So, did everyone watch Lifetime’s sure-to-be-a-classic original movie “Liz & Dick,” starring Lindsay Lohan as Dame Elizabeth Taylor and Grant Bowler as Richard Burton, last night? I did. In fact, I watched it twice, it was that horrifically yet entertainingly bad. Where to begin? Lindsay Lohan’s performance was abominable. It was like she didn’t even try to channel Elizabeth Taylor in the slightest, she just showed up to read some lines in between smoke breaks. She could only maintain Elizabeth’s British accent for half sentences at most, and instead of delivering her lines with Taylor’s trademark bravado, Lohan sounded like she was casually shooting the shit with her weed dealer. Now, the hair and makeup were fabulous, but I could never get past the fact that 26-year-old Lohan was supposed to be playing late-20s/early-30s Liz for most of the film, but that she seemed so much older, thanks to her worn-out raspy voice. Really, the film was unofficially sponsored by Marlboro Reds. Lohan was at her most convincing in the last few moments of the movie, playing ’80s era Liz, which I hope prompts Lifetime to do a sequel called “Liz & Larry,” about Taylor’s relationship with Larry Fortensky.
For the record, the plot could be summed up as follows: Liz and Dick fall in love, Liz and Dick fight, Liz throws a vase at the wall and takes some pills, Liz and Dick make up, Liz and Dick fight again, Liz throws a vase at a wall again, Liz and Dick make up, etc. etc. These scenes are broken up with lovely moments where Liz and Dick talk to the audience from beyonnnnnd the graaaaave — i.e. wearing all black, sitting in director’s chairs and smoking cigs — giving us their “perspective” on what drew them to each other. Spoiler alert: you will not understand a thing about either of these two iconic actors by the end of this film.
For those of you who didn’t get a chance to watch the movie, allow me to review — with clips! — the movie’s best/worst moments. Keep reading »
Tonight marks the beginning of a new holiday: “Liz & Dick” Day! Lindsay Lohan is making her debut as cultural icon Elizabeth Taylor in the highly anticipated, critically panned biopic “Liz & Dick.” Oh, it’s going to be so good. Like, “Surf Nazis Must Die” good, like, “Pootie Tang” good, like “Gigli” good – that’s how good it is going to be. If you’re counting down the seconds to watch “Liz & Dick” with a leftover drum stick in hand, as you lament how many calories you’ve consumed in a short few days, then you must read our roundup of 11 things you didn’t know about “Liz & Dick.” Sure, you knew it would be awful, but did you know how much much real, actual work went into making this poop-diamond? Now you do! Read more…
The trailer for the biggest television event in Lifetime’s history is here. Infamous, scandalous, dangerous. They drink, they fight, they fornicate. Love affairs, diamonds, paparazzi. Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler as Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. That pretty much sums up the “Liz & Dick” trailer. Is it almost November? [MTV]
Republicans are airing sexual ignorances this week. Representative Steve King of Iowa has “never heard of” statutory rape causing pregnancy; Senate nominee Tom Smith thinks ”having a baby out of wedlock” is “similar to” rape; and, of course, there’s Todd Akin. Have these guys never watched “Law & Order: SVU” or browsed movie listings on Lifetime? Rape narratives are a primetime TV staple these days, rivaled in volume only by Real Housewives and Ryan Seacrest’s face.
To speed the sexual education of the GOP, we have paired ten Republicans’ ill-conceived rape comments with cinematic antidotes from the Lifetime TV oeuvre. Movie night at the Tampa Hilton, anyone? Read more…
God bless you, Lifetime. You’re all up there in the baser instincts of my lady lizard brain while simultaneously tugging at my ovaries. Where do you come up with these ideas? Granted, “Prom Queens,” your new reality show debuting August 14, sounds like Bravo’s “Real Housewives” franchise repackaged with higher metabolisms and less expensive lip gloss. But I’m sure you’ll put your special Lifetime spin on it. Keep reading »
Question: can Lifetime really call their remake — featuring an all black cast — of the ’80s classic “Steel Magnolias” an “original movie”? Because the story line and all the dialogue appears to be exactly the same. This time around, the movie stars Queen Latifah (M’Lynn), Alfre Woodard (Ouise, still in a bad mood for 40 years), Phylicia Rashad (Clairee), Jill Scott (Truvy), Adepero Odoye (Annelle), and Condola Rashad (Shelby, who still has diabetes). Unless Shelby remarkably lives at the end, I don’t think you can call this movie original or particularly necessary. Thankfully, I don’t need either to be inclined to watch! [Blackbook]
In its infinite wisdom, Lifetime is debuting a new reality show that will be called “My Life Is A Lifetime Movie” starring real women sharing their true stories of drama: serial killer husbands, evil twin sisters, prostituting themselves to pay for a dental assistant degree. The best part is that the show will include “high-end recreations” of the juiciest bits. Obviously I am going to be watching the shit out of this.
“My Life Is A Lifetime Movie” is now in production, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Hopefully that means its not too late for the Frisky staff to propose their own tales of middle-class-white-female woe? Keep reading »
“The girls that really base how much they’re worth on the sexual favors that they can do for somebody, that makes me really sad. Because sex is actually really beautiful … It’s like the only way we create, and it’s the only way the world keeps going … So it’s ignorant not to talk to your kids about it or not make it seem as magical or cool as it actually is. Kids have a TV, so they know what sex is. So educate them and let them know … it’s a beautiful thing, and it is magic, and it’s when you connect with somebody. And it isn’t how much you’re worth. Your worth isn’t based on that, your worth is based on how you feel about yourself.”
– Miley Cyrus shares her sexual views on Amanda De Cadenet’s Lifetime show, “The Conversation.” What a great title they gave her, by the way — “Teen Queen & Soul Searcher.” I think it’s fair to say that Liam Hemsworth is giving it to her good. Or she’s been meditating a whole lot. Next stop: Tantra! Miley talks about other stuff with Amanda in the “universal language of women.” Like transformation, “generational sin,” self-growth and other deep stuff. It’s actually very interesting. You can watch the full episode here. [The Mirror UK]
I don’t know what Rosie O’Donnell was getting all bent out of shape about. LiLo is perfectly “capable” of tackling the role of Liz Taylor. Thank you for helping us picture it, Photoshop. Let’s hope Lifetime can make this look happen for real. [WOW]
Lifetime, the network for women where women are most often portrayed as killers, murder victims or prostitutes, has a new show lined up for summer! It’s called “The Week That Women Went,” and it’s a documentary mini-series that attempts to show what might happen to a small town if all the women were to disappear. In the series, the women of the small town of Yemasee, South Carolina, take off for a week, leaving their husbands, kids and jobs. The point, I guess, is to show what the world would be like for men if women weren’t there. Which obviously would suck. Keep reading »