Kim Kardashian looks classy and put-together, with all errant body parts neatly tucked in and a skin color more closely resembling that of a human being than a leather satchel. Dare I say she even looks… expensive? For a woman worth hundreds of millions who usually looks as if she blew her $20 allowance in the clearance section at Charlotte Russe, then picked up a couple extra accessories and makeup tips from the traveling circus on the way home, this is highly unusual. And good. It’s good. Thanks, Kanye.
We’re so bored of our own text messages. The only people who text us regularly are our mothers. Hi mom! We love you, but blergh. We wonder what kind of sexy text messages celeb couples are exchanging … hmmm. They must me more titillating than ours. Or at least more entertaining.
After Scarlett Johansson debuted her new tattoo, Amelia and I both didn’t get it. We had an in-depth conversation about it, where we came to the realization that the reasons we didn’t like it were: A) it was exactly the kind of tattoo we expected Scarjo to get (the same way we expected her to release a Tom Waits cover album) and B) something about it seemed like she was trying too hard to demonstrate her street cred (the same way her Tom Waits cover album did).
We say this as two tattooed women who both have Chinese character tattoos we’re embarrassed of. I have two other tattoos, which I love because they have deep meaning to me. Maybe “Lucky You” has deep meaning to Scarjo, who knows? That’s not important. What’s important is this: Scarjo and her “Lucky You” tattoo inspired a much longer reverie about other celebrity tattoos we are expecting to see any day now. When they come true, just remember, we called it first.
Kim Kardashian showed up to the Midori Green party in NYC on Saturday night (with Kanye West in tow, natch), decked out in a beguiling costume. Care to take a guess as to what her costume was?
A) Christina Aguilera
B) Donatella Versace
C) A sea witch
D) All of the above
E) None of the above
Click through to find out!
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I know she’s beautiful and rich, but there is seriously not a day that goes by where I don’t wake up extremely grateful not to be Kim Kardashian. This woman spends the vast majority of her time parading around in outfits that quite literally make my body hurt just looking at them. So tight! Can she breathe?! Heels so high! How do her feet stand it day in, day out?! I can barely take the pain of my skinny jeans fresh out of the dryer. I go barefoot at the office, that’s how much I hate shoes. The second I get home, I put on pajamas. How does Kim stand dressing up in such complicated getups every single day? I feel like sometimes they’re so tight, she must vacuum pack her internal organs. Who is she doing this for? Not me! Seriously, Kim, take a day off. Don some baggy jeans, a T, and a pair of flats and breathe and walk normal like the rest of us bipeds. (P.S. Also, I can see your butt.) [Photos: Pacific Coast News]