Tag Archives: lifetime

Lifetime Already Planning “Flowers In The Attic” Sequel

Don't Do It, Sally Draper!

Lifetime’s TV movie adaptation of V.C. Andrews’ classic trashy read Flowers in the Attic has not even aired yet, but the network must be confident that incestuous romances are ratings gold, because they’re already planning to produce a sequel. Petals on the Wind is the second book in Andrews’ Dollanganger family series and follows the three remaining children after their escape from their evil grandmother’s attic and their mother’s attempts to poison them. Don’t worry! There’s still plenty of incestuous feelings, creepy old men, and a return to Foxworth Hall, as Cathy (Kiernan Shipka) plots to enact revenge against her mother and grandmother. I can only pray that every other pervert like me, who spent hours locked in their bedrooms, dog-earing the pages of V.C.’s books, actually tunes in for both these films, because I would personally love to see the third and fourth books adapted as well. And then the Casteel family series should be next! I could totally envision Lindsay Lohan as Heaven…

Anyway, “Flowers in the Attic” premiere January 18. Check out the extended trailer above! [Hollywood Reporter]

The Trailer For The Lizzie Borden Lifetime Movie Starring Christina Ricci Has Arrived

SUSPENSE!

In case you were wondering, Christina Ricci is still — somehow — utterly ageless. As as for her Lifetime original movie, “Lizze Bordon Took An Ax,”  well, I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions. [The Mary Sue]

[UPDATE] OMG, The “Flowers In The Attic” Trailer Is Here

trailer park
flowers in the attic
Don't Do It, Sally Draper!

[Update, 5:45p.m.: Damn, the trailer has been removed from the Internet!  Trust us, it was good.]  God bless Lifetime and their trashy, trashy movies. The trailer for the January 2014 remake of “Flowers In The Attic” is here and it’ll give you the heebies-jeebies in only the way a V.C. Andrews erotica about incestuous teenagers locked in an attic by their sadistic grandmother can. Lucky for us, the icky plot is leveled out with some real stars in the cast: “Mad Men”‘s Kiernan Shipka plays Cathy, the sister who falls in love with her brother, Heather Graham plays their troubled mother, and Ellen Burstyn is their psycho grandmother. This looks intense. You know we’re going to watch. [YouTube]

Christina Ricci To Play An Axe Murderer For Lifetime Biopic

Anna Nicole On Lifetime
Agnes Bruckner plays Anna Nicole Smith in Lifetime's movie.
Lifetime's Anna Nicole Smith movie looks bananas. Read More »
"Liz & Dick" Trailer
Lifetime's trailer for "Liz & Dick" is finally here! Read More »
Lifetime For The GOP
Lifetime movies for Republicans who don't understand rape. Read More »
  • Christina Ricci will play the iconic axe murderess Lizzie Borden in an upcoming biopic for Lifetime — which is not the same Lizzie Borden biopic that Chloe Sevigny will star in for HBO. Cable TV needs two axe murderess biopics, apparently! [Contact Music]
  • The Los Angeles D.A. might charge Chris Brown over his fight last January with Frank Ocean. I won’t hold my breath. [TMZ]
  • Never one to keep his mouth shut, Karl Lagerfeld  has trashed Audrey Tatou’s portrayal of Coco Chanel in the 2009 biopic “Coco Before Chanel,” sniffing that Tatou “played it like women’s lib, like Simone de Beauvoir 30 years before The Second Sex.” [NYmag.com]
  • “Trash the dress” photography is a new (batshit insane) theme for wedding photos where the bride and groom ruin her fancy white dress by jumping in a lake or rolling in the mud. [Racked] Keep reading »

Lifetime’s Anna Nicole Smith Movie Looks Bananas

Agnes Bruckner plays Anna Nicole Smith in Lifetime's movie.
Well, This Looks Tragic
Anna Nicole Opera
Somebody made an opera out of Anna Nicole's life. Read More »

I didn’t say it looked good necessarily. This is no “Behind the Candelabra.” But how did Lifetime manage to get real actors like Adam Goldberg and Martin Landeau to appear in their version of the pinup’s life (she’s been dead since 2007)? Oh hell, who am I kidding? I’ll totally be watching on June 29, if only for the scene where Anna Nicole (played by Agnes Bruckner) puts on the clown makeup…

The 8 Best/Worst Moments From “Liz & Dick”

"Liz & Dick" Trailer
Lifetime's trailer for "Liz & Dick" is finally here! Read More »
Lindsay's TV Movie
Lindsay Lohan won the Elizabeth Taylor role for a Lifetime TV movie. Read More »
Lindsay As Liz Taylor
Look at that hair! Lindsay Lohan pulls off 80's-era Liz Taylor. Read More »

