On the last episode of “Tough Love Couples,” everyone had to dress up like their partner’s fantasy and a bunch of the ladies asked their men to get their chests waxed. Why, oh why?! It’s a serious crime against nature to strip a dude! Waxing it off isn’t just painful physically; it places hairlessness on a pedestal that creates an image of men just as ridiculous as those pin-thin models we ladies gripe about.
I tell you, deforestation of men has become a growing problem. With all these uber-manscaped models and Hollywood types badgering dudekind to get waxed, a man with chest hair is practically an endangered species. If “Captain Planet” were still on the air, there’d be Planeteers looking out for earth, fire, wind, water, heart, and chest hair! The Art Of Manliness gurus agree that we have to protect it. Men and women of the world, I’m going to need your help to stop this crime against mankind and hotness. Keep reading »
Asylum explores the exciting new frontier of dude overhauls in “A Day in the Life of Sexy Me — One Writer Undergoes a ‘Man Makeover’.” Before his … manakeover? … writer Alan Wieder was a hirsute, rumpled writer-type. “While I’m not unclean,” he says, “I have the overall look of an out-of-work, perhaps even indigent, humanities professor.” That is, until Asylum got a hold of him. The makeover team’s goal? Take him from Rumple-stiltskin to Authorial Hottie. What followed: a haircut, a beard trim, a brow waxing, some lip plumper, a bit of bronzer, and guyliner. The result: rocker … ish. Once back out on the streets, though, no one seemed to notice. At work, a coworker declared he looked like “a gay clown.” The ladies over at Lemondrop “pronounced the new Alan “a bit like Pete Wentz’s sad-sack uncle the family would desperately like to disown.” Ouch. So, would you rather do Alan Before or After or Never? [Asylum] Keep reading »
Single women are always being given advice (whether they want it or not) on the things they’re doing wrong, from the way we dress to how we act on dates. But strangely enough, a lot of things on the to-do list for women can potentially ruin a guys game. Here are 18 things that women do without batting an eye, but when men attempt them, eyebrows are raised. Sorry dudes, guess this would be your grooming glass ceiling.
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I don’t really have a type — men are just plain sexy, especially when they’re approaching me with a smile. A funny, confident guy trying to get on my good side drives me wild. But if I look down at his hands and they’re all Busted McDirty, that’s my manscaping dealbreaker. Nails you are too lazy to cut, with dirt caked underneath and uneven breaks, don’t even try it, pal! I’m a germaphobe and you’re not gonna get your funky fingers all over me. Is that ridiculously shallow? Maybe. But you know I’m totes nail-obsessed. I cannot handle a man who can’t handle his hands. How’s he gonna care for me if his own digits don’t mean a thing to him?
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When did guys start waxing their chests? All I have to say about that is: It’s got to stop. If we wanted you to look like us, we’d date us. We want guys to look like guys, no matter how hirsute that makes you. That’s why we love you. Because you are what we are not. True story: I think the first time I saw some guy’s chest hair waxed into a distinct shape was about seven years ago. I was on the set of an adult movie. The guy was Ron Jeremy. And his chest hair had been waxed into the shape of … a heart. It was both totally horrifying and vaguely endearing. Keep reading »
Modern men (some of ‘em) are embracing their feminine side as modern women (some of ‘em) are becoming more masculine. (Pretty soon we’ll start going to the doctor before an injury is life-threatening.) As this Yin-Yang convergence occurs, interest in his looks, clothing and grooming is surging. Nowadays nearly a one-hundredth* of the shelf space for personal care items in pharmacies is now dedicated to men. Things like shave butter, hair “product” and David Beckham have colored how [some] men now comport themselves. Keep reading »