Tag Archives: kink

Study: 50 Shades Of Grey “Perpetuates” Abusive Relationships

"50" Causes Divorce
kinky woman
Couple divorces because husband won't reenact "50 Shades." Read More »
Kinky Sex Myths
Five myths about kinky sex from "50 Shades Of Grey." Read More »

50 Shades Of Grey is still a thing people are talking about, I guess?  But the latest news isn’t casting rumors for the big screen adaption of E.L. James’ kinky sex trilogy — it’s a pearl-clutching new study that warns 50 Shades “perpetuates” abusive relationships.

The Journal of Women’s Health published a study earlier this week entitled “Double Crap! Abuse And Harmed Identity In 50 Shades Of Grey” by professor Amy Bonomi of Michigan State University and two other professors. The study, which focused on the first eight chapters of the first book in the series, found, according to Bonomi, that “50 Shades Of Grey perpetuates dangerous abuse patterns.” Keep reading »

Our Biggest Regrets About College Sex

Almie On Hookups
Almie Rose on hooking up in college
Almie Rose on hooking up in college. Read More »
Crushin' On Your Prof
Crush on your college professor
An anatomy of a crush on your college professor. Read More »
Schooled! Week
Schooled 2013
We've got you covered for college. Read More »
Our Biggest Regrets About College Sex

College! It’s all about exposure to new ideas, learning skills for your future career, and, oh yeah, ceaseless romantic floundering. After high school, higher education is likely the last time you will be around so many people of your own age all the time. Who could blame you for sleeping with some a few many of them?

But just like those student loans that you’ll be paying off until retirement (haha, in this economy, do you think retirement will still be around when we’re old?), there’s going to be some sex you regret. Sex you wish you hadn’t had. Sex you wish you had had. Sex that you don’t want to tell anyone about except the anonymous comments section of The Frisky.

After the jump, here are our worst sex regrets from college. It’s only fair that you share your own!  Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Feminism Deserves Better Than “Sex-Negative Vs. Sex-Positive”

Anti Sex-Positive Feminism
rosie the riveter
On Jillian Horowitz's interview with Thought Catalog about kink. Read More »
Be Sex Positive!
Eight ways to be positive you're sex positive. Read More »
Tales Of A Kinky Feminist
bdsm
You can be a kinky feminist and flawed human being. Read More »
The Soapbox: Feminism Deserves Better than “Sex-Negative vs. Sex-Positive”

As a feminist, kinky person and sex commentator, I am the target audience for Jillian Horowitz’s xoJane essay “I’m a Sex-Negative Feminist” — and that’s exactly the point. Part of the site’s “Unpopular Opinion” series, I can only surmise that the essay, like others before it, was written largely with the intention of riling up its supposed targets rather than fostering a nuanced debate.

I’d also quibble with her quickie history lesson—yes, sex-positive feminism in part emerged as a response to anti-porn feminist activism, but it also sprang from the anti-BDSM and anti-lesbian bent of much of mainstream 1970’s and ’80’s feminism. My understanding is that sex-positive feminism was about embracing feminist ideals and furthering sexual freedom—for everyone, not just women. Keep reading »

Radical Feminist Interview On Thought Catalog Takes Potshot At Sex-Positive Feminism & Kink, Questions Consent

Soapbox: Judgey Feminism
Elizabeth Wurtzel reminds us how anti-feminist it is to judge other women's decisions. Read More »
Teaching Boys Feminism
kids photo
How to teach boys to be feminists. Read More »
On Feminist In-Fighting
Can't we all just get along? Read More »
Frisky Feminism!
Everything The Frisky has ever written about feminism! Read More »
rosie the riveter

Last night, I was reading a piece on the blog Thought Catalog in which writer Marie Calloway interviewed two young women about the current state of “radical feminism.” I read it not only because feminism is my beat, but also because the current understanding that I have in my mind about radical feminism is based off what I know about Redstockings, and historical figures like anarchist Emma Goldman and Valerie Solanas and I’m sure is woefully outdated in 2013.

And the interviews with Alexandria Brown, a radical feminist/philosopher, and Jillian Horowitz, a CUNY grad student in women’s, gender and sexuality studies, were educational and interesting. (To be clear, in the piece, Horowitz said she doesn’t identify with radical feminism “in its current permutation” and added that she might be considered by other radical feminists to be a “funfem”/a feminist who only engages on feminine, fluffy issues.) Alas, the part in the interview with Horowitz that critiqued “sex positive feminism” and kink didn’t sit right with me.  Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On Abuse Within Kink (Or This One Time Some Really Bad Stuff Happened To Me)

On BDSM
kinky photo
BDSM is not "consensual domestic violence." Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
woman panties

Recently I went home with a kinky man after our first date. The experience phased in and out of being consensual throughout the night. I distinctly left his apartment feeling violated and I continued to feel violated for several days after.

We found each other online because both of us were interested in dominant/submissive (D/s) sex, particularly in spanking. I thought this man would be dominant in bed, as per his online dating profile and a conversation we’d had about it on our date. But instead of just dominant, he was controlling. Before we started playing, I told him the “safe word” I wanted to use. A safe word is a word or phrase used by kinky people during sexual play that they want the play to stop immediately; I never play with a partner without one. To my surprise, this guy told me that safe word I chose was “terrible” and to use something else. That raised a red flag right off the bat.

Another red flag came at one point during play when he called me a “bitch.” I’m not against being called names in bed. In fact, with a partner whom I know and trust, being called a “bad girl” or a “slut” can be really hot! But we never had a conversation about using words like that, and if we had, I would have told him that the word “bitch” was not OK with me.   Keep reading »

The Soapbox: BDSM Is Not “Consensual Domestic Violence”

Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
Submissive Sex
Newsflash: feminists are not against submissve sex. Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
kinky photo

I don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post because all the ways that Slate columnist/link-baiter William Saletan is wrong about BDSM are so numerous and so glaringly inaccurate that I have half a mind not to dignify it with a response.

Alas, here I go:

Saletan asks whether, between 50 Shades of Grey and various colleges starting their own BDSM clubs,  kink is going “mainstream,” as if sexuality is like rap music or the Atkins diet which spreads around the country once it becomes “cool”. He quickly concludes no, BDSM won’t ever be accepted by your Great Aunt Myrtle in Iowa City, because it’s actually “dangerous” — actual quote — and actually “consensual domestic violence” — actual quote.

Sigh.

His viewpoint only serves to further stigmatize what’s barely even taboo anymore,  promoting the Dark Ages/maybe-in-rural-Alabama idea there’s “right” and “wrong” sexuality between consenting adults.

To which I have to say, shut the fuck up, William Saletan. Keep reading »

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular