Cover boy, Lord, American Psycho — Scott Disick is a man of many wonders. He is almost single-handedly responsible for everything Good and Hilarious to happen on all things “Kardashian” as of late insofar as he is uncompromisingly ridiculous and it brings me pure joy. In the latest episode of “Kourtney & Kim Take Miami,” Kourtney calls Scott out on borrowing what appears to be her Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. Kim also announces she’s pregnant, but whatever. Scott’s makeup hoarding (and feigning cluelessness!) is far and away the highlight of this episode, along with Kourtney’s trademark deadpan, totally Xanaxed-out delivery as she sneakily confirms that Scott is, indeed, borrowing her beauty products. So! When are they announcing his spin-off? Mama Kris would never approve of that, but I guarantee viewers would be far more likely to tune in to “The Scott Show” than “Kendall & Kylie’s Boring Whatever.” [BuzzFeed]
Looking at pictures of women with cartoonishly large breasts, bound and gagged in the backseat of the trunk of a car, you might think you’re looking at bondage porn.
But no, you would be looking at someone’s idea of “advertising” for the Ford Motor Company. The tagline? “Leave Your Worries Behind.” Keep reading »
The Kardashians have graduated from bodily fluids to bodily scents. On last night’s episode of the “Kourtney and Kim Take Miami,” Khloe sniffed Kim and Kourtney’s koochies to see which one smelled better. I believe you would call this a vagina off. It’s like a dance off, but with krotches. The Kardashian vagina off began as all vagina offs do — with jealousy. When Khloe said, “Kim, you’re so gor-gina, that sometimes I want to put my dick in your mouth,” it was ON! Keep reading »
Raise your hand if you were surprised that Kim Kardashian got a facial from her own blood. Grossed out? Yes. Surprised? No. Because Kim’s syringe-wielding skincare routine was just the latest example in a Kardashian family past time: playing with their own body fluids. This family will have none of your conventions of “taste” or “hygiene.” Strap on your latex gloves and join me for a stroll down memory lane.
What do you guys know about Scott Disick? I know that he is the most fascinating and, scarily enough, often the most logical specimen on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” or any variation or spin-off thereof. I know that he refers to himself by the moniker of “Lord Disick,” a title he bought online. I know that a sophisticated older French girl I went to prep school with who never wore deodorant hung out with him at a club in the Hamptons (The Elm, if you must know), where he bragged about how he was using Kourtney for her money and didn’t give a shit about her and slept with other girls all the time. Which, like, I find so hard to believe. “Sentimental Scott” Disick? No way.
Anyway, I saw the greatest “Kourtney and Kim Take Miami” episode the other night, where Kourtney is pissed off because Scott is hanging out with all these lesbians, and then Kourtney squirts breast milk on Kim’s psoriasis. This really got me to thinking about what Scott actually does with his life. Who is he really, and where did he come from? I found myself needing answers that I couldn’t find on any Wikipedia page. Fortunately for me, Scott did a recent interview in Haute Living magazine (I’ve never read that magazine but I know that I hate it) where he dished on style, skincare, and “Seinfeld.” Here are a few things I learned… Keep reading »
There must be a subgenre of porn for this right? On last night’s episode of “Kourtney & Kim Take Miami,” Kim took to the interwebs to find a remedy for her psoriasis. (Does Kanye know she has psoriasis? I thought he insisted on her being flawless?) Turns out, applying breast milk to the skin is a popular home remedy. So obviously, still-nursing sister Kourtney whipped her tit out and super-soaked away.
The new season of “Kourtney & Kim Take Miami” premieres this weekend, which means I’ll be sitting inside my cold NYC apartment suffering from serious location envy. But even if I — and you — can’t fit in a jaunt to the southern Florida hot spot, doesn’t mean we can’t take some style cues from the city for which I’m sure the world “sultry” was invented. Think bright colors and lots of white, sequins and cutouts, extreme lengths — maxi or mini — and sandals and wedges that can be paired with anything. Now, if only the weather would warm up around these parts… Keep reading »
I have a bizarre limerence for Scott Disick, the vaguely threatening, Patrick Bateman-esque father of Kourtney Kardashian‘s children. Maybe it’s because I’m from New England, but Disick’s combination of slick, preppy rich-boy style, unapologetic dogmatism, and self-reverential charm is exactly what I look for in someone to both lust after and loathe. What I didn’t realize, however, is that I’ve actually been crushing on Scott for ten years. Say whaaaaat. Keep reading »
Kourtney Kardashian doesn’t want you to think that motherhood has made her soft, which is probably why she wore this fur coat and sunglasses ensemble to the airport. She looks downright intimidating here — but on the real, I’m loving the dude in the leather pants and striped shirt behind her. [Photo: Fame/Flynet]
Of all the Kardashians (and there are like, 5,000), Kourtney seems to have the best style. But this Mara Hoffman muu muu? Well, the jury’s out. She tends to have good taste, but then again, she did have two kids with Human Tan Towel Scott Disick. So should we trust her muu muu judgement? Hmmm…