Tag Archives: long distance relationships

Dear Wendy: “My Long-Distance Boyfriend Is Moving Here — What Can I Expect?”

I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 27 and he and I were dating for about a 1 1/2 years when I decided to move across the country. It was something I’d always wanted to do before “settling down,” so he was supportive. We did the LDR thing for another 1 1/2 years, and then decided to go on a break. I know, I know, breaks are usually precursors to breakups, but I was finishing school, he was thinking of changing careers, and we both felt a lot of pressure. So we took some time to focus on ourselves. That was a year ago and we’ve kept in touch and visited each other often. Well, we finally decided that he is going to move here to be with me. I think we’ll have a great time, but I just don’t know what to expect! We’ve both been used to being on our own, and this will be such a change. I have no doubts about the guy — he’s wonderful for me — but I’m starting to get sentimental about closing this “independent chapter” of my life. As someone who’s done it, can you give me a little insight as to what to expect? What issues came up for you? How did you both keep your independence when one of you doesn’t know anyone in the city? — Ex-LDR

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Dear Wendy Updates: “On The Fence” And “China Bound” Respond

In a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from On The Fence, who said that little things about her new boyfriend, like his chin and video game habit, might be a dealbreaker. We also hear from China Bound, who had recently started dating two guys, one she liked more as a FWB, and the other whom she could imagine falling in love with. The problem was she was about to move to China and didn’t know whether to break up with both of them or choose one to keep dating, and if so, which one. After the jump, find out what she, as well as On the Fence, chose to do. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Have Inverted Nipples”

I recently began to rekindle a romance with a guy I dated for a short time and have kept in touch with on and off for a few years. When we first met, we clicked immediately. Unfortunately, he moved for work, and we haven’t lived in the same place for that last two years. Since we started talking again, things seemed to be as great as I remembered until our conversation last night. We were talking about past relationships and romantic experiences, and he mentioned that a girl he slept with once had inverted nipples and it really freaked him out. Just my luck — my nips, too, occasionally point inward (when they aren’t cold or being sexually stimulated). Guys never seemed to have a problem with them before now (because having access to boobs is pretty darn amazing), so I had stopped worrying about how they look. But the more he said he was freaked out by them, the more I started feeling like a freak. I tell myself that I can find a way to bring it up without being too awkward. I also think, however, that I can’t change his preferences. I worry that I’ll always be less desirable to him because of something as small as nipples. What should I do? — Inverted

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Not Sure If My Boyfriend Really Loves Me”

Four months ago I moved from Europe to NYC to be with my long distance boyfriend. Before then, we had been going out for about six months, sending lovey emails and Skype-ing for hours every day. About five months into the relationship I told him I loved him and he went all silent and weird and only told me that he loved me back three weeks later when I said I needed to know. Well, a few weeks after I moved he told me he “had to be honest” with me and said he didn’t think he was in love with me after all. He said he was still hurt by his ex — they were together for five years and engaged, but they broke up two years ago! So we split up for two weeks but got back together when he told me he DID love me, and that things had just been moving so fast etc. I still wasn’t sure he was in love with me and I constantly nagged him to tell me he was. He withdrew emotionally and I pulled away, which made him become very sweet and attentive again and for the past month or so has been the perfect boyfriend. My problem is: he never tells me I am the one; he rarely tells me he loves me or compliments me (outside the bedroom); and I don’t feel like he is really in love with me. I am just so incredibly worried that he’s only with me because I’m really good on paper. By now I am not even sure now if I love him. I feel amazing when I’m with him, but when I’m alone I’m just obsessed about this in-love business and I don’t trust my instincts or feelings about anything anymore. I am in a really horrible downward spiral, in a brand new city with a job I love, but very few friends and no family. I feel very lonely and like I’ve totally lost my grip on the situation. I no longer feel like the strong, independent, beautiful woman I know I once was and I am not sure if it’s something in me or something in my relationship. — Losing It

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Wants Us To Be Bi-Coastal”

I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we get along fairly well and are happy together. We live together in LA. He moved here from the east coast about four years ago for our relationship, which he reminds of every time we argue (regardless of what we’re arguing about). He’s been telling me for four years that he really wants to go back east and wants me to go with him — even just temporarily. I have very close family here and recently finished graduate school and started my career and would have to pass an exam to be able to practice my work on his coast. He, however, can work from anywhere. I’ve told him I’d go out east with him temporarily — a few months — but that I don’t want to live there permanently. He now says he wants me to commit to living the summers there … and it’s the only way he can move forward with us (I’m in no rush to move forward, but definitely want a future with him). It’s ludicrous to live on two coasts and would be a major sacrifice in terms of my career. I want him to be happy, but I just know I won’t be happy living there permanently and I don’t think living there part-time is realistic. — West Coast or Bust

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Girl Talk: Waiting For An “A-Ha Moment” In Love

The other day I got a letter from a reader who wanted to know how I knew my now-husband, Drew, was “the one,” whether I’d had an a-ha moment or something like that. She wanted to know how I knew he was “worth” picking up my life and moving to NYC for and whether I’d had some fear or hesitancy about moving. It was an interesting question to think about because on one hand, I actually don’t really believe in “a-ha” moments when it comes to relationships. I’m not even sure I necessarily believe in “the one.” I think there are potentially lots of ones, and it’s really all a matter of finding the right person at the right time. And though I obviously feel like I did find the right person at the right time, I didn’t always feel that way. And, in fact, there was an a-ha moment when things suddenly came into focus; I realized just how special what I had with Drew was and that our relationship was worth my picking up my life and moving, as scary as that was — and oh, it was scary!
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