Tag Archives: lemondrop

I’m In Love With Being Alone

I’ve learned a lot over the course of writing this column. Readers don’t care for wedding critiques. Also, if you want to generate a ton of comments, write an impassioned polemic against open-toed sandal-boots and vodka tonics. Interweb columns sure are strange!

My editor, when not worshiping Cthulu or excising all of my best jokes, likes to remind me to write honestly. And in trying to do so, I’ve started to come to some startling conclusions about myself.

Conclusions like, I think I’ve realized that I’m in love …

… with being alone. Read more Keep reading »

Would You Give Away All Your Stuff?

At one point in her life — when she owned a two-bedroom condo, two cars, and enough wedding china to serve two dozen people gazpacho at the same time — Tammy Strobel, 31, asked herself if all that “stuff” actually made her and her husband, Logan, happy.

Then, she gave it all away. Read more Keep reading »

She’s Got The Gown, Now She Needs The Groom

Lisa Linehan, 35, is getting married on February 15, 2011.

Most of the wedding’s details are already set — she’s picked out the venue, chosen a DJ, and narrowed her gown possibilities to four lucky finalists. There’s just one thing missing: the husband-to-be.

Lisa, a singer-songwriter, has neither a fiance nor a long-term boyfriend. She intends to find her soul mate through what she’s calling “Project Husband,” a venture sponsored by Dallas’s local CW affiliate. She’s even written a song about it — “I Want to Get Married.” Read more Keep reading »

I Tried Whale Semen Hair Conditioner And It Worked

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about whale semen, it’s that if you Tweet about it, you get … crickets.

“HAHA, ASSIGNED TO CONDITION MY HAIR WITH WHALE SEMEN!” I wrote to my unwitting public (of, like, 140 followers).

Nothing. No one wants to hear about that. But they should! Because whale sperm is actually a truly excellent hair conditioner, and I learned this the very, very hard way (my, there are so many semen jokes) when I purchased a tub of whale sperm this week, for the low, low price of $6.99, then slathered it all over my own head — and a good-natured neighbor’s. Read more Keep reading »

Over-The-Top Marriage Proposals Are Stupid. Here’s Why …

Recently there was the dude dressed in a giant broccoli costume who got down on one knee at the minor league baseball game. (Come on, if you’re going to propose on the Jumbotron, at least choose the majors.)

Then there was Mike from Austin, whose proposal fail took place on live TV. Or a guy who got slapped upside the head — before she ran away — after he popped the question at a hockey game.

You get the point. Read more Keep reading »

When He’s Better On Paper Than In Person

Have we met?

If you find me charming, funny and confident, then the answer is no. Although, we might have emailed. Why? Because in terms of personality, I’m Don Draper … electronically. In the flesh? Not so much.

Welcome to my personal hell.

Here’s the deal: When I email a gal, I’m imbued with all these crazy powers. Confidence! Wit! Charm! On my Powerbook or my iPhone, I’m George Clooney at a cocktail party. On a date, without my assorted Apple products, I become … the Mac guy.

It’s my own personal cross to bear. Read more Keep reading »

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