Tag Archives: marriage

Girl Talk: I Feel Like I’m Married To My Best Friend

“I’ve been thinking…”

Oh, God. Those three words. My heart rate quickened, hoping the next set of words weren’t going to be awful.

“I want to move to live with you in D.C. I really do. It’s just … I feel like this is all happening so fast. In a few months, I could have a new job, new apartment, a new life basically, and I keep asking myself ‘Am I ready for this??’ I think I am. I’m almost completely positive that I am. But I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me AND what’s best for us, and I’m feeling a lot of pressure.”

As serious as

I’m the one who pushes the envelope a bit too far sometimes, and she’s the practical one who reins me back in. She doesn’t let me get out of hand, and I in turn force her out of her comfort zone a bit.

“What’s so funny?”

“We sound married,” I said.

She broke down in a fit of tear-inducing, breathless laughter. The truth of it was too ridiculous not to laugh about. Between gasps for air, she asked, “What’s your boyfriend going to think?!”

My best friend, K., is planning a total life-transplant to Washington, D.C. to live with me. The plan has been in the works for over six months, though we had always wanted to live together after we graduated college. She’s tired of living in the same city — and in the same house — that she’s lived in with her parents since infancy. Moving back home wasn’t exactly her first choice after graduating over a year ago, but in this economy it was practically impossible to save any money without making the move home. She’s eager to get out of the city and her parents’ home, and start a more independent life in a place with much more opportunity.

Last August, I also moved back home in order to save money. Like K., I’m ready to leave, and my parents and I have agreed on a time range for me to move out. I lived alone once and hated it, so I’m determined to have a roommate. I’d prefer not to live with a stranger, K. prefers not to live with a stranger, and K. has always planned to move to D.C., so it seems logical that we move in together. We’re looking at a deadline of anywhere between two and four months from now, which means there are a lot of details to work out in not a lot of time.

The impending move has forced us to think like an entity, like a married couple. We’re facing questions and hurdles that any committed pair would face in our situation. Where do we want to live? How much are we willing to pay? How much would we each like to save? What kind of job is K. looking for? Should she move before she finds a job to ensure she’s there before I have to sign a lease? What’s our long-term goal for the place we choose? When should she tell her current employer that she’s leaving?

Answering each question is an exercise in patience, compromise and understanding. There isn’t any, “Well, I want this so we have to do that,” or “I’m moving at this time and that’s final. Live with me if you want” … you know, the kind of passive-aggressive bitchy dialogue you might find between two female friends and future roommates. We find a way to answer each problem that faces us in a way that we can both live with and agree on, that will be mutually beneficial to each of us now and in the future. There are no ultimatums or snappy requests, because we’re committed to each other. We can’t be demanding because that’s not healthy for the relationship in the long-term.

So. Why the hell am I so committed to being with my best friend? Why is it so important that we make decisions together and sacrifice things for each other, when we aren’t a couple? We aren’t required to have a life-long dedication to each other, so why act like we do? Living with strangers isn’t that bad.

More than being best friends, K. and I are also business partners. We found out long ago, when we were roommates for three years in college, that we had strikingly similar goals for our life. Over the past two years we combined those interests and similarities and formulated a plan for an enterprise that we want to undertake one day. It has proven to be an all-consuming passion for both of us, and the fervor has only grown now that we’ve each been out in the working world for a year, at jobs that neither of us are overly thrilled to be doing. Living together isn’t a vital necessity, but it would make working toward this goal a hell of a lot easier.

I’m the one who pushes the envelope a bit too far sometimes, and she’s the practical one who reins me back in. She doesn’t let me get out of hand, and I in turn force her out of her comfort zone a bit.

The dream would flounder if one of us decided to leave or give up; we balance each other out in a way that we’re confident will prove very successful in the future.

Just like any committed couple, we’re looking at the bigger picture. Yes, asking K. to leave her job and relocate her life so that we can make more headway on our plan isn’t easy. But we made a promise to turn this goal into a reality years ago. So in sickness and in health, we’re sticking to that vow.

Rachel writes a weekly relationship column for the up-and-coming pop culture source The Morton Report. Follow her on Twitter.

Photo: Digital Vision/Thinkstock

Elisabetta Canalis Isn’t Worried About Marrying George Clooney

“In the future I will be married, but for the time being I am happy as I am. I don’t need anything to confirm how happy I am … Whenever I see my picture in a magazine, I know what is being written. They all say that I spend my time organizing parties and that my boyfriend does not want to marry me and be with me anymore. My boyfriend has not given an interview on his private life since 1999. Everything that you read is just a rehash of stuff that has been written in the past.”

Elisabetta Canalis, otherwise known as the girlfriend of George Clooney, talks to Chi magazine about how it feels to hear the press say her dude of two years is never going to marry her. She seems to have pretty good perspective on the matter. But as The NY Daily News points out, George has talked more recently about tying the knot. Earlier this year, he appeared on “Piers Morgan Tonight” and said, “I was married. So I gave it a shot. I’ve proven how good I was at it.” Yeah, that doesn’t sound too promising. Keep reading »

Marriage Pretty Much Blows, According To A New Book

In case you were considering getting hitched at some point in your life, a new book by historian, Pamela Haag, wants to remind you that the reality of marriage ain’t so pretty. Marriage Confidential, which explores modern marriage through research, surveys, and first person accounts, found that more than 30 percent of people wish they never took the plunge at all and that more than half of married folks want to have an affair. According to Haag, technology, work stress, parenthood, and the shifting roles of men and women are changing what marriage looks like for most of us and it’s not looking so hot. This is very encouraging information for the single among us. It makes me feel more motivated than ever to run out and find a mate. If “the semihappy marriage” — the most promising amongst the five kinds of modern marriages Haag profiles– is the best I have to look forward to, I think I’ll pass. Marrieds out there, please chime in. Give me hope. Are you more than semihappy? [Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »

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The Wedding Dos And Don’ts That You Can’t Get Married Without

One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding. Keep reading »

Betty White Gave Up After Two Divorces, But The Third Time Was The Charm

“I’ve had two bad marriages, and I don’t like to think of them as good mistakes. They were traumatizing to go through. You really feel like a failure when your marriage doesn’t work. But they did make me appreciate it when the perfect one came along… [Allen Ludden] was enthusiastic about everything. He was intellectually wonderful. He was silly. He was romantic. He knew how to court a lady. Eventually, he wouldn’t even say hello—he’d say, ‘Will you marry me?’ And I’d say, ‘No way!’ He was hosting the game show ‘Password’ in New York and I was living in California, and I said, ‘No way will I get married again.’ I kept saying no for a year… Even long after we were married, he’d call me up during the day and ask me out on a date. He’d barbecue a chicken. We’d have a glass of wine, put on a stack of records, and dance.”

Betty White writes in Newsweek that she felt like a “failure” after getting divorced twice and had vowed never to do it again. Apparently, with her first husband she moved to a small town in Ohio where she was responsible for killing the chickens. Her second marriage broke down because he wanted her to stop working. Betty is proof positive that you always get another chance at love. [The Daily Beast] Keep reading »

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