So, did everyone watch Lifetime’s sure-to-be-a-classic original movie “Liz & Dick,” starring Lindsay Lohan as Dame Elizabeth Taylor and Grant Bowler as Richard Burton, last night? I did. In fact, I watched it twice, it was that horrifically yet entertainingly bad. Where to begin? Lindsay Lohan’s performance was abominable. It was like she didn’t even try to channel Elizabeth Taylor in the slightest, she just showed up to read some lines in between smoke breaks. She could only maintain Elizabeth’s British accent for half sentences at most, and instead of delivering her lines with Taylor’s trademark bravado, Lohan sounded like she was casually shooting the shit with her weed dealer. Now, the hair and makeup were fabulous, but I could never get past the fact that 26-year-old Lohan was supposed to be playing late-20s/early-30s Liz for most of the film, but that she seemed so much older, thanks to her worn-out raspy voice. Really, the film was unofficially sponsored by Marlboro Reds. Lohan was at her most convincing in the last few moments of the movie, playing ’80s era Liz, which I hope prompts Lifetime to do a sequel called “Liz & Larry,” about Taylor’s relationship with Larry Fortensky.

For the record, the plot could be summed up as follows: Liz and Dick fall in love, Liz and Dick fight, Liz throws a vase at the wall and takes some pills, Liz and Dick make up, Liz and Dick fight again, Liz throws a vase at a wall again, Liz and Dick make up, etc. etc. These scenes are broken up with lovely moments where Liz and Dick talk to the audience from beyonnnnnd the graaaaave — i.e. wearing all black, sitting in director’s chairs and smoking cigs — giving us their “perspective” on what drew them to each other. Spoiler alert: you will not understand a thing about either of these two iconic actors by the end of this film.

For those of you who didn’t get a chance to watch the movie, allow me to review — with clips! — the movie’s best/worst moments. Keep reading »

11 Things You Didn’t Know About “Liz & Dick”

Tonight marks the beginning of a new holiday: “Liz & Dick” Day! Lindsay Lohan is making her debut as cultural icon Elizabeth Taylor in the highly anticipated, critically panned biopic “Liz & Dick.” Oh, it’s going to be so good. Like, “Surf Nazis Must Die” good, like, “Pootie Tang” good, like “Gigli” good – that’s how good it is going to be. If you’re counting down the seconds to watch “Liz & Dick” with a leftover drum stick in hand, as you lament how many calories you’ve consumed in a short few days, then you must read our roundup of 11 things you didn’t know about “Liz & Dick.” Sure, you knew it would be awful, but did you know how much much real, actual work went into making this poop-diamond? Now you do! Read more…

The “Liz & Dick” Trailer Is Here

Lilo Arrested (Again)
Lindsay Lohan
It was a hit and run this time. Read More »
Lilo As Liz
Lilo pulls off '80s-era Elizabeth Taylor. Read More »
James And Lilo In Bed
James Deen and Lilo get in bed together. Read More »
She's So Dangerous!
A sneak peak at Lindsay Lohan as Liz Taylor

The trailer for the biggest television event in Lifetime’s history is here. Infamous, scandalous, dangerous. They drink, they fight, they fornicate. Love affairs, diamonds, paparazzi. Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler as Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. That pretty much sums up the “Liz & Dick” trailer. Is it almost November? [MTV]

Lifetime Movies For Republicans Who Don’t Understand Rape

Republicans are airing sexual ignorances this week. Representative Steve King of Iowa has “never heard of” statutory rape causing pregnancy; Senate nominee Tom Smith thinks ”having a baby out of wedlock” is “similar to” rape;  and, of course, there’s Todd Akin. Have these guys never watched “Law & Order: SVU” or browsed movie listings on Lifetime? Rape narratives are a primetime TV staple these days, rivaled in volume only by Real Housewives and Ryan Seacrest’s face.

To speed the sexual education of the GOP, we have paired ten Republicans’ ill-conceived rape comments with cinematic antidotes from the Lifetime TV oeuvre. Movie night at the Tampa Hilton, anyone? Read more…

“Prom Queens” Reality Show Is Exactly The Delightful Trash We’ve Come To Expect From Lifetime

Barbies At Prom
girls go to prom dressed as barbies
These girls showed up at prom in giant Barbie doll boxes. Read More »
Weirdest Prom Dresses
Cardboard & Paper Bag Prom Dress
The six weirdest prom dresses online which aren't made from duct tape. Read More »
Confederate Prom Dress
My, what a lovely and offensive dress you are wearing. Read More »
prom dance photo

God bless you, Lifetime. You’re all up there in the baser instincts of my lady lizard brain while simultaneously tugging at my ovaries. Where do you come up with these ideas? Granted, “Prom Queens,” your new reality show debuting August 14, sounds like Bravo’s “Real Housewives” franchise repackaged with higher metabolisms and less expensive lip gloss. But I’m sure you’ll put your special Lifetime spin on it. Keep reading »

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