Tag Archives: long distance relationships

Dear Wendy: “I Have Inverted Nipples”

I recently began to rekindle a romance with a guy I dated for a short time and have kept in touch with on and off for a few years. When we first met, we clicked immediately. Unfortunately, he moved for work, and we haven’t lived in the same place for that last two years. Since we started talking again, things seemed to be as great as I remembered until our conversation last night. We were talking about past relationships and romantic experiences, and he mentioned that a girl he slept with once had inverted nipples and it really freaked him out. Just my luck — my nips, too, occasionally point inward (when they aren’t cold or being sexually stimulated). Guys never seemed to have a problem with them before now (because having access to boobs is pretty darn amazing), so I had stopped worrying about how they look. But the more he said he was freaked out by them, the more I started feeling like a freak. I tell myself that I can find a way to bring it up without being too awkward. I also think, however, that I can’t change his preferences. I worry that I’ll always be less desirable to him because of something as small as nipples. What should I do? — Inverted

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Not Sure If My Boyfriend Really Loves Me”

Four months ago I moved from Europe to NYC to be with my long distance boyfriend. Before then, we had been going out for about six months, sending lovey emails and Skype-ing for hours every day. About five months into the relationship I told him I loved him and he went all silent and weird and only told me that he loved me back three weeks later when I said I needed to know. Well, a few weeks after I moved he told me he “had to be honest” with me and said he didn’t think he was in love with me after all. He said he was still hurt by his ex — they were together for five years and engaged, but they broke up two years ago! So we split up for two weeks but got back together when he told me he DID love me, and that things had just been moving so fast etc. I still wasn’t sure he was in love with me and I constantly nagged him to tell me he was. He withdrew emotionally and I pulled away, which made him become very sweet and attentive again and for the past month or so has been the perfect boyfriend. My problem is: he never tells me I am the one; he rarely tells me he loves me or compliments me (outside the bedroom); and I don’t feel like he is really in love with me. I am just so incredibly worried that he’s only with me because I’m really good on paper. By now I am not even sure now if I love him. I feel amazing when I’m with him, but when I’m alone I’m just obsessed about this in-love business and I don’t trust my instincts or feelings about anything anymore. I am in a really horrible downward spiral, in a brand new city with a job I love, but very few friends and no family. I feel very lonely and like I’ve totally lost my grip on the situation. I no longer feel like the strong, independent, beautiful woman I know I once was and I am not sure if it’s something in me or something in my relationship. — Losing It

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Wants Us To Be Bi-Coastal”

I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we get along fairly well and are happy together. We live together in LA. He moved here from the east coast about four years ago for our relationship, which he reminds of every time we argue (regardless of what we’re arguing about). He’s been telling me for four years that he really wants to go back east and wants me to go with him — even just temporarily. I have very close family here and recently finished graduate school and started my career and would have to pass an exam to be able to practice my work on his coast. He, however, can work from anywhere. I’ve told him I’d go out east with him temporarily — a few months — but that I don’t want to live there permanently. He now says he wants me to commit to living the summers there … and it’s the only way he can move forward with us (I’m in no rush to move forward, but definitely want a future with him). It’s ludicrous to live on two coasts and would be a major sacrifice in terms of my career. I want him to be happy, but I just know I won’t be happy living there permanently and I don’t think living there part-time is realistic. — West Coast or Bust

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Girl Talk: Waiting For An “A-Ha Moment” In Love

The other day I got a letter from a reader who wanted to know how I knew my now-husband, Drew, was “the one,” whether I’d had an a-ha moment or something like that. She wanted to know how I knew he was “worth” picking up my life and moving to NYC for and whether I’d had some fear or hesitancy about moving. It was an interesting question to think about because on one hand, I actually don’t really believe in “a-ha” moments when it comes to relationships. I’m not even sure I necessarily believe in “the one.” I think there are potentially lots of ones, and it’s really all a matter of finding the right person at the right time. And though I obviously feel like I did find the right person at the right time, I didn’t always feel that way. And, in fact, there was an a-ha moment when things suddenly came into focus; I realized just how special what I had with Drew was and that our relationship was worth my picking up my life and moving, as scary as that was — and oh, it was scary!
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Dear Wendy: “Should I Move For My Boyfriend?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now. We are both 25 and have lots of love and respect for one another. I am currently working in L.A. at a job I really like. He’s graduating soon with his Ph.D. in Economics and is deciding to go back to school again for a second Ph.D. at Columbia where he just got accepted. Although I think it’s great that my boyfriend is so academic and ambitious, I am struggling with the idea that he is moving 3000 miles away! He says that when he goes, he would like me to quit my job, get married and move there with him. My issue is that I’m afraid if I do move to New York with him, I’ll regret quitting my job if it doesn’t work out but I’m also afraid that if I don’t go with him, I might miss out on a future with him. I’m not too fond of long distance relationships so this is really putting a strain on me because either way I feel as though I have to give something up in order for this relationship to continue. We have discussed options of him finding a job and staying in California, but since the job market has been extremely tough this year he believes that going back to school will put him ahead of the pack once the economy picks back up. What should I do? Any advice would help! — Torn

