Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are being even more confusing than usual this week. The December issue of Harper’s Bazaar hits newsstands soon, featuring the pair on the cover and in a hyper-romantic photo spread. The cover story is essentially all about their relationship—their first meeting (auditioning for “Twilight” and being thrown into a make-out scene together) and who is more romantic (Rob, apparently). Heck, for half of the story, the two even play the “Newlywed Game,” answering questions about who spends more time on their hair, who is more egotistical, and who is more superstitious. But wait, what’s this? In an Entertainment Weekly roundtable interview yesterday, Kristen got crazy worked-up and dropped a few f-bombs when asked about whether they are dating. Yeah, it’s really hard to understand why people want to know when you FAN THE FREAKING FLAMES.

Check out the photos and the best quotes from these interviews after the jump.

• Robert Pattinson denies rumors that he and Kristen Stewart are dating in the December issue of Vanity Fair. Also in the story, he says he thinks he resembles a cartoon character and that one of his legs is longer than the other. [Vanity Fair]—This could be the first time the Tiger Beat crowd will rush to purchase a copy of Vanity Fair.
• Lindsay Lohan and Gerard Butler reportedly got cozy in Morocco on Sunday night, locking lips on the dance floor and then leaving together. [NY Daily News]—If this is true, Gerard is totally taking advantage of Lindsay, who still seems to be getting over Sam Ronson.
• Some people are saying Kate Hudson, who is dating Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, is a good luck charm for the team. Also, a source told Us Weekly that A-Rod is “less of a jerk” and “more free-spirited” now that he’s with her. [Us Weekly]—If he’s become less of a jerk, she’s a real miracle worker.

“[Robert Pattinson’s character in “Twilight”] is actually a really good parallel to fame. As a vampire, he has a sad, desolate life—fame is the same. [...] I don’t want to be a movie star like Angelina Jolie. Nothing about being a celebrity is desirable. I’m an actor. It’s bizarre to me that everybody’s so obsessive.”

— Kristen Stewart tells BlackBook what she really thinks about fame.

Oh sweet Wednesdays, alleviating the happy hangovers of last weekend and preparing us for the crazy times that will be this weekend’s Halloween candy-corn binge. Just like the neighborhood kids, your favorite celebrities are also playing make-believe—although not voluntarily—in the pages of this week’s tabloids. Once again, we’ve compiled the super true-ish stories from this week’s ‘bloids for your unembarrassed perusal. Enjoy, cause this week’s are pretty major.

• Kristen Stewart reveals to Interview how she is terrorized by paparazzi and afraid to leave her hotel room. [Popeater]
• National Review writer John Derbyshire spews crap about women’s “baby batter” and turning back suffrage. [The Huffington Post]—Hurrah, conservative misogyny!
• Dreamboats Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig‘s Broadway play, “A Steady Rain,” has broken the record for the highest weekly gross for a production that isn’t a musical with $1,167,954. [New York Times]—Obviously this play with this cast is from heaven. And heaven should let me have a seat inside the pearly gates.

I don’t know about you guys, but this has already been the longest week ever and I could use a vacay. But since that’s out of the question, we’ll have to take a vacation with our minds. What better way to do that than indulge in some trashy tabloid drama? We did the dirty work and packaged the headlines in short, easy-to-read blurbs, cause we like you that much!

It’s Wednesday, which means the week is half over and you’ve made it through hump day. But even more importantly, new ‘bloids just hit newsstands. Lest you have to actually buy them, here’s the juiciest and, uh, most ultra-true stories from each.

“It’s an independent movie that nobody would normally see and now it’s like, ‘Oh, let’s go see Bella in this stripper movie—it’ll be crazy!”

