Tag Archives: marriage

Hitched: “Princeton Mom” Is Lying To You

Princeton Mom's Warnings
princeton
Find your husbands now, ladies, because the rest of the world is dumb. Read More »

“Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out — here’s what you really need to know that nobody is telling you.”

That’s how now-infamous “Princeton Mom” Susan Patton began her letter to “Princeton women,” advising them to lock down a Princeton man by the time they graduate, lest their lives turn, over the next three decades or so, to fetid piles of vaguely unfulfilling upper-middle-class Princeton shit.

Princeton women — and all women, and actually everybody in a place of transition, as so many college students and young people and old people and middle-aged people are — please allow me to finish her premise with the actual thing you “really need to know that nobody is telling you.”

You don’t have a “shelf life.” There’s almost nothing you can’t undo, deal with or mitigate the damage of. You do not have to set your life trajectory on ascend, now or at any other time. You are going to be fine. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: My Husband’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Was A Living Nightmare

My Weird OCD
The five weird ways my OCD manifests itself. Read More »
I Have OCD
An essay from a woman with obsessive compulsive disorder. Read More »
Girl Talk: Control Freak
How Winona learned to stop being a control freak. Read More »

My husband was always a little strange — but that’s par for the course in a marriage sometimes. Sure, he covered his face whenever he encountered the smell of bleach, and he took to maniacal cleaning rather than use poisons to eradicate a cockroach problem. He demanded we turned off the heat at night to protect his lungs. I thought all of it was cute. It took me a while to realize that his unusual quirks were actually symptoms of a terrible disorder.

I met John* on Craigslist. We were looking for a third roommate and he was one of the many people we interviewed that hot August day. He had a dark, curly mop of hair and a full face with dimples, and he seemed nice. He was from South America, and had traveled all around the world; I found him extremely compelling. We interviewed a few other people that day but felt that we connected the most strongly with John, so we asked him to be part of our household. Keep reading »

Hitched: 7 Things I Regret About Our Wedding

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek checklist from the Wedding Industrial Complex to all the brides out there who are doing weddings wrong, and who will no doubt regret their many wedding-related sins forever.

But seriously folks: I have some regrets about our wedding.

Not the but-what-does-it-all-mean kind of regrets. But the logistical, practical kind of regrets that I think I can help folks getting married avoid having in the future. Read on for proof that I am not the smartest bride who ever lived. Keep reading »

Hitched: Should Marriage Be A Renewable Contract?

I seriously never thought I’d say this: I miss being engaged.

I don’t miss wedding planning, and I don’t miss being talked to as if, as a human with a ring and a vagina, I had no interests aside from talking about the details of “my” (so rarely, “our”) big day. I sure as shit don’t miss shopping for wedding dresses. I don’t miss getting Wedding Industrial Side-Eye because Patrick and I had, like, a wedding budget.

What I miss is the day-to-day experience of preparing to love someone publicly. Keep reading »

Today In WTF: 8-Year-Old Boy Marries 61-Year-Old Woman To Make His Dead Grandfather Happy

"Princess Bride" Wedding
Hey, it's your day -- do it AS YOU WISH! Read More »
You're Not Invited
A very bad wedding trend. Read More »

Before I dive into the particulars of an 8-year-old getting wed to a 61-year-old, I ask you to consider under what circumstances a wedding of this sort might be appropriate. So far, I’ve come up with … NONE.

