Tag Archives: living together

Make It Stop: “My Sister’s Boyfriend Moved In With Us And It’s Ruining Our Relationship”

Make It Stop: "My Sister's Boyfriend Moved In With Us And It's Ruining Our Relationship"
I read Jessica Wakeman’s piece, “True Story: Married…With A Roommate,” and I totally related to it. Except in my case, I’m the roommate who lives with a couple and it’s not my best friend who’s shacking up with a dude, it’s my younger sister letting her deadbeat boyfriend stay at the apartment we share. While Jessica talked with regret about how the strain of the living situation ended their friendship, I don’t want the same fate with my sister, who I’ll call Polly. She’s been dating Derek for eight months, six of which he’s been at our place. He’s in a band so he should be on tour a good portion of the year, but the band is recording so he’s been crashing with us non-stop. He’s a nice guy, I guess, but unlike Jessica’s husband, he doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t contribute to the bills, and is always here. Every time I ask Polly when Derek’s planning on leaving she says she doesn’t know, but it should be soon. I’m at my limit with this guy! I want him gone, but I’m afraid if I put my foot down and kick him out it will create a rift with my sister which sucks because our relationship is already strained due to this. How do I make Derek and his freeloading ass stop while at the same time repairing my relationship with my sister?

Yes, Polly’s being immature by letting this situation drag on, but don’t use it as an excuse to lose your cool. It sucks that he’s crashing at your place without contributing, but it’s not like he’s putting you in any danger or causing you harm. He’s just an unpleasant inconvenience. Most likely he’s puttering around the joint in socks with holes in the toes, checking Instagram on his old-ass iPhone with a cracked screen and trying to stream “The Wire” on a shitty laptop using his parents’ HBOGo account. Sure every stray hair of his in the bathroom shower makes you want to strangle him with his unwashed skinny jeans, but try to resist for now. Keep reading »

True Story: Married … With A Roommate

True Story: Married ... With A Roommate

New York City real estate causes many a housing arrangement made in desperation. If you live in NYC (or, for that matter, any city with insanely high rents), you likely know a few 30-somethings who still live with roommates or someone whose “convertible bedroom” is actually the living room with a room divider. The city is pockmarked with couples who moved in together more quickly than they would or should have, all citing the same very good reason: “It doesn’t make sense to pay two rents when he’s here all the time anyway.”

I had a shitty housing arrangement horror story in my mid-20s and hoped that would be my last. But then I wed a recent immigrant who needed a permit to work, a green card, and a job. Thus I found myself newly married and living with a roommate. Keep reading »

3 Topics To Discuss Before Moving in Together

3 Topics To Discuss Before Moving In Together

If you and your significant other finally decided to take that giant leap of financial and emotional faith and move in together, know that this is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Before you eagerly sign the dotted line on your lease, take a look at some things you should sit down and discuss BEFORE you find yourself arguing over who should be taking out the trash or paying the electric bill. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: Marriage For Introverts

Life After Dating: Marriage For Introverts

Pretty much everything about Kale and I getting married was untraditional. But we were actually quite traditional by not moving in together until a few days before our wedding.

Kale and I certainly weren’t opposed to premarital cohabitation on principle: both of us had lived with exes in long-term relationships before. We simply hadn’t been together long enough to move in together: we had only been dating for four months when we got engaged and got married just five weeks after that (yeah, we moved quick). Kale ending his lease in Brooklyn to move into my apartment in Queens a few days before our wedding was pure circumstance.

By cultural standards, the “getting married” part is supposed to be the huge change that occurred in my life. One minute I was filing my taxes solo and then — ba-bam! — I’m legally joined to another person by law. And to be sure, sponsoring Kale for immigration was also a significant event. But the honest truth is that the biggest change during that time, in terms of how it affected my life and how I had to adjust and grow as a person, was acquiring not just a new husband but a new roommate. Keep reading »

How To Know If You’re Ready To Move In Together

How To Know If You're Really Ready To Move In Together

Moving in together is a big step in a relationship, which is why many couples want to be sure they are ready before they take the leap. However, discerning whether or not the time is right can be a challenge. Should you be together for six months? A year? Who knows!

That’s why Rent.com asked couples what they thought on the subject. Take a look at these helpful tips before you sign an apartment lease together to determine whether or not you’re ready to take the plunge. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: What’s The Matter With Sleeping In Separate Bedrooms?

I once had a friend whose mom and dad didn’t just sleep in separate beds — they had entirely separately bedrooms in the same apartment. It seemed weird to me when I learned of it, despite the fact I knew nothing about their private relationship. When the parents eventually divorced, I assumed sleeping in separate bedrooms had had something to do with it. How could it not? I mean, sharing a bedroom just seemed like something married people do.

Well, I have been married for less than one year and I started thinking seriously about sleeping in separate bedrooms when I awoke with a start in the middle of the night recently because my snoozing husband elbowed me, sharply, right in the forehead. (It might actually have been a move taught in self-defense classes. And if it’s not, it should be.) Keep reading »

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