Whether he’s the one can’t be known, argued twice-married writer, Christopher Hitchens. Hitchens passed away this week at the age of 62.
There are some lessons that can’t be transmitted down the generations, and the most conspicuous of these is the choice of your life partner.
There’s no damn heritability. In fact, this is a case where you can’t even profit by other people’s mistakes. Which of us has not seen a friend whose parents didn’t get along make the very same blunder? Which of us has not seen a person from a happy family ignore her mother’s fine example? Which of us has not known a couple, contentedly living in sin, fly apart as soon as they tie the legal knot? All I have learned, from absorbing moisture on both shoulders, is that what you find out about others is almost never what you would have expected. And as for yourself… Keep reading »
I guess I should start by saying congratulations. You’re getting married this weekend. To someone who isn’t me. Still, even I can admit you guys seem like a good match: you share a love of tattoos and heavy eyeliner. You sent out gothic style wedding invitations with your names written in a dripping blood font. I get that. It’s pretty cute.
Speaking of invitations, mine seems to have gotten lost in the mail. It’s probably for the best, because if I had been invited, at the moment the gothic priest said, “If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace,” I would have stood up and said this…
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“Don’t look at other couples and think they have it all together while you and your mate don’t. That’ll just make you feel bad about your relationship and drag you down. Those smiling people who look like they have it all do have it all — including problems. You just have no idea what they are. And don’t look at individuals you’re not with and think you could have a better relationship with them. It’s easy to fantasize that the sexy acquaintance with whom you have a buzzy rapport with would make a hot, fun, trouble-free girlfriend, but she’s just someone whose problems you don’t know yet. Love the one you’re with, and work through the problems you know.”
I am not married (obvs), but I found TIME‘s “How To Get And Stay Married,” written by journalist/novelist Toure, to be wonderfully sane and wise advice for all couples, regardless of their matrimonial status. Check out the other four tips in the piece at the link. [TIME]
Last month, my husband Jason and I had our fiercest argument ever. In our six-year history, I have accepted that occasional spats are part and parcel of every couple’s attempt to weave two independent lives into one harmonious fabric of existence. Even marital vows oblige us to respect the glaring reality of love’s peaks and troughs, as we openly recite “through good times and in bad” like an ominous premonition.
However, this bad time was as explosive as a nuclear bomb. Jason made himself scarce and I refused to speak to him for almost three days. After our respective time-outs, our cooler selves regretted hurt feelings and longed to reclaim the sense of closeness forbidden by our passive aggressiveness. After a long deep and meaningful conversation, our mess was sorted, apologies were exchanged, and our issues were put to rest. Life has marched forward since, but my spiritual side insists that there is a life lesson to be learned. Do inevitable outbreaks of oral fireworks light up the relationship landscape or inescapably end in matrimonial discord? Likewise, is there an acceptable level or frequency of conflict all relationships should abide by, or should conflict be subjected to a zero-tolerance policy?
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When I was 25 years old, I was in a band. It was a dinky little coffeeshop folk-rock band, but MAN it was fun. I had just enough skill to compose but not enough to accompany myself, so I made embarrassing recordings of half-formed songs, brought them to my bandmates, and we workshopped them together. You know how being the lead singer of a band looks really fun? Well, it IS. Seriously. Keep reading »
We all know the stereotype — men want sex and they want it now. And now. And now. Except when they … well, don’t. And when that happens, it’s confusing. And frustrating. And even hurtful. We ask ourselves: Why won’t my husband have sex with me? What’s going on with him?
Okay, ladies, it’s important to remember that just because the stereotype is that all men want to have sex all of the time doesn’t mean it’s true. Just like all blonde women aren’t stupid, not all men are sexually motivated creatures. And for your man, having a low libido may be the cause of shame, confusion, and embarrassment.
Here are the top reasons men do not want to have sex. Read more…