Tag Archives: kinky

My Strange First Day Working In An Erotic Massage Parlor

I was not impressed at all with the lack of notice for my first appointment.

I barely had time to rush back to the little basement dressing room, change into shoes that weren’t completely ratty and gross, and gather my nerves before I got the text message from “Marjorie” informing me that my client was at the gate of the apartment complex. When I finally let my client in, though, I was a bit confused by his look of shock. Read more on The Gloss…

Ranking Cosmopolitan‘s “12 Kinky Quickies” Sex Moves On A Scale Of 1 – 4 Handcuffs

Couples who engage in kink in the bedroom are happier and more secure in their relationships, according to a study cited in the October issue of Cosmopolitan. Girl, you don’t have to tell me this! BDSM sex, when it is safe, sane and consensual, is pretty amazing for all partners.

But hold up for a second. This article was in … Cosmo?! Yes, really, it was.  Cosmopolitan has a well-deserved and iconic place in pop culture history as a place for women to read sex tips, but definitely is not known as the forefront of kink.

Even if the magazine didn’t talk about safe words or the difference between kink and abuse, I appreciate they are trying to include more types of alternative sexuality in their almost-always vanilla and heteronormative sex tips. So I took a look at Cosmo‘s “12 Kinky Quickies” article with a critical eye. Here are my bonafide kinky assessments on their recommended moves: Keep reading »

Study: 50 Shades Of Grey “Perpetuates” Abusive Relationships

"50" Causes Divorce
kinky woman
Couple divorces because husband won't reenact "50 Shades." Read More »
Kinky Sex Myths
Five myths about kinky sex from "50 Shades Of Grey." Read More »

50 Shades Of Grey is still a thing people are talking about, I guess?  But the latest news isn’t casting rumors for the big screen adaption of E.L. James’ kinky sex trilogy — it’s a pearl-clutching new study that warns 50 Shades “perpetuates” abusive relationships.

The Journal of Women’s Health published a study earlier this week entitled “Double Crap! Abuse And Harmed Identity In 50 Shades Of Grey” by professor Amy Bonomi of Michigan State University and two other professors. The study, which focused on the first eight chapters of the first book in the series, found, according to Bonomi, that “50 Shades Of Grey perpetuates dangerous abuse patterns.” Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Abuse Within Kink (Or This One Time Some Really Bad Stuff Happened To Me)

On BDSM
kinky photo
BDSM is not "consensual domestic violence." Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
woman panties

Recently I went home with a kinky man after our first date. The experience phased in and out of being consensual throughout the night. I distinctly left his apartment feeling violated and I continued to feel violated for several days after.

We found each other online because both of us were interested in dominant/submissive (D/s) sex, particularly in spanking. I thought this man would be dominant in bed, as per his online dating profile and a conversation we’d had about it on our date. But instead of just dominant, he was controlling. Before we started playing, I told him the “safe word” I wanted to use. A safe word is a word or phrase used by kinky people during sexual play that they want the play to stop immediately; I never play with a partner without one. To my surprise, this guy told me that safe word I chose was “terrible” and to use something else. That raised a red flag right off the bat.

Another red flag came at one point during play when he called me a “bitch.” I’m not against being called names in bed. In fact, with a partner whom I know and trust, being called a “bad girl” or a “slut” can be really hot! But we never had a conversation about using words like that, and if we had, I would have told him that the word “bitch” was not OK with me.   Keep reading »

Rihanna Spotted Getting Kinky With Women In Sex Club

It’s no secret that Rihanna really loves her strippers and her desire to touch them often gets her in trouble (She was once kicked out of a club)

The “Stay” singer recently hit up a sex club in Toronto where she came dressed to role play and almost got into a fight with another woman.

If you believe the National Enquirer:

RiRi came into the club in a black cat-suit and bondage-style leather policeman’s hat and pretended to arrest several women, frisking them and even copping feels of their chests to satisfy her gay desires. Read more …

The Soapbox: BDSM Is Not “Consensual Domestic Violence”

Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
Submissive Sex
Newsflash: feminists are not against submissve sex. Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
kinky photo

I don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post because all the ways that Slate columnist/link-baiter William Saletan is wrong about BDSM are so numerous and so glaringly inaccurate that I have half a mind not to dignify it with a response.

