I was pretty entertained by Martin Scorsese’s “The Wolf of Wall Street,” but the movie was too long and lacking in any real depth, if you ask me. Jordan Belfort (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) is a crazy, thieving, drug-doing, ethically bankrupt asshole, and not much more, so around the hour and a half mark, I started to get bored of his antics. But what if the movie was about a Klingon-born, Earth-raised Starfleet officer, and the wildly unpredictable situations he finds himself in during his travels through space? Yes, “The Worf of Starfleet” sounds like a movie that actually deserves a shot at Oscar. Just check out the trailer, which syncs up quite perfectly with the one for “The Wolf of Wall Street.” As far as I’m concerned, Worf — a character from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and “Deep Space Nine” — is a much more interesting anti-hero than Belfort and I bet he could drink him under the table — no one parties harder than a Klingon. Get Michael Dorn on the phone — make this happen, Hollywood!
Because seriously, not yap wa’ Hol — one language is never enough — you know? Especially when it comes to really bad pop songs. [YouTube]
Dear Johnnie Blade,
First of all, your parents clearly knew you were destined for greatness, because they gave you a name that could only befit a future porn star or Klingon sword enthusiast. I have no idea about your adult film industry experience, but you were recently arrested for “wildly swinging” a four-foot long sword in a Fort Lauderdale intersection. In your defense, you were actually observed “proudly displaying” your crescent-shaped weapon — a bat’leth, technically — and who could blame you? Klingons are the most fiercely honorable alien species in the “Star Trek” cannon, and their weaponry is incredibly impressive. (Props, by the way, to the person who correctly identified your sword as being Klingon.) jIyajchu’. [That means "I understand fully" in Klingon.] If I were lucky enough to own such a fine blade, I would want to show it off to passing motorists as well. As soon as this misunderstanding is cleared up and the police let you go, we should meet up for a couple glasses of prune juice. Hoch DIl! [I'll pay.]
yIghoSDo’ — and qamuSHa’ [Good luck and I love you],