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Stay With My Boyfriend Or Move Back Home?”

I moved out east for grad school, and I happened upon a great guy — he saw me through the rough transition of living here, helped while I was a foster parent for a year, and is overall the best guy I’ve ever dated. Here’s the issue: he’ll be moving to a nearby city for a new job soon, and I’ll be graduating in a few months and I don’t know whether to move with him or head back out west. Here, I have him, but a place I do NOT like. Also, we’re both on the shy side, so building a social network will take some time. Out west, I have friends, family, much better career options, and cities that I LOVE. I may never meet another guy like him, and I love him so much. But I also can see myself angrily saying that “I gave up everything for you,” and that would eat away at our relationship. He feels much the same about staying here as I do about returning home. This is the most mature, loving relationship I’ve ever had the privilege to be in; I want to maintain it. But I think staying here might destroy it. — Homeward Bound

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Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Managing A Long-Distance Relationship

Our buddies over at YourTango have just about every single base covered when it comes to managing long-distance relationships. Surely, LDR’s aren’t easy. You can’t see each other for long periods of time, you hope the heart grows fonder in the absence of the other, and let’s not even get started on the money you spend on flights to see your one true love. Thankfully, YourTango has help! Whether your jobs put you at opposite ends of the country, your significant other has been deployed to the other side of the world, or you want to find out how to deal with being in an open long-distance relationship, there’s an expert on every issue you can imagine. To peruse their survival strategies, check out the laws of long-distance relationships. Keep reading »

Should I Move 3,000 Miles To Be With Him?

Long-distance love isn’t easy, especially when he wants you to move. We called in expert help … Keep reading »

We Hope This Couple Gets To Reunite Soon

In Palestine, Basheer Mohammed Nasir wants to marry Amani Kamal Qassab. The couple has known each other for over two years, but they’ve been separated most of that time and it’s not your traditional long-distance thing. She’s in Gaza and he’s in the West Bank. They are divided by a broad swath of Israel, and deterred from reuniting by a deluge of unfinished permit paper work, most of which is out of their hands. In an NPR article, Basheer describes traveling to Gaza in 2006 for the Palestinian elections, where he met Amani and fell in love over a three month courtship. When Basheer returned to the West Bank, he built a home for Amani to come to. Instead, in 2007, the Palestinian political and religious group, Hamas, seized power from the more secular Palestinian group Fatah. Suddenly, permission for Amani to travel became virtually impossible to obtain. Amani says they’re on the phone together all day while they wait to be together, but she laments the “virtual marriage” which has suspended her in a limbo without the house, husband and children she’d planned for. The concepts of Hamas, Fatah and Palestinian geography have always been elusive to me, so this is an excellent but sad lesson to further my understanding. Keep reading »

How Smart Is It To Get Into A Long Distance Relationship?

Doing An LDR?
Here are 7 tips you need to read! Read More »
Got A BF Out Of Town?
Here is some advice to follow when visiting your man. Read More »
Managing An LDR
How to deal with a long-distance relationship. Read More »

The discussion of the trials and tribulations of long distance relationships is not a new one. Some swear a couple can survive the distance while others refuse to entertain the possibility that two people can stay connected when there is significant mileage between them. I used to be a bit of a compulsive long distance dater. My first two serious relationships were with British boys, which would soon later develop into a habit of only getting involved with foreign guys. Until recently I never questioned if getting involved in a relationship which is destined to be mostly long distance was a good idea. In my mind, if I was in love it would be sheer madness not to stay together. If true love can overcome death in “The Princess Bride” than of course it can overcome a minor issue such as distance. A few years and broken hearts later, I am not so sure. Keep reading »

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