally like to get soused together. Who (apart from teetotalers) wouldn’t like to have this type of relationship with his or her partner? I watched a DVD extra on “The Thin Man” after I bought the box set and a commenter put it perfectly into words: “‘The Thin Man’ made marriage look sexy.’” Keep reading »
And I’m not just declaring it so because I’m no longer getting married and am bitter in some way. No, marriage is dying because the studies say so. According to new census figures analyzed by The New York Times, married couples, whose numbers have been declining for decades, have finally slipped into the minority. So while it may seem like you can’t find any single friends to go bar crawling with, chances are a small majority of all those couples you know aren’t married and probably won’t be in the future. This makes me positively stoked — even before I was someone’s fiancee, I was never super rah-rah marriage. Maybe it’s because my parents are divorced or I was still still reeling from Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s split, but marriage never seemed like the end goal of a relationship for me. I always saw children as being the big payoff of monogamy, not a ring or a wedding. And even after I got engaged — and was truly happy about it — I believed in marrying that man, not marriage in general. So now that I’m not marrying that man (for whom, I found out, children were not the big payoff), I’m back to thinking that marriage is nice for some people, but not the end all, be all for happy coupling. Keep reading »
Last month, I showed up at a party that my hubby, Andy, and I had been invited to, and I was greeted with silence. Now, I know I’m not that unpopular, so something had to be wrong. As I shrugged off my coat and people got back to mingling, my friend approached with a vodka tonic in hand. Passing it to me and trying to sound casual, she said, “So…where’s Andy tonight?” And then, in a stage whisper, “Is anything wrong?” Keep reading »