Tag Archives: long distance relationships

Girl Talk: My Boyfriend Moved To Hong Kong

It was over a year ago, last January, when my boyfriend of almost four years said, “So I have something to tell you” over a Friday night dinner in Chinatown. My appetite instantly evaporated and my stomach suddenly ached with anticipation over what would follow those words. Immediately I thought, This is the break-up dinner, and my mind whirled into a frenzy of what could be wrong when I thought we were so happy. We caught a cab and went back to his Brooklyn apartment, quickly saying hi to his roommates and disappearing into his room to talk.

Sitting on his bed, I prepared myself for the worst. Did he cheat on me? Did he lose his job? Just looking at him, I couldn’t tell. He wasn’t mad, but he wasn’t happy either. He’s usually calm, but at that moment he was nervous.

“So, I’m moving to Hong Kong for work,” was the next thing I heard. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Husband Calls Another Woman Constantly”

Last month my husband received a friend request on Facebook from a childhood friend he hasn’t seen or spoken to in 10 years. She wrote him a couple of messages and they texted over the holidays. I figured this was a case of old friends catching up and didn’t think much of it. Last week, he unlocked his iPhone to show me a picture and his call log was open. I saw that there were about eight calls to and from his friend in a span of three days. He doesn’t even call me that much! My phone bill came this week and there were over 100 texts to and from this “friend” in a matter of three days. I asked about the messages and he admitted that he deleted them because I would have gotten angry. I have explained to him that I think it’s disrespectful for a random woman to be repeatedly calling my husband (they were friends TEN years ago!) and I think he is disrespecting me by having so much contact with her behind my back. He says that I am crazy, jealous and overreacting. He has been very opposed to my having close male friends, so I think he is being a hypocrite. I had no reason to not trust him until he started hiding things from me. Do you think I’m really being overly jealous or is he just trying to make me feel guilty because he knows he’s wrong? — The “Crazy” Wife

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Stressed About New Year’s Eve”

I’m in school in the UK and my wonderful boyfriend is in school in Michigan. I’m coming to stay with him for a couple weeks over New Year’s (one week in the middle, when he’s in classes, I’ll go to see my parents in NC), but there’s a problem: he wants to go to NYC for NYE where all his friends from undergrad will be and he wants me to pay for our flights and he’ll pay me back for both when he gets money he’s owed in January. I worry that if I pay for the tickets now, it will put me in a very tight money situation for the next few weeks until he pays me, and who knows if he’ll even be able to pay me promptly?! I get very nervous with money and budgeting, and he is very lax about “I owe you” and I worry it may be months or more before I’m paid back. I know when our relationship gets more serious we will have to talk about finances and how we handle money together, but this is hitting me in the face, and I feel unprepared. We were planning to go to Chicago for New Year’s — just the two of us — which would be a lot cheaper than going to NYC ($450 cheaper!), but he’d be upset about not being with his friends. At the end of the day, I’m sure I’ll be just really happy to be with him wherever we are, as I haven’t seen him in three months, but here I am fretting about money and I can’t help myself. What do you think I should do? — Pay it Forward?

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Dear Wendy: “Should I MOA?”

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, the last three months of which have been long distance as I had to move for grad school. We only live three hours apart, so we still get to see each other a couple times a month. For most of the last three months, we have been fine — I felt happy, secure, and more fulfilled in a relationship then I ever had been before. However, for the last two or three weeks I just plain feel like I don’t have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to spend time together recently. Our conversations have not been particularly interesting and I feel like he isn’t putting in a lot of effort. He hardly ever compliments me or returns it when I compliment him, his idea of sympathy is saying “that’s too bad,” and he’s even reticent to return my dirty texts. I feel bad, because he’s not particularly verbally expressive and I feel like I’m being too needy, but I don’t feel content, fulfilled, or even particularly happy right now. I’ve stopped trying because I’m tired of nagging him to be more affectionate and to take initiative. I feel like it would be better if we were actually in the same area code, but moving is not financially possible for him, and there are no graduate programs close to him that I could transfer to. Is there anything I can do or should I just MOA? — Up against a wall

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Pursue A Long-Distance Relationship Or Move On Already?”