Alas, here I go:

Saletan asks whether, between 50 Shades of Grey and various colleges starting their own BDSM clubs,  kink is going “mainstream,” as if sexuality is like rap music or the Atkins diet which spreads around the country once it becomes “cool”. He quickly concludes no, BDSM won’t ever be accepted by your Great Aunt Myrtle in Iowa City, because it’s actually “dangerous” — actual quote — and actually “consensual domestic violence” — actual quote.

Sigh.

His viewpoint only serves to further stigmatize what’s barely even taboo anymore,  promoting the Dark Ages/maybe-in-rural-Alabama idea there’s “right” and “wrong” sexuality between consenting adults.

To which I have to say, shut the fuck up, William Saletan. Keep reading »

6 Ways The New York Times (Of All Places) Got It Right About Kinky Sex

"Kink" Trailer
james franco kink
Watch the trailer for James Franco's doc about BDSM porn. Read More »
Fetishes 101
fetish
What's a fetish? What's a paraphilia? This post explains it all! Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »

The New York Times Style section has gotten the memo: 50 Shades Of Grey is a book the ladies be readin’. Cue interviews with various and sundry New Yorkers who are involved in the kink scene, from sexual submissives to fire players. Actually, this article was written by a friend of mine named Matt and even if he wasn’t my bud, I’d still think this article about issues pertaining to kinky sex was a job well done.

Take note, other journalists who write about sex! Here’s six ways the New York Times actually got it right on kinky sex (or, as much as they could in one article): Keep reading »

9 Sex Toys To Try This Valentine’s Day

We all know from Cupid and Hallmark and Victoria’s Secret that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the sexiest, sultriest, panty-droppingest day in existence.

We also know that’s not actually going to happen.

But you can try, can’t you? Your partner probably isn’t going to turn into Christian/Christina Grey for the night. But that doesn’t mean you can’t introduce a sex toy or three to spice things up. Here’s nine toys we think you might enjoy for a little something-something extra this Valentine’s Day. Let us know how it goes … if you’re willing to kiss and tell.

Hell Yeah, I Love You!
Hell yeah, I love you! Getting love is easy this Valentine's Day. Read More »
Red Lingerie
... for every bust size! Read More »

Fetishes 101: All The Basics About Having A Sexual Fetish Or Paraphilia

Adult Diapers
Adult diapers is a trend for women in Japan. Read More »
Spanking Fetish
woman spanking
"Modern Love" tackles one woman's spanking fetish. Read More »
fetish

“I have a shopping fetish!”

“I have a total fetish for caramel-covered popcorn — it’s my favorite snack!”

“She watches the Kardashians’ shows because she has a weird Kim fetish. She’s wants to dress like her so badly.”

You’ve probably heard a comment like this at least once a week your entire life. These sorts of comments drive me bonkers, because those people are not really referring to fetishes.

Instead, they’re misusing the word “fetish” to describe anything they really like, instead of something that sexually turns them on. I imagine it might be the same way gay folks would feel when a straight-person says to their same-sex friend “I’m gay for you,” when really they just mean their friend is a good buddy.

This is a subject we could all stand to know more about.  Obviously I am not a psychologist or a medical expert of any kind; I’m just a woman with a spanking fetish who is researching official information on the subject on Google and including my own experiences and tips. I highly recommend visiting a sex-positive therapist, specifically a sex therapist, for a professional consult and to sort this stuff out if you or a loved one have a fetish or paraphilia.

But for a basic 101 on fetishes and paraphilia, here are some commonly asked questions and answers:

Keep reading »

Modern Love Tackles One Woman’s Spanking Fetish

First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
Tales Of A Kinky Feminist
bdsm
You can be a kinky feminist and flawed human being. Read More »
Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
woman spanking

The New York Times Style section usually emits more groans from me than cheers. Remember that piece about how bangs are “in”? And how women wear dresses? So I was ecstatic this week to see the Modern Love essay is by Jillian Keenan, a woman with a spanking fetish who is struggling to come out about it to her boyfriend. The essay touched on the struggles female spankos face from a judgmental and/or misunderstanding public, namely that we all must have suffered sexual abuse (not true) or must be gravely damaged in some way (also not true). And I was particularly delighted that 50 Shades Of Grey got only a brief mention. Keep reading »

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