The restricted trailer for “Ted,” Seth MacFarlane’s feature film directing debut, was released recently and damn, does it look ridiculous. Mark Wahlberg plays John, a man who lives with his childhood teddy bear brought to life, Ted (voiced by MacFarlane). When John falls in love with Lori (Mila Kunis), he’s forced to grow up. That otherwise basic, wacky premise is, of course, told through MacFarlane’s brand of raunchy, offensive humor — Ted smokes from a bong, John rattles off dozens of “white trash names” like lightening, etc. Personally, I can’t wait.
When Rihanna touches herself onstage, everyone thinks it’s so sexy. But celebrity guys don’t get the same love when caught with their paws on their packages. These pics of Mark Wahlberg getting up in there surfaced today. Hey, sometimes we all need to rearrange things in the crotch area. I don’t mind watching Marky Marky touch himself, do you? Click through to spy on some more celebrity men adjusting their junk. [Buzzfeeed]
The 1996 dating-a-hot-psychopath movie “Fear” is a classic if you ask me. [One of my favorite movies of all time. -- Editor] And Marky Mark’s performance as totally crazy boyfriend David McCall is highly memorable — so much so that I made personalized “Nicole 4 Eva” Valentine’s Day cards for my friends last year featuring a shirtless, carved up Marky Mark. Also, how about that roller coaster fingerbanging scene? Teenage sex is so crazy!
Now comes word that teenage dream Justin Bieber is looking to remake The Most Perfect Marky Mark Movie of All Time. Apparently, starring in two episodes of “CSI” and his own concert movie — and having really good hair — aren’t enough for this guy. He wants to ruin “Fear.” But can he really stand up to Marky Mark when it comes to acting chops and abs? We doubt it. But, seriously, tell us: Do you really want to see Justin Bieber try and fingerbang someone? [Movieweb]
“I don’t get down with jerking off, dude. Look. I don’t believe in everything that the church says. I try to do the right thing. I lead a clean and pure life. I’m a married guy. I have a beautiful wife. Sex is not the most important thing to me, being horny all the time, spanking the — I mean, it’s not against the law. You can do whatever you want. And it’s not like, ‘I shouldn’t do it because of my faith. I’m just not really that into it that much anyway.”
In addition to assuring the masses that had he been on a hijacked 9/11 plane, “it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” Mark Wahlberg wants you to know that he’s not that into jerking off. Thanks for sharing, Mark! Now go back to shoving your foot in your mouth. Read more quotes from Mark’s Men’s Journal interview at the link. [Evil Beet Gossip]
“I am sitting at a table with a gentleman who is better looking than you and is in better shape than me. So, we’re both out of a job, dude. Taylor Lautner! We’re screwed. It’s over, dude. ‘Titanic’ and ‘Boogie Nights’ were a long time ago. I accept it. I had a good run and on to the next.”
—Mark Wahlberg jokes from the podium of the Hollywood Foreign Press luncheon in Beverly Hills about two of his tablemates, Taylor Lautner and Leonardo DiCaprio. Mark, don’t throw in the towel just yet. You and Leonardo have twice the personality and charm that Taylor does, in my humble opinion. Oh, and shouldn’t it be that he’s better looking than you and in better shape than Leo? Just sayin’. [NY Mag] Keep reading »