Tag Archives: long distance relationships

Dear Wendy: “Should I Pursue A Long-Distance Relationship Or Move On Already?”

Wendy AtterberryNovember 26, 2010 //

I have been talking to this guy for a few months now. We were good friends in college and reconnected via Facebook and upgraded our flirtatious banter to texting and phone calls. He lives about four hours away from me (I realize this is not really that long distance considering you moved across the country for a guy). We have each visited each other once in the last two months. Both of us have spoken candidly about wanting to date but it’s always under the pretext of “if you lived here.” He’s asked me to move in with him numerous times, and while I know I wouldn’t do that on a whim, I would be willing to do long-distance for a little while to see how compatible we are and then in, like, a year revisit the idea of moving. Should I give up and move on? Or should I try to talk to him about it? I can’t imagine losing anything by telling him how I feel, even if he says absolutely no to long-distance, then I’ll know for sure that we should stop talking, right? – Feeling Lost

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Afraid To Tell My New Boyfriend I Practice Abstinence”

Wendy AtterberryNovember 25, 2010 //

I’ve been seeing this guy for a bit now. The only thing we’ve done is kissing (no touching) and I’ve never invited him over to my apartment (for fear of him initiating sexual activities). I like him a lot and I see a potential relationship with him. However, I made a decision to abstain from sexual relationships due to my religion, but also I just don’t think I’m ready to be sexually intimate. I’m not sure if I I’d like to remain abstinent until marriage yet, but I definitely couldn’t be intimate with someone after only a couple of months. I’m afraid that when we finally discuss this he will leave, but at the same time I think there is a need to address it. I’m just not sure how to bring it up or when it would be appropriate. I’m 20 years old and he is 26. I was brought up in a very conservative country and he is more liberal. He recently moved to NYC (four hours away) for a job offer, but he comes back every weekend or so since he still has an apartment here. He has asked me to go visit him next weekend, but I’m afraid about sleeping arrangements so I haven’t said yes. — Not Willing to Give It Up

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Dear Wendy Updates: Long-Distance Lovesick Responds

Wendy AtterberryOctober 18, 2010 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Long-Distance Lovesick, the young woman who was in a long-distance relationship with a guy in Germany whom she’d started out as pen pals with and had met only once when he came to see her over the summer. She was planning to move to Germany to be with him, but was concerned that by giving up her friends and social life to work two jobs to afford the move, she was the only person sacrificing for the relationship. She also mentioned that the only interaction they have is one hour a week on Skype and that he had only recently told his family about her. We all had some big words of warning for her. Did she take heed or is she still planning to move? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Am I Sacrificing Too Much For My Boyfriend?”

Wendy AtterberrySeptember 27, 2010 //

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months. He lives in Germany and I live in America. We started out as pen pals over a year ago, then instantly found chemistry and fell in love. He recently came to visit me in July and our connection only grew stronger. We talk comfortably about marriage and kids and even that we’d like to build our own house. I’m making many sacrifices for our relationship, including quitting school and working two jobs to make enough money to move and then giving up my family and relocating myself to Germany to be with him. I’ve given up my friends and spending time with anyone so I can work hard toward what we both decided on. He goes to school full time and the only time we get to spend together is over Skype for maybe an hour per week. However, he goes out with his friends once or twice every week and stays out all night. He didn’t tell his parents about me being his girlfriend until August and his ex-girlfriend comes over to spend time with his mom frequently. I really feel like I’m the only one sacrificing everything for our relationship. I know he’s the one, but I don’t know how to tell him how I feel about this situation. Please help! — Long-Distance Lovesick

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Dear Wendy: “My Long-Distance Boyfriend Is Moving Here — What Can I Expect?”

Wendy AtterberryJuly 14, 2010 //

I’m 28 and my boyfriend is 27 and he and I were dating for about a 1 1/2 years when I decided to move across the country. It was something I’d always wanted to do before “settling down,” so he was supportive. We did the LDR thing for another 1 1/2 years, and then decided to go on a break. I know, I know, breaks are usually precursors to breakups, but I was finishing school, he was thinking of changing careers, and we both felt a lot of pressure. So we took some time to focus on ourselves. That was a year ago and we’ve kept in touch and visited each other often. Well, we finally decided that he is going to move here to be with me. I think we’ll have a great time, but I just don’t know what to expect! We’ve both been used to being on our own, and this will be such a change. I have no doubts about the guy — he’s wonderful for me — but I’m starting to get sentimental about closing this “independent chapter” of my life. As someone who’s done it, can you give me a little insight as to what to expect? What issues came up for you? How did you both keep your independence when one of you doesn’t know anyone in the city? — Ex-LDR

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Dear Wendy Updates: “On The Fence” And “China Bound” Respond

