Pretty much everything about Kale and I getting married was untraditional. But we were actually quite traditional by not moving in together until a few days before our wedding.
Kale and I certainly weren’t opposed to premarital cohabitation on principle: both of us had lived with exes in long-term relationships before. We simply hadn’t been together long enough to move in together: we had only been dating for four months when we got engaged and got married just five weeks after that (yeah, we moved quick). Kale ending his lease in Brooklyn to move into my apartment in Queens a few days before our wedding was pure circumstance.
By cultural standards, the “getting married” part is supposed to be the huge change that occurred in my life. One minute I was filing my taxes solo and then — ba-bam! — I’m legally joined to another person by law. And to be sure, sponsoring Kale for immigration was also a significant event. But the honest truth is that the biggest change during that time, in terms of how it affected my life and how I had to adjust and grow as a person, was acquiring not just a new husband but a new roommate. Keep reading »
“I would get married again. I like being in a relationship. I’m not one to like, whore around, and stuff like that—that’s not my thing.”
Last night on “Chelsea Lately,” thrice-married Jennifer Lopez proclaimed that despite her shaky track record with the institute of matrimony, she foresees herself walking down the aisle again someday. Because apparently the alternative to getting married for a fourth (and probably fifth and maybe sixth time, if she’s trying to keep pace with Elizabeth Taylor) is being a whore or something. Listen, J. Lo can put a ring on it 20 more times for all I care, but it’s awfully rich of her to slut shame women who don’t share her laissez faire approach to marriage and choose to get their rocks off without making (and breaking) legally-binding contracts. As someone who, I suppose, “whores around,” all I can say is that promising “til death do we part” to every
Tom, Dick and Harry Ojani, Cris and Marc I meet is just not my “thing.” [Dlisted]
My life three years ago is sometimes incomprehensible to me. Retrospectively, it’s so absurd that it’s hard to believe that the things that happened happened, or that I tolerated some of the things that happened, or that I actively participated in some of the things that happened.
Enough mystery. When Jessica’s article about the time her husband spent unemployed went live, I told her about my experiences on both sides of the unemployment-in-a-relationship fence. I spent three years with an unemployed (former) spouse, and then became unemployed myself last year, during the course of the relationship I’m in with my boyfriend now. Jessica recounted beautifully the anxiety of watching a partner she loves undergoing the stress of unemployment and job-searching. Keep reading »
According to a new report by the University of Virginia, couples who have larger, more formal weddings are more likely to have quality marriages. This is pretty hard to believe because in my mind, there are few things more stressful or challenging to a relationship than planning a big wedding. The study, which is part of UVA’s National Marriage Project, surveyed 418 people about their histories and the current quality of their marriage. Marriage quality was determined through questions about factors like happiness in the relationship, thoughts about divorce, how often the couple confides in one another. Researchers found that only 30 percent of couples who had less than 50 guests at their ceremony had a highly successful marriage. On the other hand, 47 percent of couples who had over 150 guests had highly solid marriages, which is still hardly an awesome success rate. Keep reading »
A Brazilian couple, both of whom were adopted, recently shared the surprise of a lifetime when they learned that they share the same birth mother. Cue the face grimaces and gagging. Keep reading »
Last week, the Boston Globe ever-so-helpfully advised millennials (because god knows, everyone’s got great advice for us, like “Take out private loans to fund your education” and “Stop whining and get a job”) that we’ll regret it if we don’t marry in a “timely” fashion. Cue eye roll.
Tom Keane’s article says that fewer millennials will get married before 40 than in any previous generation, and frets over the possibility that we won’t get married at all. The only really viable argument he makes pro-marriage is that it comes with legal and tax benefits. Other than that, he confuses causation and correlation, calling marriage a “shield against poverty,” as if the reason people are poor is that they’re not married, and it’s not rather that they’re not married because of the plethora of circumstances of being poor. Keep reading »