I have been talking to this guy for a few months now. We were good friends in college and reconnected via Facebook and upgraded our flirtatious banter to texting and phone calls. He lives about four hours away from me (I realize this is not really that long distance considering you moved across the country for a guy). We have each visited each other once in the last two months. Both of us have spoken candidly about wanting to date but it’s always under the pretext of “if you lived here.” He’s asked me to move in with him numerous times, and while I know I wouldn’t do that on a whim, I would be willing to do long-distance for a little while to see how compatible we are and then in, like, a year revisit the idea of moving. Should I give up and move on? Or should I try to talk to him about it? I can’t imagine losing anything by telling him how I feel, even if he says absolutely no to long-distance, then I’ll know for sure that we should stop talking, right? – Feeling Lost

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Afraid To Tell My New Boyfriend I Practice Abstinence”

I’ve been seeing this guy for a bit now. The only thing we’ve done is kissing (no touching) and I’ve never invited him over to my apartment (for fear of him initiating sexual activities). I like him a lot and I see a potential relationship with him. However, I made a decision to abstain from sexual relationships due to my religion, but also I just don’t think I’m ready to be sexually intimate. I’m not sure if I I’d like to remain abstinent until marriage yet, but I definitely couldn’t be intimate with someone after only a couple of months. I’m afraid that when we finally discuss this he will leave, but at the same time I think there is a need to address it. I’m just not sure how to bring it up or when it would be appropriate. I’m 20 years old and he is 26. I was brought up in a very conservative country and he is more liberal. He recently moved to NYC (four hours away) for a job offer, but he comes back every weekend or so since he still has an apartment here. He has asked me to go visit him next weekend, but I’m afraid about sleeping arrangements so I haven’t said yes. — Not Willing to Give It Up

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Dear Wendy Updates: Long-Distance Lovesick Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Long-Distance Lovesick, the young woman who was in a long-distance relationship with a guy in Germany whom she’d started out as pen pals with and had met only once when he came to see her over the summer. She was planning to move to Germany to be with him, but was concerned that by giving up her friends and social life to work two jobs to afford the move, she was the only person sacrificing for the relationship. She also mentioned that the only interaction they have is one hour a week on Skype and that he had only recently told his family about her. We all had some big words of warning for her. Did she take heed or is she still planning to move? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Am I Sacrificing Too Much For My Boyfriend?”

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months. He lives in Germany and I live in America. We started out as pen pals over a year ago, then instantly found chemistry and fell in love. He recently came to visit me in July and our connection only grew stronger. We talk comfortably about marriage and kids and even that we’d like to build our own house. I’m making many sacrifices for our relationship, including quitting school and working two jobs to make enough money to move and then giving up my family and relocating myself to Germany to be with him. I’ve given up my friends and spending time with anyone so I can work hard toward what we both decided on. He goes to school full time and the only time we get to spend together is over Skype for maybe an hour per week. However, he goes out with his friends once or twice every week and stays out all night. He didn’t tell his parents about me being his girlfriend until August and his ex-girlfriend comes over to spend time with his mom frequently. I really feel like I’m the only one sacrificing everything for our relationship. I know he’s the one, but I don’t know how to tell him how I feel about this situation. Please help! — Long-Distance Lovesick

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Dear Wendy: “My Long-Distance Boyfriend Is Moving Here — What Can I Expect?”

I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 27 and he and I were dating for about a 1 1/2 years when I decided to move across the country. It was something I’d always wanted to do before “settling down,” so he was supportive. We did the LDR thing for another 1 1/2 years, and then decided to go on a break. I know, I know, breaks are usually precursors to breakups, but I was finishing school, he was thinking of changing careers, and we both felt a lot of pressure. So we took some time to focus on ourselves. That was a year ago and we’ve kept in touch and visited each other often. Well, we finally decided that he is going to move here to be with me. I think we’ll have a great time, but I just don’t know what to expect! We’ve both been used to being on our own, and this will be such a change. I have no doubts about the guy — he’s wonderful for me — but I’m starting to get sentimental about closing this “independent chapter” of my life. As someone who’s done it, can you give me a little insight as to what to expect? What issues came up for you? How did you both keep your independence when one of you doesn’t know anyone in the city? — Ex-LDR

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Dear Wendy Updates: “On The Fence” And “China Bound” Respond

In a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from On The Fence, who said that little things about her new boyfriend, like his chin and video game habit, might be a dealbreaker. We also hear from China Bound, who had recently started dating two guys, one she liked more as a FWB, and the other whom she could imagine falling in love with. The problem was she was about to move to China and didn’t know whether to break up with both of them or choose one to keep dating, and if so, which one. After the jump, find out what she, as well as On the Fence, chose to do. Keep reading »

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