Dear Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word,
In second grade I gained a certain amount of notoriety on the playground for memorizing the spelling of “antidisestablishmentarianism,” which was, according to my teacher, the longest word in the world. Obviously Mrs. Shumaker was sorely mistaken, because the actual longest word in the world is the chemical name of a protein that contains 189,819 letters and takes nearly three and a half hours to pronounce in its entirety.
But you, sir, weren’t fazed by this lengthy locution. In fact, you filmed a video of yourself pronouncing the whole thing. And even as the potted plant next to you wilts tragically and your 5 o’clock shadow grows into a dark beard, you maintain your sexy Russian monotone.
After you catch your breath, would you like to read me a bedtime story?