Long-distance love isn’t easy, especially when he wants you to move. We called in expert help ...

In Palestine, Basheer Mohammed Nasir wants to marry Amani Kamal Qassab. The couple has known each other for over two years, but they’ve been separated most of that time and it’s not your traditional long-distance thing. She’s in Gaza and he’s in the West Bank. They are divided by a broad swath of Israel, and deterred from reuniting by a deluge of unfinished permit paper work, most of which is out of their hands. In an NPR article, Basheer describes traveling to Gaza in 2006 for the Palestinian elections, where he met Amani and fell in love over a three month courtship. When Basheer returned to the West Bank, he built a home for Amani to come to. Instead, in 2007, the Palestinian political and religious group, Hamas, seized power from the more secular Palestinian group Fatah. Suddenly, permission for Amani to travel became virtually impossible to obtain. Amani says they’re on the phone together all day while they wait to be together, but she laments the “virtual marriage” which has suspended her in a limbo without the house, husband and children she’d planned for. The concepts of Hamas, Fatah and Palestinian geography have always been elusive to me, so this is an excellent but sad lesson to further my understanding.

The discussion of the trials and tribulations of long distance relationships is not a new one. Some swear a couple can survive the distance while others refuse to entertain the possibility that two people can stay connected when there is significant mileage between them. I used to be a bit of a compulsive long distance dater. My first two serious relationships were with British boys, which would soon later develop into a habit of only getting involved with foreign guys. Until recently I never questioned if getting involved in a relationship which is destined to be mostly long distance was a good idea. In my mind, if I was in love it would be sheer madness not to stay together. If true love can overcome death in “The Princess Bride” than of course it can overcome a minor issue such as distance. A few years and broken hearts later, I am not so sure.

“I took a job in another city, which will cause me to be away from my husband for long periods of time. What can we do to make our long-distance relationship work?” Phoebe, New York

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When most girls (or guys) hear the phrase “long distance relationship,” the words that come to mind are: miserable, horrific, sad, heartbreaking, not worth it—did I mention miserable? Permanent long distance relationships can be difficult and painful, but I can tell you from experience, a little separation isn’t always a bad thing. As long as you and your guy can get together every few weeks, long distance can absolutely rock. After the jump—20 reasons why it does.

If reaching out and beaming someone isn’t exactly up your alley, there’s another new invention that may help keep your long distance relationship intimate. The KissPhone, created by French freelance inventor Georges Koussouros, is designed with a “huge pair of lips that is able to measure the pressure, percussion speed, temperature, and sucking force of your mouth, sending those parameters to the remote user’s KissPhone.” So, basically, if you and your partner both have a KissPhone, you can kiss the “huge lips,” and your partner will experience the sensation of being kissed on the other end of the call. The concept seems interesting, but if you thought drunk calling and texting was bad, just imagine how embarrassed you’d be if you drunk “kissed” the wrong person. On the other hand, at least you won’t get mono. [via ubergizmo]

Right now, I’m in the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in; as in, even though I live in New York and he lives in San Francisco, we’ve talked about where and when we could live together—and how soon. He’s met my uncle; I’ve gone to his family’s cabin, and I’m joining them for Thanksgiving. His mom sends me emails, and my grandmother sends me clippings urging him to stop smoking. We talk almost every night and end most calls with “I love you.”

Before I left Chicago last fall and moved in with my long-distance boyfriend in New York, I thought a lot about all the benefits such a lifestyle change could create. I fantasized about Sunday mornings with my boyfriend when neither of us would have to worry about rushing off to catch a flight. I thought about mundane weekday evenings, too, making dinner and hanging out after work, something we’d never experienced together before. And I thought about the career opportunities, culture, and new friendships, not to mention fabulous shopping that awaited me in the world’s finest city. What I didn’t think about, however, was the benefit my move would have on the environment, something a recent article on Slate suggests all LDR couples should consider.

Until a few years ago, I never would have considered a long distance relationship a realistic option for myself. I once dated a guy who lived on the other side of the city and that relationship was challenging enough, though to be fair, our problems probably had more to do with him being a douche bag than the 30-minute drive between our apartments, but still. Long distance relationships were what other people did — people who spent all their money on gas and plane tickets and their weeknights scouring the internet for travel deals and want ads in their significant other’s city. They weren’t for people like me, who’d rather spend money on shoes, and evenings cooking dinner with a boyfriend I could see as often as I wanted.

It was early spring, late afternoon, a couple of years ago and I was having beers and burgers with some girlfriends. It was warm enough that we sat on the patio outside where we ate and drank and talked about boys.

I was the youngest in the group — still a few months shy of my 30th birthday and conversation soon turned to the challenge of finding a good man before we all died alone with a bunch of cats in the living room and stale cereal in the cabinet.

“I don’t understand why it’s so hard,” I said, “I just want someone who’s funny and charming and kind and gracious and creative and ambitious and smart. Curly hair, glasses and dimples don’t hurt either,” I added.

My friend Meg immediately said she knew the perfect guy for me — that he was everything on my list.

Are you starting to wonder if whoever coined the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was ever involved in a long-distance relationship? The truth is, when many miles separate you and your honey, keeping your connection strong is tough regardless of your fondness for each other.  By establishing a few ground rules and engaging in creative methods of communication, however, you can make a long-distance relationship thrive, says DeAnna Lorraine, a San Diego-based dating coach. Before you give up on fanning the flames of your long-distance romance, consider employing these strategies to keep your long-distance love hot.

Fuel prices are affecting bank accounts, that’s for sure, but did you know high prices might be influencing relationships, as well? An article in The Washington Post discusses the effects of increased plane ticket prices on long-distance relationships. It seems that as a result of the current state of the economy, many going the distance are either seeing each other less often or reducing their spending on other extras. I never quite understood how people in LDRs did it in the first place—they seem so taxing.

Greg Guldner, the director of the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships says it’s too soon to tell whether the economic downturn will truly affect LDRs, but high prices do seem to make couples more stressed. However, his research shows that people doing the long-distance thing don’t need to see each other a certain amount of times—like every month—to make their relationship work. “People who buy into those myths who now can’t afford to [travel] are now facing quite the dilemma,” Guildner said. “Because if they believe that the relationship won’t work if they don’t see each other once a month, they may be making decisions about either ending the relationship or ending whatever it is that’s keeping them apart.” [Washington Post via Tango]

I met Duke* in Paris. He was actually British, visiting from London, and I was there from New York, sent by the magazine I worked for to cover the fashion shows. My boyfriend back in New York had just broken up with me for the bajillionth time, and I was devastated (as usual). When I met Duke, a blue-eyed scruffster with a gorgeous accent and a mischievous grin, the chemistry was immediate, and somehow I knew that he might provide just the rebound romp to lift me out of Dumpsville.