The New York Times Style section usually emits more groans from me than cheers. Remember that piece about how bangs are “in”? And how women wear dresses? So I was ecstatic this week to see the Modern Love essay is by Jillian Keenan, a woman with a spanking fetish who is struggling to come out about it to her boyfriend. The essay touched on the struggles female spankos face from a judgmental and/or misunderstanding public, namely that we all must have suffered sexual abuse (not true) or must be gravely damaged in some way (also not true). And I was particularly delighted that 50 Shades Of Grey got only a brief mention. Keep reading »
A few years ago ….
Today, in 2012, I avoid him as much as I can. But my friend (?) Richard used to joke (?) that I only called him when I broke up with my boyfriends. Kinda true, kinda false. Regardless — a few years ago — I don’t even call him this time, I just end up at his apartment for some small party.
He scents the pain in me, and suddenly we’re in a back room, alone. One of the reasons he’s so good at this is that he smells vulnerability like a shark smells blood. I don’t remember whether I ask him to hurt me, or he just grabs me. “Something’s close to the surface,” I tell him, while he leaves bite-shaped bruises on my upper arm. He knows me; he doesn’t leave bruises in places I can’t cover with a t-shirt.
“What is it?” he asks, and I choke on it. I’m already starting to cry. We’ve only been doing this for a moment.
“Red,” I say. The safeword. I’m sobbing. “Red.” Richard stops immediately. “Tears,” I say. “Tears were close to the surface.” Keep reading »
Be honest: “For A Good Time, Call …” has made you just a tiny bit curious about what it’s like to work a phone sex line. Is it just pervs who call up and pant into the phone before hanging up? Are all the women who do it just paying their way through grad school?
We went to Sabrina Morgan, a 28-year-old phone sex operator in San Diego, for the real story. She got involved in phone sex back in 2005 and was kind enough to answer some questions over email. Everything you want to know about dirty talk, stocking fetishes and melon humping, after the jump!
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As someone who has identified as kinky for over a decade, both professionally and personally, I have to admit I was absolutely appalled when the 50 Shades trilogy first hit the mainstream. I read all three books, and as I read some of the myths and stereotypes, I had to do some deep breathing.
I couldn’t help thinking, “These are the books that have become the cultural reference point for kink?” As I thought this, a bit of my kinky little heart broke. But, my opinion has changed since then.
I still think the books are poorly written and that there is much better erotica out there. Regardless, these are the books that have everyone talking about sex and kink. At this point, the value of that far outweighs some tired writing clichés. Read more…
“I haven’t always been open but I always felt lucky that there was something in my life that I felt passionate about. I think most people don’t feel that way about sex. But yeah, I’ve had a dungeon in my house for the past 20 years. … Both me and my girlfriend [who is a dominatrix] are kind of missionaries. I think it should be talked about. It should be out in the open because people don’t enjoy their desires enough. You’re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want as long as it’s consensual. You might as well live out your fantasies and not be ashamed of it.”
I’ve never listened to NOFX, so I had never heard of Fat Mike (aka Mike Burkett). But now I’m kind of in love with his mind right now. The singer spoke to VICE about a new record and had a whole conversation about being kinky and into BDSM — that’s bondage, dominance and sadomasochism. Everything he’s saying here is stuff I’ve wanted to scream from the rooftops. After the jump, he talks about the persecution of BDSM as a “deviant sexuality.” Keep reading »
Christian Grey is damn near God-like — at least according to guests’ bedside tables in The Damson Dene Hotel. Bibles have been booted and E L James’ BDSM erotica novel 50 Shades of Grey has taken their place in every room within the English inn. Damson Dene’s owner said providing a copy of the book to every guest within the 40-room hotel was “a hospitable thing to do.” Keep reading »
I haven’t exactly kept it a secret around here the way that I’m sexually wired. For the most part, though, the only person whose opinion matters on the subject is my sexual partner. (And any roommates who have to listen to occasional smacking.) Yet, every so often, BDSM — that’s bondage, dominance, sadomasochism — pops up in mainstream popular culture and us kinksters and spankos get to hear the mainstream’s opinion on our lives.
“Secretary,” starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, a flick about a secretary who enters into a dominance/submission relationship with her boss, came out while I was in college. Although the flick was understandably controversial, it explained to a lot of people, “Hey, we’re just regular folks like you. Except, you know, not so regular!”
More recently, it’s the BDSM erotic novel 50 Shades Of Grey that has people talking. It seems everyone has an opinion on the subject — including those who are completely misguided about who kinksters are and what we do. Take, for instance, feminist blogger Morgane Richardson and a piece she wrote calling 50 Shades “a glimpse into domestic violence.”
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“Call me in one hour and tell me your boyfriend dumped you,” I told my girl friend as we stood outside the movie theater where we had just seen “Magic Mike.” “If the party’s weird and I want to leave, I’ll say ‘Oh my God, are you okay? I’ll come meet you!’ Got it?”
“Sure thing,” my friend promised.
“I’m texting you the address I’m going to right now,” I told her, tapping on my iPhone. “Just in case these people turn out to be rapist-murderers.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” she soothed me. We hugged goodbye and parted at a street corner. “Have fun!” is what she called as I walked away.
Have fun at your spanking party is what she meant. Keep reading »
50 Shades Of Grey may well be one of the worst-written books ever. But being a blight on the face of literature isn’t the reason Brevard County Public Library in Florida pulled the BDSM erotica novel from shelves: they called 50 Shades ”pornography.” But Brevard County is not consistent in what they consider “pornographic” and what they consider simply “erotic”; The New York Times found other sexy books on the shelves, like The Complete Kama Sutra and Lolita. A spokesman for the county government said the latter books were acceptable because they had “become part of the societal mainstream.” Here’s hoping this is the work of overzealous local government officials, not librarians themselves. In any case, is this a plus-one in the Florida column for keeping such terrible writing away from readers? Or a minus-one for censorship? I’m not even sure. [NY Times]