—Kristen Stewart on her new movie, “Welcome to the Rileys,” where she’ll be playing a 16-year-old prostitute opposite James Gandolfini

• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were photographed at a concert in Vancouver recently, and it’s quite easy to assume they’re doing the nasty. [Dlisted]—The body language says it all.
• ”True Blood” actress Kristin Bauer says she thinks Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin will have children in the future because Anna is so good with Stephen’s children from another relationship. [E! Online]
• Hailey Glassman says Jon Gosselin was her “first love,” and she has also revealed that she started dating him a month before he and Kate announced their separation in June. [Us Weekly]—Too bad he hasn’t expressed the same feelings.

It doesn’t take much to get “Twilight” fans in a tizzy. This new 14-second teaser trailer for “New Moon” is certainly doing the trick. What does the trailer show us? To, uh, not have high expectations for the acting and dialogue in this flick. OK, fine. We won’t judge it on this tiny snippet. But I think we can all agree that the highlight here is Taylor Lautner‘s bod. He’s over 18, right?

Kristen Stewart is looking so dang hardcore lately. She’s either sartorially-inspired by her role in “The Runaways” as Joan Jett or simply a method actress. Either way, we wonder how the hell she could sit through the Teen Choice Awards in this Rock & Republic dress without sustaining any serious injuries. [Los Angeles, 8/10/09]

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart couldn’t hide their nerd love at a ComicCon conference for “New Moon.” Girl, if he still wants to bone you, despite the mullet, you know it’s L-O-V-E. [San Diego, 7/24/09]

Several tabloids this week did Michael Jackson tribute issues, which is to be expected. But there’s so much other trashy celebrity drama that we need to catch up on! We’ve practically forgotten all about Jon and whatsherface or Rihanna and so-and-so. I never thought I’d say this, but I kinda need more diverse hubbub in my life (no offense MJ), so thank goodness this week hit a few of our favorite drama mongers.

Robert Pattinson‘s rumored secret lover, Kristen Stewart, should consider going into hiding. She’s already getting hate mail from Twilighters for dating the sexy vampire man. Now, an Australian tabloid is reporting that Stewart is actually carrying R-Patz’s baby. The paper’s source said, “When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.” A picture of Stewart rocking a baby bump is also shown. Of course, there’s no word yet from the reps on whether this is true. But what do you think about the possibility of a “New Moon” love child? [NY Daily News]

• NIck Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have split up. [People]—They lasted longer than I thought they would because she looks annoying as hell.
• Rachel Hunter’s fiance Jarret Stoll called off their engagement via email, but he didn’t provide any reason to the bride or guests. [PopEater]—At least now she knows he’s a punk.
• A friend of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson says Kristen flipped out when she saw the photo of Robert kissing Emilie de Ravin, his “Remember Me” co-star. [OK! Magazine]

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick’s twin daughters were born yesterday via a surrogate. The babies’ names are Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. [Quickies]—That first name sucks ass, even if it has familial significance.
• Mattel is releasing “Twilight” dolls in the likeness of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s characters, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. [Perez Hilton]—OK, Kristen officially has to give up her I’m-so-awkward-I’m-cool shtick because nothing spells conformity like M-A-T-T-E-L.
• How did Tanner P. from “The Bachelorette” know that Jillian’s feet were “softer than s**t?” [E! Online]—I guess he’s had a ton of crap in his life.

It’s Wednesday once again. Which means that the tabloids are out, and there are oh so many stories on newsstands about your favorite celebrities that will inevitably blow your mind. Then tomorrow, you will hear that half of said stories are totally made up. Which is really half the appeal of tabloids, isn’t it, the constant push and pull? So you don’t have to actually buy these rags and waste trees, we’ve rounded up the juiciest stories, after the jump.

Yeah, we know Joan Jett specifically wanted Kristen Stewart to play her in “The Runaways,” the new film which documents Jett’s early beginnings in a rock group. But why? These photos taken on set show Jett, 51, giving Stewart, 19, pointers on how to imitate her. Am I the only one who sees that Jett— who is decades older—is clearly chicer, cooler and just plain old hotter than Stewart?

That’s because Kristen Stewart has ditched the pretty long locks for an ‘80s shag—she’s playing Joan Jett in “The Runaways” biopic. [Los Angeles, CA, 6/11/09]