Tag Archives: kink

Representation In Porn, Or A Lack Thereof, And Why It Matters

Have you ever wondered what racial representation looks like in porn versus the United States population? Well, I have.

I get tired of conventional porn sometimes, and I want to see porn with women especially, but people in general, who aren’t going “ooohnnnn ooohhhhhnnn ohhhhhnnn” like seals throughout the movie, or who aren’t skinny, or who aren’t young, or who aren’t white, or who aren’t conventional-looking, or who are engaging in sex acts that they really, really, really love of their own accord rather than being just sort of down to do because it’s their job. That’s why I love Beautiful Agony (just assume that none of the links in this post are safe for work) — it’s all orgasms, it’s all very understated, it’s a pure celebration of pleasure, and lots of different kinds of people are represented. It’s also why I love the Art-Porn Tumblr: there’s at least some diversity, there’s a lot of kink — real kink — and many of the photographers and directors portray sex in a way that doesn’t feel so … I don’t know. Gratuitous. There’s nothing wrong with gratuitous, conventional porn, of course, I just get tired of it. It’s made for a male audience, and I’m not male. I want to see something different. Keep reading »

How Fifty Shades Of Grey Made BDSM Go Mainstream

How '50 Shades Of Grey' Made BDSM Go Mainstream

In a Sunday interview with The Guardian, Jamie Dornan informed the world that there will be exactly zero penis shots in “50 Shades Of Grey.” Or to use the actor’s parlance, Dornan’s “todger” won’t appear. The news struck fans with shock rivaled only by the realization that the pinot is running low: What good is a movie about sexy sex without any male nudity? That collective reaction encompasses the way E.L. James has made embracing expression of sexuality acceptable. By bringing Christian Grey into our consciousness, “50 Shades” made it okay to talk about BDSM the daylight. Read more on Huffington Post Women…

A Guide To Doing Anal With Your Boyfriend

anal boyfriend 091014

As a professional dominatrix, and an all-around kinky lady, I love anal play. Your bum can play a delightful role in all sorts of fun, from a casual roll in the hay to the darkest, kinkiest scene ever. Sadly, homophobia and traditional sexual values mean that relatively few straight men consider asking to receive anal. They, and their women sex partners, are steeped in a culture that considers butt play “gay” – i.e., something to be avoided.

That’s a crying shame for men and women alike. For the penis-bearers among us, the backside is the gateway to the prostate and the base of the cock, where lots of wonderful, sensitive nerves are clustered; anal stimulation can result in a more powerful orgasm, and some lucky guys can learn to cum from butt play alone. It’s also an opportunity for men to enjoy the receptivity and vulnerability of being penetrated, which is a fulfilling part of sexuality that is largely off-limits to men in mainstream sexual culture. Keep reading »

Here’s A New Trailer For “Kink,” James Franco’s Documentary About BDSM Porn

kink doc
A New "Kink" Trailer

“Kink,” a documentary about the porn web site Kink.com, debuted in January at the Sundance Film Festival. Yesterday, the film, which explores the largest BDSM online porn empire, released a new trailer in anticipation of a limited release. I’ve heard complaints about the film — it’s “boring” (which is unfortunately always something that some kinky folks say in order to be dismissive); it doesn’t address allegations of abuse at Kink.com — but I’ll see it regardless. Christina Voros directed “Kink” and James Franco executive produced, so you better believe I want to know how they handled the material. Also, this probably goes without saying, but the trailer is NSFW! [Queerty; First Showing]

On Making The Case For Kink As A Sexual Orientation

Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
Submissive Sex
Newsflash: feminists are not against submissve sex. Read More »
Kinky Sex Myths
Five myths about kinky sex from "50 Shades Of Grey." Read More »
kinky 081814

Today on Slate.com is an excellent piece about why “kinky” should be considered a sexual orientation. Writer Jillian Keenan posits how we define a person’s sexual orientation should include what kind of energies turn a person on — dominant or submissive, for example — because for people like Keenan and myself, our sexuality is more complicated than just the gender and genitalia of the person to whom we are attracted. Keep reading »

Sometimes I Wish I Hadn’t Written So Much About Sex

sex parties email

A few months ago, Amelia and I were talking about rape threats against women who write online. It seems like it happens to feminist writers Zerlina Maxwell, Amanda Hess and Jessica Valenti every day. Amelia asked if any readers have threatened to rape or otherwise harm me. The honest truth is that it only happened once — on Twitter a few years ago. The man had zero followers and had only tweeted a handful of times, all of which were incendiary remarks or threats against other liberals. I didn’t suspect he posed a serious threat to my safety, so I just blocked him. Do I even have to say I’m grateful that this was the one and only time some stranger threatened me?

That one incident isn’t the complete picture, though. A better question to ask in order to illustrate the at-times unsavory experience of being a feminist writer online would be about the kinds of inquiries I get on social media or in my inbox. Nearly every single day, a man emails asking me personal information about my sexuality, for an invitation to a sex party, or straight-up propositions me for sex. Keep reading »

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