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Tag Archives: marriage
Over on AskMen.com there’s this article all about the importance of asking a father’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage, a tradition I guess I wrongly assumed was as relevant as outhouses and chastity belts. According to the article, “while the traditional reasons for asking are now obsolete, popping the question to [a woman’s] father is a sign of respect and should be thought out and prepared for.” The writer (a woman) gives some tips for overcoming any anxieties a guy may have for “popping the question” (ew) to his girl’s dad. Keep reading »
In a recent Savage Love column, Dan Savage made a pretty provocative assertion that “when we marry, we’re signing up to f**k someone at least semiregularly for decades. Not interested in f**king? Don’t marry.” He was responding to a letter from a woman whose husband, despite jerking off to porn three times a week, only had “quasi-forced, strictly missionary” sex with her “at most three times a year.” With an unsatisfied “sex drive of a 16-year-old boy,” she said she was at the point that she was ready to go f**k “a minor-league soccer team.” Savage’s response? She should!
I realize how lucky I am to be married to a great guy who I love. That being said, I am always worried about losing myself in his world, losing my independence, and becoming a watered down version of myself. First, we change our names, then we change our city, then we change our eating habits—you get the picture, right? So, how do I address my concerns? I constantly try keep myself in check and, so far, I believe it’s worked. Just being aware is half the battle. Here is my marry-but-don’t-morph checklist for a successful marriage: Keep reading »
During a recent business trip, I found myself shoe-horned into the back of a taxi with colleagues in various stages of inebriation, hurtling through chancy neighborhoods of Baltimore. I was on my Blackberry with my wife, going through the litany of “kids/mail/bills/when are you coming home/this single mother crap is getting old” when the cabbie abruptly stopped at our destination.
“Gotta go, hon,” I said. “We just pulled up to the strip club.” My colleagues turned their heads my way, mouths open. Keep reading »
This morning while I was getting ready for work, my heart was warmed by a story on the “Today” show. Unlike the divorce battle in Long Island, NY, over whether a woman would be allowed to keep her estranged husband’s donated kidney, organ donation brought Jim and Bernadette Tobin back together. The two married young and divorced after 27 years. When he needed a kidney transplant several years later, Bernadette stepped up and donated one of her kidneys. While they were both healing from their surgeries, Jim and Bernadette fell back in love! “She saved my life and changed my life forever, giving me the gift of life,” Jim said. The two were remarried last Sunday. [Today] Keep reading »
Since I got engaged early last month and began planning a wedding for this summer, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be hitched. As someone who already lives with her husband-to-be, I wonder just how much marriage will actually change things, whether I’ll wake up the morning after the wedding feeling any different. I’ve also been thinking a lot about what kind of wife I want to be, what it means to be a “good” wife, and how — if at all — being a “good wife” could compromise my identity or personal needs and interests.
I don’t feel a pressing desire to “prove” to myself or anyone else that I won’t change, that I won’t compromise anything, because at some point I’m sure I will. (Isn’t compromise a big part marriage, after all?) But I’m also certain that while bits of my identity are bound to shift, just as I would expect them to with any big life change and new perspective, the core of who I am will remain the same. No new name, white dress, ring on my finger or any other traditional convention is going to change that. For better or worse, I am who I am and I’m pretty solid in my identity. So when I read a column in the Guardian recently by Abigail Gliddon, a woman who claims “when a woman takes her husband’s name, she surrenders her former identity and adopts his,” I wondered how she came to have such low expectations for other women. Keep reading »
The dictionary has decided to be more inclusive than the US government. The definitive Merriam-Webster tome has redefined marriage as:
“(1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2): the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage [same-sex marriage].”
When the fiance of a woman in Florida died suddenly of cancer in January, his bride-to-be lost more than just her groom. She lost more than $800 in unreturned deposits from the venue she planned to hold her wedding reception. Blythe Carpenter was engaged to Jeffery Kallish last May and planned a big wedding bash for January 31st. Less than two months before the wedding, Kallish was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and the couple decided to cancel the wedding and maybe “do something quick later on.” Sadly, Kallish passed away in mid-January before they had a chance to marry. All the wedding vendors but one returned Carpenter’s deposits and payments in mid-December when they were notified of the cancellation. Keep reading »
Jessica Valenti, Feministing editor and Full Frontal Feminism author, is getting married! Congratulations are in order! Wait, are they? Apparently not, if you believe feminism and marriage can never, ever go hand in hand. Certainly, marriage has its traditions that are problematic from a feminist perspective, which Valenti has addressed many times on the blog — and perhaps that’s why she seemed hesitant to announce her good news. But does the personal really always have to be political? Can’t she get married without every Gloria, Betty, and Camille judging if her wedding is “feminist” enough?
“I don’t want to feel that I must blog about getting married because it relates to the work that I do. I want to be able to have things that are just for me and not be judged poorly because of that…. I realized that I don’t feel like I had to blog about getting married — I wanted to…. I’m positive you’ll be hearing more from me on the marriage front: Like how to do it while shirking patriarchal tradition? Or why I decided to participate in an institution that still (for the most part) excludes same-sex couples.”