Wendy AtterberryJuly 12, 2010 //

In a new feature called “Dear Wendy Updates,” people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from On The Fence, who said that little things about her new boyfriend, like his chin and video game habit, might be a dealbreaker. We also hear from China Bound, who had recently started dating two guys, one she liked more as a FWB, and the other whom she could imagine falling in love with. The problem was she was about to move to China and didn’t know whether to break up with both of them or choose one to keep dating, and if so, which one. After the jump, find out what she, as well as On the Fence, chose to do. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Have Inverted Nipples”

Wendy AtterberryJune 21, 2010 //

I recently began to rekindle a romance with a guy I dated for a short time and have kept in touch with on and off for a few years. When we first met, we clicked immediately. Unfortunately, he moved for work, and we haven’t lived in the same place for that last two years. Since we started talking again, things seemed to be as great as I remembered until our conversation last night. We were talking about past relationships and romantic experiences, and he mentioned that a girl he slept with once had inverted nipples and it really freaked him out. Just my luck — my nips, too, occasionally point inward (when they aren’t cold or being sexually stimulated). Guys never seemed to have a problem with them before now (because having access to boobs is pretty darn amazing), so I had stopped worrying about how they look. But the more he said he was freaked out by them, the more I started feeling like a freak. I tell myself that I can find a way to bring it up without being too awkward. I also think, however, that I can’t change his preferences. I worry that I’ll always be less desirable to him because of something as small as nipples. What should I do? — Inverted

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Not Sure If My Boyfriend Really Loves Me”

Wendy AtterberryJune 15, 2010 //

Four months ago I moved from Europe to NYC to be with my long distance boyfriend. Before then, we had been going out for about six months, sending lovey emails and Skype-ing for hours every day. About five months into the relationship I told him I loved him and he went all silent and weird and only told me that he loved me back three weeks later when I said I needed to know. Well, a few weeks after I moved he told me he “had to be honest” with me and said he didn’t think he was in love with me after all. He said he was still hurt by his ex — they were together for five years and engaged, but they broke up two years ago! So we split up for two weeks but got back together when he told me he DID love me, and that things had just been moving so fast etc. I still wasn’t sure he was in love with me and I constantly nagged him to tell me he was. He withdrew emotionally and I pulled away, which made him become very sweet and attentive again and for the past month or so has been the perfect boyfriend. My problem is: he never tells me I am the one; he rarely tells me he loves me or compliments me (outside the bedroom); and I don’t feel like he is really in love with me. I am just so incredibly worried that he’s only with me because I’m really good on paper. By now I am not even sure now if I love him. I feel amazing when I’m with him, but when I’m alone I’m just obsessed about this in-love business and I don’t trust my instincts or feelings about anything anymore. I am in a really horrible downward spiral, in a brand new city with a job I love, but very few friends and no family. I feel very lonely and like I’ve totally lost my grip on the situation. I no longer feel like the strong, independent, beautiful woman I know I once was and I am not sure if it’s something in me or something in my relationship. — Losing It

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Wants Us To Be Bi-Coastal”

Wendy AtterberryJune 14, 2010 //

I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we get along fairly well and are happy together. We live together in LA. He moved here from the east coast about four years ago for our relationship, which he reminds of every time we argue (regardless of what we’re arguing about). He’s been telling me for four years that he really wants to go back east and wants me to go with him — even just temporarily. I have very close family here and recently finished graduate school and started my career and would have to pass an exam to be able to practice my work on his coast. He, however, can work from anywhere. I’ve told him I’d go out east with him temporarily — a few months — but that I don’t want to live there permanently. He now says he wants me to commit to living the summers there … and it’s the only way he can move forward with us (I’m in no rush to move forward, but definitely want a future with him). It’s ludicrous to live on two coasts and would be a major sacrifice in terms of my career. I want him to be happy, but I just know I won’t be happy living there permanently and I don’t think living there part-time is realistic. — West Coast or Bust

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Girl Talk: Waiting For An “A-Ha Moment” In Love

Wendy AtterberryJune 3, 2010 //

The other day I got a letter from a reader who wanted to know how I knew my now-husband, Drew, was “the one,” whether I’d had an a-ha moment or something like that. She wanted to know how I knew he was “worth” picking up my life and moving to NYC for and whether I’d had some fear or hesitancy about moving. It was an interesting question to think about because on one hand, I actually don’t really believe in “a-ha” moments when it comes to relationships. I’m not even sure I necessarily believe in “the one.” I think there are potentially lots of ones, and it’s really all a matter of finding the right person at the right time. And though I obviously feel like I did find the right person at the right time, I didn’t always feel that way. And, in fact, there was an a-ha moment when things suddenly came into focus; I realized just how special what I had with Drew was and that our relationship was worth my picking up my life and moving, as scary as that was — and oh, it was scary!
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