Tag Archives: kink

The Soapbox: On Abuse Within Kink (Or This One Time Some Really Bad Stuff Happened To Me)

On BDSM
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BDSM is not "consensual domestic violence." Read More »
I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
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Recently I went home with a kinky man after our first date. The experience phased in and out of being consensual throughout the night. I distinctly left his apartment feeling violated and I continued to feel violated for several days after.

We found each other online because both of us were interested in dominant/submissive (D/s) sex, particularly in spanking. I thought this man would be dominant in bed, as per his online dating profile and a conversation we’d had about it on our date. But instead of just dominant, he was controlling. Before we started playing, I told him the “safe word” I wanted to use. A safe word is a word or phrase used by kinky people during sexual play that they want the play to stop immediately; I never play with a partner without one. To my surprise, this guy told me that safe word I chose was “terrible” and to use something else. That raised a red flag right off the bat.

Another red flag came at one point during play when he called me a “bitch.” I’m not against being called names in bed. In fact, with a partner whom I know and trust, being called a “bad girl” or a “slut” can be really hot! But we never had a conversation about using words like that, and if we had, I would have told him that the word “bitch” was not OK with me.   Keep reading »

The Soapbox: BDSM Is Not “Consensual Domestic Violence”

Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
Submissive Sex
Newsflash: feminists are not against submissve sex. Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
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This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
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I don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post because all the ways that Slate columnist/link-baiter William Saletan is wrong about BDSM are so numerous and so glaringly inaccurate that I have half a mind not to dignify it with a response.

Alas, here I go:

Saletan asks whether, between 50 Shades of Grey and various colleges starting their own BDSM clubs,  kink is going “mainstream,” as if sexuality is like rap music or the Atkins diet which spreads around the country once it becomes “cool”. He quickly concludes no, BDSM won’t ever be accepted by your Great Aunt Myrtle in Iowa City, because it’s actually “dangerous” — actual quote — and actually “consensual domestic violence” — actual quote.

Sigh.

His viewpoint only serves to further stigmatize what’s barely even taboo anymore,  promoting the Dark Ages/maybe-in-rural-Alabama idea there’s “right” and “wrong” sexuality between consenting adults.

To which I have to say, shut the fuck up, William Saletan. Keep reading »

6 Ways The New York Times (Of All Places) Got It Right About Kinky Sex

"Kink" Trailer
james franco kink
Watch the trailer for James Franco's doc about BDSM porn. Read More »
Fetishes 101
fetish
What's a fetish? What's a paraphilia? This post explains it all! Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »

The New York Times Style section has gotten the memo: 50 Shades Of Grey is a book the ladies be readin’. Cue interviews with various and sundry New Yorkers who are involved in the kink scene, from sexual submissives to fire players. Actually, this article was written by a friend of mine named Matt and even if he wasn’t my bud, I’d still think this article about issues pertaining to kinky sex was a job well done.

Take note, other journalists who write about sex! Here’s six ways the New York Times actually got it right on kinky sex (or, as much as they could in one article): Keep reading »

9 Sex Toys To Try This Valentine’s Day

We all know from Cupid and Hallmark and Victoria’s Secret that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the sexiest, sultriest, panty-droppingest day in existence.

We also know that’s not actually going to happen.

But you can try, can’t you? Your partner probably isn’t going to turn into Christian/Christina Grey for the night. But that doesn’t mean you can’t introduce a sex toy or three to spice things up. Here’s nine toys we think you might enjoy for a little something-something extra this Valentine’s Day. Let us know how it goes … if you’re willing to kiss and tell.

Hell Yeah, I Love You!
Hell yeah, I love you! Getting love is easy this Valentine's Day. Read More »
Red Lingerie
... for every bust size! Read More »

The 6 Geekiest Sex Toys Ever

We live in the sexiest time ever. For most of history, condoms were hollowed-out sheep guts, “getting lucky” meant not contracting a plague, and the more insane religions insisted that even masturbation was a sin (despite the fact that jerking off is the literal fucking definition of “enjoying yourself without bothering anyone else”). Any god against that is both a voyeur and a killjoy.

Thanks to the Internet, the average modern teenager has seen more nudity than an orgiastic Roman emperor with X-ray vision. We’ve realized that human genitals are like LEGO: lots of fun to put together, and if you get bored with all the possible combinations, you can buy extra bits to connect. But this ability to screw absolutely everything has spilled over into, well, absolutely everything. For example: The ’80s aren’t just nostalgia, they’re subconscious urges that have been stewing in hormones for 30 years.

