Tag Archives: life after dating

Life After Dating: 7 Ways To Avoid Getting Sucked Into Your Partner’s Foul Mood

Life-After-Dating-Foul-Moods

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

When you’re alone, a bad mood is like an angry wave that takes you down. No matter how awful it feels in the moment, the damage it can do is limited because, for most part, you’re the only person in its path. When there’s another person around, a bad mood has the potential to pull both of you under water, and anyone who’s ever been sucked into a spiral of grumpiness with their partner knows that once you’ve been caught in the riptide, it’s nearly impossible to make your way back to shore. Luckily, there are some effective ways to deal with your partner’s moods. Hopefully, these emotional life rafts will let you maintain your sunny disposition, no matter how crabby your partner may be. In ideal cases, you might even be able to cheer them up. But don’t count on it — sometimes people just want to be mad, and that’s OK. As long as it’s only sometimes Keep reading »

Life After Dating: My First Coupled Valentine’s Day Is Going To Be Anticlimactic

Life After Dating: My First Coupled Valentine's Day Is Going To Be Anticlimactic

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

“What should we do for Valentine’s Day?” I asked my boyfriend.

He shrugged. I shrugged back. We looked at each other.

“I hate those prix fixe dinners,” he said.

“Yeah, me too,” I agreed. “So what then? What can we do that’s not dinner?”

We mutually shrugged once again and went back to talking about documentaries we wanted to see.

And that was that. We’re not doing anything for Valentine’s Day. Well, nothing special, anyway. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: A Look Back At 4 Strange Things I Did While Single

Life-After-Dating-A-Look-Back-At-4-Strange-Things-I-Did-While-Single

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

As I’ve mentioned before, there are many things that I miss about being single, for instance, watching “Rupaul’s Drag Race” and “America’s Next Top Model” whenever I felt like it, waking up at 7AM and running errands, and sitting down to a gourmet salad for one. But one thing I didn’t realize until I was no longer single, was that when you’re on your own for long stretches of time, you drop into a strange zone where it’s just you, yourself, and you. Another single friend of mine once confessed to me that she had invented “an imaginary dog” that she regularly “fed leftovers from dinner” and I nodded, as if it were a completely normal thing to do. The fact is, when you’re lonely, companionship, even in seemingly insane forms, is what keeps you sane. It’s not until you have another person to witness you, say, asking your houseplants how they’re feeling today, that you get your first whiff of, “Oh, wow, that’s a little bit crazy, huh?”

Here are a few of the things that I did when I was single that I’ve surmised, due to my partner’s frequent side-eye glances, are rather strange… Keep reading »

Life After Dating: The Death Of Discussing My Sex Life

Life After Dating: The Death Of Discussing My Sex Life

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

When I was single, I spent a lot of time talking about my sexual exploits with friends: his penis-to-ball ratio, how chipper of a mood he was in the morning after, whether or not I wanted to “hit that again.” It was one of the fun — well, maybe more necessary than fun — parts of being single. When I had flings or dating stints, all that was left when the dude was out of my life were the war stories. There was a soothing pleasure in finding a way to make my friends (and myself) laugh about how he did little more than jackhammer my vagina to death with his huge penis and in the morning, ask me to turn my shower on for him because it was “too hard to figure out.” I was the circus clown making singledom palatable for the crowd. Honestly, when I was single, if I didn’t find humor in my sex life, I would have been a very sad clown. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: 20 Not-So-Nice “Firsts” Of A Long-Term Relationship

20 Not-So-Nice Relationship Firsts

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

A few weeks after Nick and I started dating, he got his wisdom teeth out (alas, oral surgery is another pitfall of the high school sweetheart relationship). I was secretly really excited about the idea of taking care of my new boyfriend as he recovered, so I put on my cutest “casual caretaker” outfit and headed over to his house to spend the day nursing him back to health. When I got there, Nick was lying on the couch moaning in pain. The painkillers had upset his stomach and, unable to chew solid food, he’d been sipping canned chocolate protein shakes all day. It was pretty clear he was miserable and there was nothing I could do. I sat next to him and stroked his hair, wishing I could do more to make him feel better. And then, very suddenly, he clutched his stomach, whispered, “Oh noooo,” and projectile-vomited chocolate Slim Fast all over me.

As I was cleaning myself up, I did the math. This was technically our third date.

We joke now that reaching the “vomiting on each other” milestone so early in our relationship might have fast-forwarded our level of intimacy and helped us stay together for going on 10 years now. Because the painful, beautiful truth of being in a serious relationship is letting someone else see you exactly as you are, bodily functions and weird insecurities and crappy moods and all. When people talk about relationship “firsts,” they’re usually talking about sweet things like first kisses, first “I love you”‘s, and first dances. I think it’s time to give a shoutout to the not-so-pleasant firsts, the ones that, in their own way, might actually be more meaningful. Here are some examples, culled from my own experiences and red-faced confessions from friends in LTRs…

Keep reading »

Life After Dating: 22 Realistic Relationship Resolutions

Never Getting Married
Life after dating: What Don't You Understand About We're Not Getting Married?
"We're never getting married," means exactly what it sound like. Read More »
High School Sweethearts
Life After Dating: 8 Unexpected Downsides Of Staying With Your High School Sweetheart
There are some downsides of staying with your first love. Read More »
On Crushes
Life After Dating Crushes
Crushes are a reality...even when you're coupled. Read More »
Holidays With His Fam
Life After Dating: 6 Unsung Benefits Of Spending The Holidays With Your Partner's Family
Spending the holidays with his family might not be so bad. Read More »
Life After Dating: 22 Realistic Relationship Resolutions

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

This time of year it’s natural to think about starting fresh and making changes, and not just because of the ubiquitous “New Year, New You” ads for Weight Watchers and laser hair removal. If you’re in a serious relationship, it’s a great time to think about doing a State of the Union on your relationship and reflecting on the little ways it can be improved. I’m not talking about cheesy crap like “spend 20 minutes a day staring deeply into each other’s eyes” (although that’s nice, I suppose), I’m talking about using the new year as an excuse to check yourself and make sure you’re doing what needs to be done to keep the old relationship machine well-oiled and running smoothly. And yes, that does include accepting his ear-cleaning habits, as weird and compulsive as they might be… Keep reading »

Life After Dating: What Don’t You Understand About We’re Not Getting Married?

Life after dating: What Don't You Understand About We're Not Getting Married?

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

On our fifth date, eating tacos and drinking margaritas, my boyfriend Tom and I agreed on two things: 1. What we felt for each other was serious and 2. Marriage was off the table for the foreseeable future, and maybe forever.

For me, my mixed feelings about marriage were something I had plenty of time to mull over in my 20′s — when I was single and watching all my friends get married and divorced. I didn’t meet Tom until I was in my early 30′s and at that point, I was just rejoicing the miracle of meeting someone I could actually envision a future with. As our connection deepened, my feelings about getting married came sharply into focus. I could say with certainty that I didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars that I don’t have on a wedding (a romantic trip to Tulum or a down payment on an apartment are much more appealing to me). The feminist in me disdains wedding industrial complex and questions the institution of marriage itself. Getting the government involved in our relationship just doesn’t feel right. And beyond the financial and feminist hesitations, walking down the aisle in a white, pouffy dress has just never appealed to me. Finding a life partner has always been a dream of mine, but the wedding? Not so much. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: 8 Unexpected Downsides Of Staying With Your High School Sweetheart

Life After Dating: 8 Unexpected Downsides Of Staying With Your High School Sweetheart

My boyfriend Nick and I met when we were in high school, but we didn’t start dating officially until college. Part of the reason for that was my extreme resistance to the idea of being labeled “high school sweethearts.” I knew I loved Nick within a few weeks of first meeting him, but the idea of our relationship falling under the HSS label was mortifying to me, especially coming from a small town where HSS marriages were something of a way of life. I wanted to move away and have a glamorous career; settling down with the boy who sat three desks down from me in computer science class was not part of my plan. Nick wanted to get serious right away, but I was so afraid of becoming a cliche that I enforced a strict, “We’re just friends” rule until the day after graduation, when I finally kissed him and said, “OK, let’s do this.” I believed this technicality (we were a whopping 24 hours past the high school sweetheart deadline!) would save us from a lifetime of HSS comments. Smooth, right?

Alas, my plan didn’t really work. Whenever I tell people Nick and I have been together for nine years, they ask how old I am, they do the mental math, and then a goofy grin comes over their face as they start clapping and chanting, “High school sweethearts! High school sweethearts!” Sigh.

Obviously I have no regrets about sticking with Nick — I mean, I met the guy of my dreams early in life, how lucky am I? — but as our relationship has progressed, I’ve noticed a few unexpected drawbacks that don’t affect couples who met later in life… Keep reading »

Life After Dating: Dealing With Crushes When You’re In A Relationship

Life After Dating Crushes

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

I’ve been with my boyfriend, Max*, for five years now. We are completely committed to each other and about as happy together as real-life couple can be. I don’t question the fact that we will be together forever. I don’t want to date anyone else. And yet, I still get crushes on other people.

I’ve always been the crushing type. I tend to fall in love with 10 different people a day, for one reason or another. I toss my feelings around pretty freely, and the result is frequent, fleeting crushes on everyone from my favorite barista to the guy who came over to set up my wireless internet to about one-third of the contestants on “The Voice.”

“I briefly fell in love with the cable guy today,” I’ll tell Max over cocktails. He laughs it off. Luckily, he loves this quirk about me. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: 6 Unsung Benefits Of Spending The Holidays With Your Partner’s Family

Life After Dating: 6 Unsung Benefits Of Spending The Holidays With Your Partner's Family

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

You’ve barely worked your way through your stash of Halloween candy, and already the world is asking you to reserve your free-range turkey at the grocery story and buy your plane ticket for Christmas before the rates triple. If you and your significant other have been avoiding the Where We’ll Spend The Holidays convo, you can avoid it no longer. You may be at a stalemate over where you’re going to go depending on whose families give bigger guilt trips and how much you’re gonna have to cough up to get there and of course, tons of other considerations. We’ll leave that to you to sort out. (Good luck!) As you’re in the final throes of the holiday decision making frenzy, may we recommend (if your parents won’t disown you) forgoing the Where We’ll Spend The Holidays war and offering to spend it with your partner’s family. Not because you don’t love your family. Just because, well, what we’ve started to realize is that a holiday at your SO’s house is a holiday where you’re kind of off the hook — even if his family is a bit high maintenance. There is a beauty to not being expected to make the plans, do the grocery shopping or entertain asshole relatives. There are epiphanies to be had from watching your SO interact with their family members. Here are a few unexpected benefits to heading over the river and through the woods to a holiday celebration with your partner’s family… Keep reading »

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