When it comes to highbrow fashion, even we get a bit lost when it comes to reading the obtuse critiques of fashion journalists or hearing the vague, but supposedly deep, inspirations from designers. Today, the Guardian proudly calls out the incoherent information fashion designers spit out to “explain” their collections. And quite rightly, seeing as what the Alexander Wangs and Karl Lagerfelds of the world have to say doesn’t quite match up with what you see on the runway. So we decided to take a closer look at what a handful of top designers had to say about their collections, and we’ve helpfully translated. [Guardian.co.uk]

Along with the joys of the internet and immediate information comes some sense of a loss. It’s a race to get information first; runway shows can be streamed online now; with Twitter, fashion editors are commenting on trends right from the runway; and designers are participating in documentaries to show off their processes. Does all of this access take away the mystery of fashion?

Perhaps you’ve heard the exciting rumors that the team behind the “Real Housewives” franchise has been working on a new all-gay version of the show. Well, apparently, it’s really going to happen ... and soon! Casting will start in the next couple weeks and creators hope to begin production in November. The show is tentatively titled “Kept” and will air on the MTV-owned all-gay channel, Logo. It will focus on the lives of wealthy and fabulous gay playboys in Manhattan who love to party it up at the hottest clubs and swankiest parties. If you thought rich housewives could be drama, just wait till you see men who have flatirons and know how to use them.

For the Red Cross’s 150th Anniversary, Louis Vuitton and friends are joining forces to really celebrate in style. Photog Annie Liebovitz and artist Damien Hirst have each designed Louis Vuitton pieces for the collection to be auctioned off at Sotheby’s on November 17. Even Marc Jacobs got in on the action with a travel trunk for his dogs. Not only should this make you want to fly around the world, but it makes everyone else want to see you doing it. (Hey, a girl can dream, right?) After the jump, check out these soon-to-be auctioned items.

You love the man, you love his work. But you can’t always afford the goods because The Man forces you to spend your money on more practical things like rent and food. Marc Jacobs handbags will never be recession-friendly, but Gilt Groupe is once again throwing us worker bees a break and selling a whole mess of ‘em at wholesale-ish prices. There’s the $695 Rad bag that will be on sale for $228 and the highly coveted Tess bag for $698 (down from $1750). Personally, I’ve got my eye on this Tote (above) which is $428 as opposed to $1195 and looks like it will fit a lot of my belongings, in case I really do spend my way out of my apartment. OK, let’s not even joke about stuff like that. Sale starts at noon ladies!

Unlike her mummy Courtney Love, Francis Bean Cobain is clearly no media whore. The two partied down together in lower Manhattan at the Marc Jacobs show after-party (the same one where Lady Gaga basically went on stage naked). [NYC, 9/15/09]

Apparently, Lady Gaga has evolved beyond her penchant for pantslessness. It is no longer enough! Henceforth, all public appearances will be made both pantsless and topless, as evidenced by her completely see-through getup at Marc Jacobs’ after-party last night. Blogger Amy Odell saw Gaga’s nipples with her own two eyes. [The Cut]

Chairlift is a band we love. Marc Jacobs is a designer we adore. Yet, we’re a bit puzzled by the promotional videos they worked on together for Saks Fifth Avenue. The videos feature the three members of Chairlift clad in Marc Jacobs’ fall collection, wandering around Williamsburg, Brooklyn like drugged-out hipsters. In each montage, set to Chairlift tunes, the sequences are clearly meant to look ironically low-budget with cheesy, porno-like close-ups on handbags and washed-out lighting. The effect comes off as completely bizarre. In the first, “Making an Entrance,” the gang wanders around a warehouse block doing yoga poses and attempting handstands. In “Drawing Attention,” the band heads to the roof of a building to look cool while drawing on the walls and taking pictures of each other to post on their blogs and MySpace pages. The craziest one, however, has to be “For the Love of Tacos,” above, where the Marc Jacobs-chic crowd goes to this, like, divey bodega for tacos that, of course, was totally rad before all the hipsters came and made it a party spot. Oh, the irony is killing us. Watch it and can we please discuss!?! [SaksFifthAvenue.com]

Just because Miss Piggy hasn’t been in the spotlight recently doesn’t mean she’s any less of a fashion icon. And naturally, Miss P would want you to know that. In a rare interview, she recently discussed fashion, trends and her favorite designers. Wearing a Marc Jacobs dress, she told TwinCities.com that she enjoys collaborating with designers, and understands the process: “As an artiste myself, I understand the designer’s need to let their creative spirit run free. So, I do not want to interfere with their designs until the actual fitting — at which point I tell them exactly what I want and when I want it.” She actually has a pretty good interview strategy, careful to not play favorites to any one designer (for fear of getting free stuff cut off ... we would feel the same way), and giving the interviewer crap about body issues (“If by ‘body challenge’ you are suggesting that moi’s body has imperfections, then I suggest you retract the question.”)