Sex has leaked into science fiction. And just like science fiction warned us, the real madness begins when this stuff escapes into the real world. Read more…

Girl Talk: What I Learned At An Orgy

My First Orgy
Scenes from Rachel Rabbit White's first-ever orgy. Read More »
Threesome Tips
How to have a threesome with your partner without screwing things up. Read More »

I didn’t physically prepare for my first orgy. My husband and I talked about boundaries and asked the friends who invited us about party etiquette. But I didn’t put much thought into what I looked like because I wasn’t planning to do a whole lot. I wanted to meet people, maybe kiss and fondle a few, and generally take in the experience as an observer in order to judge whether a second orgy was in my future. So I planned for comfort rather than beauty. I wore attractive but conservative clothing. My bra was snazzy, but my underwear was generic. And I didn’t even consider trimming my pubic hair.

I’ve never shaved my pubic hair. When I was a teenager, I read “The Vagina Monologues,” which features the harrowing account of a woman whose ex-husband shaved her bush without her enthusiastic consent. I decided right then that I never wanted to shave down there. The occasional hygienic trim, sure, but I’d never shave or wax or remove it in full. Pubic hair serves a purpose, and I like having it. (Plus, don’t let my kinkiness fool you – I hate pain. I don’t even tweeze my eyebrows because it hurts. So the thought of a bikini wax makes my toes curl, and not in an orgasmic way.) Keep reading »

Watch The Trailer For “Kink,” James Franco’s Documentary About BDSM Porn

Fetishes 101
fetish
What's a fetish? What's a paraphilia? This post explains it all! Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
james franco kink
NSFW, Obviously

When he wasn’t otherwise occupied writing poems about the president, James Franco has been busily producing a documentary about Kink.com, the premiere web site for BDSM porn. “Kink,” which is debuting now at the Sundance Film Festival, explores the production company that runs Kink.com and their film shoots in San Francisco’s Armory. Franco and his collaborator, cinematographer Christina Voros, showcase the various folks who are drawn to this quirky profession, like Maitresse Madeline, and get the scoop straight from the horse’s ball-gagged-mouth about how some people misunderstand sadomasochistic sex play to be abuse. I’m pleased to hear that “Kink” explains “safe words,” too. Can’t wait to see this when it comes out in theaters! Damn, James Franco, you are really making me like you.

[Black Book Mag]

[The Daily Beast]

Fetishes 101: All The Basics About Having A Sexual Fetish Or Paraphilia

Adult Diapers
Adult diapers is a trend for women in Japan. Read More »
Spanking Fetish
woman spanking
"Modern Love" tackles one woman's spanking fetish. Read More »
fetish

“I have a shopping fetish!”

“I have a total fetish for caramel-covered popcorn — it’s my favorite snack!”

“She watches the Kardashians’ shows because she has a weird Kim fetish. She’s wants to dress like her so badly.”

You’ve probably heard a comment like this at least once a week your entire life. These sorts of comments drive me bonkers, because those people are not really referring to fetishes.

Instead, they’re misusing the word “fetish” to describe anything they really like, instead of something that sexually turns them on. I imagine it might be the same way gay folks would feel when a straight-person says to their same-sex friend “I’m gay for you,” when really they just mean their friend is a good buddy.

This is a subject we could all stand to know more about.  Obviously I am not a psychologist or a medical expert of any kind; I’m just a woman with a spanking fetish who is researching official information on the subject on Google and including my own experiences and tips. I highly recommend visiting a sex-positive therapist, specifically a sex therapist, for a professional consult and to sort this stuff out if you or a loved one have a fetish or paraphilia.

But for a basic 101 on fetishes and paraphilia, here are some commonly asked questions and answers:

Keep reading »

Gina The Chimp Only Wants To Watch Porn (And Us Humans Are Rather Fond Of It As Well)

Fave Male Porn Star
Amelia's new favorite male porn star is Manuel Ferrara. Read More »
Women & Porn
10 reasons they watch. Read More »
chimpanzee

Sometimes I feel bad about wild animals enclosed in zoos. But I feel slightly less bad for Gina, a chimpanzee at the Seville Zoo in Spain, who spends her days watching porn on TV.

Gina’s TV has lots of different channels, but the only ones that this frisky primate watches are the ones rated “adult entertainment.”

Chimps are, of course, one of the closest cousins to humans; we share 90 percent of our DNA with them.

That information should, I hope, make Salon.com writer Issac Abel, 23, feel slightly better: Abel published an essay this weekend about how he came of age masturbating to internet porn and now he’s having difficulties getting sexy with real, live women who don’t fulfill his fantasies quite like those on set. Keep reading »

Yes, Master! Harvard Students Now Have A BDSM Sex Club

Be Sex Positive!
Eight ways to be positive you're sex positive. Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
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This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
schoolgirl

They have the best and the brightest in the country and now they have a bondage, dominance and sadomasochism club, too.

Harvard University students are in the early stages of convening an official campus club — like, say, the school paper or the French club — centered around a shared interest in BDSM kink, like bondage, flogging, spanking, and other 50 Shades-style “play.” Harvard students aren’t the only little horndogs: other college campuses that have similar BDSM clubs include NYU, MIT, Tufts, Yale, and the University of Chicago. Keep reading »

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