Girls making out, faux lesbianism, Girls Gone Wild spectacles are kind of de rigeur it seems like, but it’s harder than you’d think to find actual songs about girls hooking up that aren’t written by lesbian musicians like The Indigo Girls. I delved deep into the interweb in search of the most salacious lyrics about ladies being hot for other ladies. The top five starts off with:
5. “I kissed a girl/Her lips were sweet/She was just like kissing me/Kissed a girl won’t change the world/But I’m so glad/I kissed a girl!” — Jill Sobule, “Kissed A Girl”
Was this pre-Girls Gone Wild? I’m not sure, but either way, the song is rather carefree and fun, though I swear I cannot tell Jill from her mid-90s counterparts Tracy Bonham and Joan Osbourne. Anyway, is kissing a girl really like making out with yourself? I don’t think so. My one experience kissing a girl was terrible though, so what do I know?
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There’s a reason why it’s called “French” kissing. The following will have you speaking in tongues (literally) in no time.
5. Want to faire l’amour in style? The French Lesson Panty Set from Kiki de Montparnasse will teach your lover how to whisper sweet (naughty) nothings into your ear. Inscribed on the back of each pair of underwear, you’ll find French translations of sexy acts like “F**k me” (“Baise moi”). [Set of five, $295] Keep reading »
5. “My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer/He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller/He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night/He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush/And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch” — Salt ‘N’ Pepa featuring En Vogue, “Whatta Man”, Very Necessary
This is, like, the ultimate man objectification song. Remember how awesome the video was, with Pepa in the bathtub? I wish Salt could get it together so there could be a real reunion.
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Vampires are back baby, in a little movie that’s got a whole lot of underground buzz called Twilight — check out the trailer above. Based on a series of young adult novels by Stephanie Meyer, the film is seriously all the kiddies are talking about on the internet it seems. So, because I like to be hip with the young crowd, I decided to do some research. For starters, Twilight is a love story between an average, beautiful heroine named Bella and a vampire named Edward Cullen (played by the hottie who was Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter). What’s awesome about Edward and his family is that they are totally rebellious and abstain from drinking human blood and drink animal blood instead — friends of PETA they are not. Anyway, it reminded me of my own youth, spent crushing on goth boys, and I decided to put together a list of the Hottest Vampires. Keep reading »
I took a lot of women’s studies classes in college and even spelled women as “womyn” for a while, but I’ve never quite understood menstrual art. I have a lil’ soft spot for all the artists on this list, but it was loads of humorous fun pulling the lyrics for our Top Five Menstrual Songs:
5. “Cause my swag is serious/Something heavy like a first-day period.” — Janet Jackson, “Feedback”, Discipline
I’m confused. Janet’s periods are heavy on the first day? That sucks.
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Nerve.com and the Independent Film Channel teamed up to produce a list of “The 50 Worst Sex Scenes In Cinema”, and while the list is seriously impressive and I found myself laughing out loud remembering the terribleness of the love scene in Howard The Duck, I also noticed that a few of the chosen scenes featured rape. There’s Irréversible, Hollowman, and Crank (well, that one is described as “rape-esque”). Obviously, this is a “worst” list, not a “best” list so it’s not like the editors are applauding the sexiness of these scenes, but I think it’s kind of weird to consider a rape scene (like the incredibly disturbing one in Irréversible) as a sex scene at all. Anyway, what do you all think? [Oh, and FYI, #1 is that god awful butter scene in Last Tango In Paris.) [IFC.com -- A few of the images and all of the videos are NSFW] Keep reading »
After Ellen put together a list of the 100 Hottest Women according to women (not, as most of these lists tend to be decided, according to men). The list was pleasing and interesting in the way you’d expect a list like this would be, if the people determining it didn’t suffer from big-boobs-equals-eyes-glazed-over-syndrome. We were psyched to see Tina Fey top the list, as well as Ellen Page, Katherine Moennig, Kate Winslet, and Mia Kirshner. But as usual, this list made us think about the ladies who didn’t make the list that always make the grade in hot list put together by men. Which women do men find insanely hot that we just don’t understand? Our Top Five list begins with:
5. Nicole Scherzinger from The Pussycat Dolls I would include the entire group of these assinine felines, but sources tell me dudes only find Nicole hot. First of all, I find all that prancing around, talking about pushing on buttons really offensive to, you know, girl power, not to mention the opposite of sexy. She’s like a blowup doll, only with less personality. Keep reading »
We totally love cheesy, awesome, dancey R&B songs, especially when we listen closely to the lyrics and crack up. Usher’s “Love In This Club” provided much joy with the line, “I want to bag you like some groceries,” but it’s time to call attention to some other poetic words of love and lust from R&B MCs. Here are five of our favorite lines…
5. “Now your body’s got me feelin’ like spending/With a backroom I could come to live in/And your hair weave looking kind of pretty/The way you back it up on me baby/Lord have mercy.” — R. Kelly, “Feelin’ On Yo Booty”, TP-2.com
R. Kelly has a thing for big butts, especially on the dance floor. This particular lady has a butt that R. Kelly would like to move into. It doesn’t hurt that her hair weave is looking nice too. If I was this woman, I would be concerned, because we have all heard about what R. Kelly likes to do with butts he likes. Just sayin’.
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This morning Catherine and I were talking about Gossip Girl and how we find the guy who plays Dan really unattractive due to his annoying mouth and weird walk. Then we started going off about all the seemingly “hot” guys out there that everyone oohs and ahhs over that we really think are gross and came up with a short list of ones we agreed upon.
5. Orlando Bloom Have you ever seen him in Troy, that atrocious Brad Pitt movie? He plays the biggest wimpy turd. Honestly, thinking about him in the role, and how convincing he was, makes my stomach turn. Plus, look at that pube ‘stache. Barf.
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