As someone who has identified as kinky for over a decade, both professionally and personally, I have to admit I was absolutely appalled when the 50 Shades trilogy first hit the mainstream. I read all three books, and as I read some of the myths and stereotypes, I had to do some deep breathing.
I couldn’t help thinking, “These are the books that have become the cultural reference point for kink?” As I thought this, a bit of my kinky little heart broke. But, my opinion has changed since then.
I still think the books are poorly written and that there is much better erotica out there. Regardless, these are the books that have everyone talking about sex and kink. At this point, the value of that far outweighs some tired writing clichés. Read more…
“I haven’t always been open but I always felt lucky that there was something in my life that I felt passionate about. I think most people don’t feel that way about sex. But yeah, I’ve had a dungeon in my house for the past 20 years. … Both me and my girlfriend [who is a dominatrix] are kind of missionaries. I think it should be talked about. It should be out in the open because people don’t enjoy their desires enough. You’re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want as long as it’s consensual. You might as well live out your fantasies and not be ashamed of it.”
I’ve never listened to NOFX, so I had never heard of Fat Mike (aka Mike Burkett). But now I’m kind of in love with his mind right now. The singer spoke to VICE about a new record and had a whole conversation about being kinky and into BDSM — that’s bondage, dominance and sadomasochism. Everything he’s saying here is stuff I’ve wanted to scream from the rooftops. After the jump, he talks about the persecution of BDSM as a “deviant sexuality.” Keep reading »
Christian Grey is damn near God-like — at least according to guests’ bedside tables in The Damson Dene Hotel. Bibles have been booted and E L James’ BDSM erotica novel 50 Shades of Grey has taken their place in every room within the English inn. Damson Dene’s owner said providing a copy of the book to every guest within the 40-room hotel was “a hospitable thing to do.” Keep reading »
I haven’t exactly kept it a secret around here the way that I’m sexually wired. For the most part, though, the only person whose opinion matters on the subject is my sexual partner. (And any roommates who have to listen to occasional smacking.) Yet, every so often, BDSM — that’s bondage, dominance, sadomasochism — pops up in mainstream popular culture and us kinksters and spankos get to hear the mainstream’s opinion on our lives.
“Secretary,” starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, a flick about a secretary who enters into a dominance/submission relationship with her boss, came out while I was in college. Although the flick was understandably controversial, it explained to a lot of people, “Hey, we’re just regular folks like you. Except, you know, not so regular!”
More recently, it’s the BDSM erotic novel 50 Shades Of Grey that has people talking. It seems everyone has an opinion on the subject — including those who are completely misguided about who kinksters are and what we do. Take, for instance, feminist blogger Morgane Richardson and a piece she wrote calling 50 Shades “a glimpse into domestic violence.”
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“Call me in one hour and tell me your boyfriend dumped you,” I told my girl friend as we stood outside the movie theater where we had just seen “Magic Mike.” “If the party’s weird and I want to leave, I’ll say ‘Oh my God, are you okay? I’ll come meet you!’ Got it?”
“Sure thing,” my friend promised.
“I’m texting you the address I’m going to right now,” I told her, tapping on my iPhone. “Just in case these people turn out to be rapist-murderers.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” she soothed me. We hugged goodbye and parted at a street corner. “Have fun!” is what she called as I walked away.
Have fun at your spanking party is what she meant. Keep reading »
50 Shades Of Grey may well be one of the worst-written books ever. But being a blight on the face of literature isn’t the reason Brevard County Public Library in Florida pulled the BDSM erotica novel from shelves: they called 50 Shades ”pornography.” But Brevard County is not consistent in what they consider “pornographic” and what they consider simply “erotic”; The New York Times found other sexy books on the shelves, like The Complete Kama Sutra and Lolita. A spokesman for the county government said the latter books were acceptable because they had “become part of the societal mainstream.” Here’s hoping this is the work of overzealous local government officials, not librarians themselves. In any case, is this a plus-one in the Florida column for keeping such terrible writing away from readers? Or a minus-one for censorship? I’m not even sure. [NY Times]
One NYC-branch of sex shop Toys In Babeland is (wisely) capitalizing on the new “mommy porn” 50 Shades Of Grey craze with cocktail party classes teaching Kinky Sex 101. The open-to-the-public classes will be free; the first 25 kinkster guests will go home with a Christian Grey-approved goody bag: a paddle, necktie, satin bondage kit, edible spanking powder (?!), and vibrating nipple clamps. (Yes, really.) Private classes are being held for more exclusive folks; the NYC-based blog Gothamist seems to think Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany are attending. Oh, be still, my heart.
It’s silly that Toys In Babeland have to call this a “50 Shades” class instead of what it is — bondage/dominance/sadomasochism, or BDSM — but I guess too many people think a little kink in the bedroom is freaky. But whatever. I’ve already RSVPed and enlisted two girlfriends to come with. [Gothamist]
Let’s be honest: sex is not always the softly focused oxytocin bath that Cosmopolitan magazine spreads make it out to be. Sometimes sex is a romp on dirty sheets with a grabby guy who’s got terrible body odor and zero condoms.
But hey, bad sex is still sex. And if you are horny as we are at The Frisky, you’ll take the bull by the horns anyway because you know there’s a way to troubleshoot most any sexual snaffoo. I am not a sex therapist, but I am a woman who’s has wide variety of sex with a decent number of dudes and have encountered all these problems. (For more in-depth sexual troubleshooting, I recommend the kickass sex guide, Guide To Getting It On.)
After the jump, a thorough, honest (and heteronormative, cause I’m a straight lady who sleeps with dudes) guide to troubleshooting bad sex.
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Are you ladies more kinky than you’re admitting? Considering the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, the erotica book burning the laps of lady readers across the country, I’m guessing you gals might be a tad kink-curious. Of course, there is a difference between reading about kinky sex and actually doing it– but both can be hot. Why not give those fantasies a whirl in the bedroom?
Being a vanilla girl who is curious about BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) can be intimidating. You’re probably conjuring images of dog collars, dungeons and leather-clad man who calls himself Master DragonBallz. Fret not, there are ways for a normal gal to try this stuff out with her partner in the comfort of her own bedroom. No dungeon necessary. Click through for some tips on how to dip a perfectly manicured toe into the dark waters of BDSM. And remember, you can use your safe word at anytime during this slideshow.