Tag Archives: life advice

Make It Stop: “My Twin Brother & I Took Separate Paths In Life — But He Still Resents Me For It”

Make It Stop is a weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

I have a twin brother and I’ve always been the “adventurous” twin. I went to college several states away while my twin, for a number of reasons, commuted from home. After I graduated, I got a job several states away as well. While I have made several disparaging comments about my twin’s life choices in the past, I’ve tried to mend fences to no avail. We don’t talk regularly anymore. Every time I come home for the holidays, my twin takes something innocuous I say and twists it, going into a screaming fit about how I should go back to wherever I live and never come back. Needless to say, it makes coming home uncomfortable and I don’t want to anymore. My parents usually see that he is overreacting but don’t seem able to stop it either. Do you have suggestions to help mend our fights or make them stop?

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Make It Stop: “My Dude Is Having A Rough Time And I Want To Encourage Him — But Without Sounding Like His Mommy”

Make It Stop: "My Dude Is Having A Rough Time And I Want To Encourage Him -- But Without Sounding Like His Mommy"

The dude in my life is going through a rough time — career-wise, financially, etc. — and I think it’s starting to impact his sense of, like, manliness. I’m a super nurturing person and I really want to encourage him to keep at it and basically tell him I’m proud of him, but I know sometimes I can come off as a bit … maternal, and that probably won’t help matters with his macho dude provider issues. Do you have any suggestions for how to tell or show someone you’re proud of them without actually SAYING that?

Sometimes our family, friends, and significant others need a self-esteem boost every now and then. I understand your apprehension flat out tell him that you’re proud of him. It might come off as hollow. In his mind, he might spin it out to think, “What’s there to be proud of? I’m a big loser,” and it might have the unintended affect of making him feel worse about things when all you were trying to do was pump him up. Keep reading »

Make It Work: How To Tackle The Job Search Without Losing Your Shit

Make It Work: How To Tackle The Job Search Without Losing Your Shit

Losing your job sucks. There’s no two ways around it. It’s a really shitty feeling to go into work one Wednesday, sit down at your desk, answer three emails and then be summarily dismissed. Regardless of whether you were fired or let go, it still stings. After you leave the office for the last time, carrying the contents of your cubicle in a box, you wander the streets, unsure of what to do with yourself. You are sure that every person you pass knows that you’re unlovable, unwanted by your former employer, worthless. This is not true. You were simply released from the shackles of one job and are now free to explore other avenues. This can be a time of excitement and change, if you choose. I have been unemployed an awful lot. The first time was a nightmare, the second time was a little better, and the third was long, but ultimately rewarding. I’ve learned some valuable lessons about the job search along the way. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My Best Friend Won’t STFU About Her New Boyfriend”

Make It Stop: "My Best Friend Won't STFU About Her New Boyfriend"

My best friend is in a new relationship. I’m really happy for her, but it seems like she ONLY wants to gab about this new fella, who I’ll call Louis. We talk about Louis for—I’m not kidding—hours on end. She doesn’t even ask about how my day’s going, she just talks endlessly about this guy: basically what she loves about him (his wicked sense of humor and kickass bedroom skills) and what she’s hesitant about (his exorbitant student loans, his ex-girlfriend who he swears is “crazy”). Her thoughts on this guy are a faucet that I can’t turn off. These conversations are taking up a lot of my time, which is a problem because between work and school, my free time is at a premium. Louis is sexy! Louis is great! Louis wants to name their (hypothetical children) Clementine and Zachary! That’s all fantastic; but I’d rather be catching up on “Homeland” episodes than hearing about the ins and outs of her new relationship for the millionth time. Please, make it stop!

I understand the rush of finding a new love. You want to scream it from the rooftops: “I found someone who doesn’t suck! Life is good! Now I can one of those people who write #blessed at the end of status updates unironically!” Keep reading »

Make It Work: How To Quit Your Job

Make It Work: How To Quit Your Job

There comes a time in everyone’s career when you will quit your job. You will stand in your boss’s doorway, cock your head and say, “Do you have sec?” You will quietly shut the door. You will sit down in that weird chair reserved for guests and your boss’s jacket, palms sweating, and tell him or her that you have found a new job, or are moving to Sweden, or are starting grad school in the fall. You will tell them that you are very sorry, but the time has come for you to part ways. Your boss will accept this with grace and, if they are a nice boss and a decent person, a congratulations. You will make a plan for departure. You will leave the office that day with the weight of a million hours’ of shitty emails and bad vibes off your shoulders, completely, and for good. Congratulations, you just quit your job! Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “An Old (Married!) Friend From High School Is Putting The Moves On Me On Social Media”

Make It Stop: "An Old (Married!) Friend From High School Is Putting The Moves On Me On Social Media"

I’m in a happy, committed relationship. I just reconnected with a friend from high school who has a spouse and a daughter, and although it was fun to hang out, immediately after we did so, he started flirting with me and talking about how he had feelings for me in high school. It’s clear that he still does, and that’s fine, but I don’t have any feelings for him — or anyone but my boyfriend! Now I feel like I have to avoid him, but he keeps trying to talk to me on social media. What do I do?

There’s no need to jeopardize your happy relationship over some dud’s lame attempt at a cheap ego boost. You could block him, or unfriend him, or do nothing. I love doing nothing as a response because it’s easy and free! Eventually he’ll get the hint.

You could be direct and say, “I’m not interested. Please stop,” but I don’t want to make it more dramatic than it needs to be.

As for me, depending on how comfortable with him, I’d probably make a joke out of it. Like next time you see him out and he starts chatting you up, give him some sass. Keep reading »

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