But according to the groom, Sanele Masilela of Tshwane, South Africa, (I can’t believe I’m using that word to describe an 8-year-old), the wedding was an order from his dead ancestors. No word on how this order was conveyed, but Masilela felt that it must be obeyed. So, he chose his bride, Helen Shabangu, an already married mother of five, 50 years his senior. Keep reading »

Is National Proposal Day The Most Unromantic Day Of The Year?

how was your proposal?
Married ladies--did he propose? How was it? Read More »
Marriage Is "Gross"
Sorry, boys, but Sarah Silverman is not interested in marriage. Read More »
Tasty Marriage Proposal
Hint: a taco was involved. Read More »
Terrible Proposals
These are proposals we would have said 'no' to. Read More »
Proposal Day

National Proposal Day — a made up holiday encouraging boyfriends and girlfriends everywhere to stop getting the milk for free and actually buy the horse or whatever. Created by somebody named John Michael O’Loughlin, “Proposal Day is not meant to be used to propose marriage to a person you don’t know very well,” he cautions. “In fact, the relationship should be so close, long-standing, and emotionally intimate that your marriage proposal will not be a total shock to the person being proposed to — it’ll feel like a natural progression of the relationship to them!”

Phewwwwwww...I’m glad we cleared that up.

Keep reading »

Morrissey Hangs With McDreamy, Berates Beyonce, Snubs Marriage

Morrissey: No Meat
No meat at the Staples Center -- or else. Read More »
Morrissey Has Opinions
And he will share them. Read More »
Morrissey on Colbert
That was uncomfortably sulky. Read More »

Oh Morrissey! He’s had such a busy weekend! On Friday, “The Boy With a Thorn In His Side” took to the stage at Los Angeles’ Staples Center and took Beyonce to task for purchasing bags made out of rhinoceros. Beyonce’s choice of bags, claimed Moz, are responsible for the extinction of the rhinoceros. Mmkay!

Another complete Morrissey mindfuck? His Friday show was introduced by Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey. Because, yes, totally — friends that coif together, stay together.

But wait! There’s more!

Keep reading »

This Is A Nightmare: Man Discovers He’s Married His Sister

Consensual Incest
Is it okay? Read More »
Dating Her Brother?
Bobbi Kristina is maybe dating her unofficial adopted brother. Read More »

Whenever you think about the travails of dating and mating, consider this guy, and be glad this hasn’t happened to you.  An anonymous man wrote into Slate’s advice column, Dear Prudence, asking what to do about a rather unbelievable series of genetic events.

Read on for the full query. Keep reading »

Hitched: Valentine’s Day, Wedding Day, What About All The Other Days?

Hell Yeah, I Love You!
Hell yeah, I love you! Getting love is easy this Valentine's Day. Read More »

You can read wedding magazines, and wedding blogs, and wedding everything, but you’ll almost never turn the page and see the marriage. Everything stops in a last, beautiful moment, blurred by sparklers or bubbles or birdseed as the (inevitably white, inevitably young, inevitably thin, inevitably straight) couple disappears into the back of a limousine, a horse-drawn carriage, or, if they’re very edgy, maybe a racy vintage sports car.

Having a wedding can be glamorous; certainly the Wedding Industrial Complex sells it that way. And being engaged is exciting. People send you pretty cards and congratulate you for being nothing more than very lucky. They ask you where they can go to buy you some presents so they can reward you for being in love. You are actively encouraged to brag about yourself. Everything builds up to the big day. Your perfect day! Your princess day!

And then … what? Keep reading »

Hitched: Beyoncé And The Luxury Of Playing “Mrs. Carter”

Like everyone else in the country with excellent taste and a belly full of adult beverages, I very much enjoyed Beyoncé’s half-time performance at the Super Bowl on Sunday. I loved her all-woman band, particularly Bibi McGill’s spark-shooting axe. I loved the Destiny’s Child reunion. I loved that my Beyoncé half-time BINGO card included a square for “killing it,” which I ticked off within seconds of the show’s start.

And yet, my reaction to her post-halftime announcement of the upcoming “Mrs. Carter Show” tour was not to cheer her on in a post-feminist choose-your-choice fist-pump, but to huff: “Call me when Jay-Z goes on a Mr. Knowles tour.”

Why does the most powerful woman pop star in the world want, or need, to remind everyone she’s married? What does a Mrs. moniker have with her ability to sing, dance and write songs? And no, the name issue isn’t what gets me. I’m not raising a figurative eyebrow at “Carter,” I’m raising a figurative eyebrow at “Mrs.” Keep reading »