As for what to wear for fall, we’ll be following Miss Piggy’s advice wholeheartedly: (1) Set trends, don’t follow them; (2) Is it expensive? (3) Did you pay for it? (4) Is it clean? [TwinCities.com]

Karl Lagerfeld and Marc Jacobs are fashion gods—legends in their own time, even. But they aren’t so chic that they can’t help you run errands. These tote bags, designed by Pattern People and sold by Hint magazine, immortalize the Kaiser and the King of Grunge in black ink and natural cotton canvas. We plan to bring Karl Lagerfeld along to Trader Joe’s with us and make him do the heavy lifting, carrying our copious amounts of almonds and guac up to our fourth floor walk-up. [$45, Hint Shop]

The fight to legalize same-sex marriage just got more um, fashionable? Marc Jacobs has added his two cents to the debate with these limited-edition, illustrated tees. One features a couple and their child, all in matching LBDs, while the other features an image of the U.S. flag and dollar signs. Both boldly say, “I Pay My Taxes. I Want My Rights.” The shirts are only $24 a pop, but if you want one and don’t live in the New York City area, you’re sorta out of luck. They’re only sold at the Marc by Marc Jacobs accessories store in downtown Manhattan and only 200 of each style have been produced for purchase. Still, there’s always Ebay. [The Cut]

Another day, another risque fashion ad. Sooo, it’s not like anyone turns to Marc Jacobs for chaste imagery or anything, but folks are buzzing that his new fall ‘09 ad campaign is a touch raunchy. The pictures were snapped by Jacobs’ main man, photographer Juergen Teller, natch, and feature five It models, ranging in age from 17 to 29, in a series of bendy, twisty, and sometimes freaky, poses. Please note the image above where a model, dressed in an over-embroidered mini-dress, sits cross-legged with her crotch exposed a la Britney. For sure, it’s a little bit much, but uncomfy? Not in our opinion. The only thing that rubs us the wrong way is how similar these feel to American Apparel’s cheesy ads. More images, after the jump! [The Cut]

Too bad we’re so darn big. We hear Marc Jacobs is launching what is sure to be the most awww-worthy swimwear collection for kids ever via his line, Little Marc. The reasonably priced goods for boys and girls will feature colorful cartoon graphics like fish kissing. Luckily, we’re not too envious, considering Marc put out a line of suits just this year for the grown-up ladies that we already love. The American designer is sure on a roll, considering his last recent announcement regarding a capsule collection geared towards teens, and now his bathing suits for tots. One thing’s for sure: Now we have a cute go-to gift for all the teensy nieces and nephews in our lives.

Okay, maybe we’re just a bit resentful that we weren’t such stylish kids. [Flypaper.bluefly.com and WWD, subscription only]

Teen Vogue got the scoop on the latest from Marc Jacobs: Everybody’s favorite desginer is launching a moderately priced bridge collection in August called “Don’t Miss The Marc.” The small line includes some solid pieces like pleated denim skirts, three-button blazers, and some loud (but ‘80s-trendy) t-shirts. The rest of the goods look to be targeting a younger audience via wacky leggings and cartoon-y tees. It would seem that Marc is heading in that direction, by giving a teen publication the first look, and pricing everything under $200. Yet, is the low(er) price point enough to capture a younger audience?

Lebanese national Raffi Nernekian was arrested in Dubai for wearing a Marc Jacobs-designed T-shirt promoting skin cancer awareness with a nude photo of Victoria Beckham. Although all of Posh’s important lady parts were hidden by the “Protect the Skin You’re In” slogan, Nernekian reportedly got into an argument with a local over the shirt. After the argument he left to change his shirt, only to find the police waiting when he returned. He was jailed for a month for “offending public decency.”  Although Dubai is a tourist destination even for folks like Paris Hilton (who has recently been searching for a new BFF there), visitors are advised to review the country’s moral and social code before partying it up—or getting dressed. [NY Daily News]

Fad drugs may come and go, but drinking will always stay in style. Which is perhaps why NYC bar Local 138 asked fashion designers to concoct cocktails for its summer drink menu. Marc Jacobs created an updated mint julep which he called the Marc Mint Martini, while Ralph Lauren made a rum punch with fresh crushed raspberries and lime juice. Tory Burch’s bevvie, the Tikki Tini, is the loudest with blends of tropical fruits like mango and pineapple. If you’re in New York this summer, give them a taste at this bar in the Lower East Side, where you just might overdose on hipness if not from your drink. [NY Daily News]